From Here The Past Looks Brighter
by Lala1995
Summary: At 12 years of age they had figured out their dreams and plans. By 17 those dreams went out the door when illness struck her family. She prompted Derek to go and live the dream of a musician and he did. Never looking back at Lakeview. When she is fighting for her life after an accident, Derek returns home and starts to experience something he never bargained for - Nostalgia.
1. Chapter 1

**So here is my new story. It's not-so knew since I already posted it earlier this year but decided that I would repost it later on when I could dedicate some more time to it. **

**The story has changed slightly but will still follow the same path as before. I just hope this time it will get off to a better start and you will all like it and I know I can't please some.**

**So enjoy.**

_15 years earlier _

_Lakeview, Washington State, 12__th__ of November, 1998_

"_Derek?" She asks Derek from the floor of his bedroom._

"_Hmmm?" He answers as he concentrates on the restringing of his guitar._

"_Let's run away together."_

"_What? You're crazy? We have no money, no car, and no destination."_

"_We have each other." She says._

_He smiles at her with his big blue eyes widening and a smile covering his face. "I would love to run away but we're only 12."_

"_I wasn't meaning now and I wasn't literally meaning to run away. I just thought that when we finish school we shouldn't apply for college and head straight to LA and get signed and live from a car until we receive our first paycheque and can afford a small apartment and sufficient food and a comfy bed to sleep on. I wanna be a rock star and not a scholar."_

_He placed his guitar down beside him and crawled over beside her grasping her hand. _

"_We will be rock stars. We'll live in LA. We'll tour the world. We'll be happy and we'll write and sing for the rest of our lives." He says. _

"_You promise?" She says._

"_I promise. No one gets left behind." He says kissing the tops of her hand. "We'll have our dreams and if not we'll be together forever. We'll live until we are 100 and reminisce on these times." He says. "Cradle to grave."_

"_I love you." She says smiling._

"_I love you too." He replies. "Friends forever."_

…

_Seattle, Washington, June 3__rd__, 2013_

"Derek, awesome job out there tonight." JT says.

"I couldn't have done it without you guys." He says as he heads towards the dressing rooms. "You guys were great."

"Not as great as you. You are the star Derek." Sav says twirling his drumsticks around.

"Well I wouldn't be this great without you all."

He starts to head back to his room and is stopped by his assistant.

"Derek I have most of your gear in the car and the Lakeview paper." Jenny says. "And your car is out the back ready to go when you are."

"Thanks Jenny." I say.

"Great show out there tonight Derek."

"Thank you." He says as she leaves him.

Seeing his name plastered to the door was weird. Small town boys never got their names on a door of their own dressing room. Small town boys didn't live the lifestyle he lived but he would never trade it in for the world.

He opened the door to his room quietly and heard the even breaths and light snoring of a sleeping soul. He knelt down beside the couch and ran his hand over the green-eyed, blonde-haired girl and smiled.

"Just like your Momma." He says to himself and admires his 5 year old daughter.

He kissed her warm forehead and changed from his clothes and remembered the past two weeks as his daughter accompanied him on the road for these two short weeks before returning home to Lakeview to be with her mother and brother before he hit the road again to finish his final 6 shows. He considered a stopover in Moses Lake for the night but no matter what he chose he would still spend the same amount of time with her.

Even though she was sleeping he would still cherish the trip back to Lakeview to deliver her safely to her mother before he would hold her for a long moment, tell her how much he loved her and then remind her he would be home in no time to spend some more time with her and surprise Lakeview with a free-of-charge concert to surprise them and thank them.

Lakeview had been kind to him, especially since he hadn't been as kind to it. He hadn't been home to Lakeview for nearly 5 years. His surprise show would be free of charge to the citizens because of the nurturing this town had done to him. He would be seeing his parents, one of his sisters and his childhood friends. But the one person he was most excited to see more than anyone was his best friend but his best friend was the mother of his daughter and even though he last saw her two weeks ago he was missing her like crazy. They spent two weeks together in Boston, New York and Jersey. She attended those 4 shows he had and got her back up on the stage to sing at the show in Boston. She hadn't sung in front of a crowd of people for 5 or 6 years. The two were best friends and parents to Savannah and time spent together was well spent and when they weren't together a phone call would always be made, an email or text sent or a Skype call. He made sure of spending more time with her since the two of them were welcoming a baby in 5 short weeks.

Time with his daughter was rare but when he would see her he would make their time special and memorable. Like these two passing weeks he brought onto the stage at his shows and she would show off how much of a prodigy she was. She would duet, sing solo and play the piano with the new tune her mother had shown her. He would take her to the zoo or aquarium or even with a surprise trip to Japan or London and he would always bring along his best friend but she would dismiss his offerings most of the time to care for her other child Jack and to work.

He understood though. She found love with another man a 18 months after their daughter was born and they were married and trying for a child since he was in the Army. She was left a widower after he was killed in a roadside attack. Her life was a constant disappointment and she was the girl with the hard life. No father, a workaholic mother, illness, tragedy, death and disappointment. Dreams being crushed day after day especially her dreams and hopes of leaving Lakeview where thrown out the window as soon as her mother became sick and needed constant caring since they had no money to put her into a home. But it had been 6 years since the passing of her mother and she was still in Lakeview and not by Derek's side like she should be. He always offered her a place at his home for change and she said that Lakeview was home but his home would be with her and his children travelling and collaborating.

He packed the last few things away into bags and pilled them beside the door. When a soft knock came at the door and he opened it, checking that his daughter hadn't woken. Jenny was standing at the other side.

"Are you ready?" She asks.

"Sure am." He says going over to his daughter and picking her up and settling her peacefully in his arms. "I'll come back and get the last of my things."

"Don't be silly. I'll carry them." She says with a soft smile, picking the two overnight bags up into her hands.

"You can carry Savannah if they are too heavy."

"I'm not good with children. I'll wake her and then freak out and it won't end too well."

"Well she sleeps like a log. Nothing can disturb her. She's not a morning person either."

"I don't want to risk it." She says.

"Okay then." He says as they leave the dressing room. Derek drapes the blanket over her body as they reach the misty, Seattle air and prevent her from getting sick.

"Are you sure you don't won't company on your drive down?" She asks him.

"I'm sure." He says smiling. "I just want to wind down and do the drive down on my own with Van. Spend some time with her."

"That's fair enough." She says to him with such distance and sadness present in her voice and they continue in silence to keep Savannah peacefully asleep.

"Savannah looks a lot like her."

"She really does." Derek says kissing his daughters temple. "So much like her. Personality and looks. Savannah didn't inherit any of my genes."

"No she did." Jenny says. "Your musical talent, your kindness, she does look like you even if they aren't dominant features. She speaks like you. She's everything that you are. She's both her mother and father." She says.

"Thanks."

"Daddy?" Savannah says sleepily as she lifts her head to look where she is.

"Hey sweetie." He says with such softness in his voice. "We're just about to get into the car and head home. You'll be in the car in no time and you can sleep until we get home. I promise I'll wake you when we get there." He says kissing her forehead.

"Did you sing well tonight?"

"I sure did baby girl." He says smiling at her.

They reach Derek's Range Rover and Jenny unlocks it and places the bags in the back while Derek straps Savannah into the back. He goes to the back finding her teddy and climbs into the opposite side and fixes Savannah with her teddy, pillow and blanket. She snuggled into the pillow and let out a small yawn.

He climbed out and grabbed his things from the back and Jenny handed him the keys.

"Have a safe trip Derek." She says to him. "Bye Savannah, have a good time back at home and treat Mommy very well."

"Bye Jenny." She says sleepily and Derek closes the passenger door.

"Thanks Jenny. I'll see you in Oregon in a few days." He tells her as he climbs into the front seat. "Ring me when you are all leaving."

"Will do Derek. Drive safe. You let me know when you are in Lakeview." She says and closes the door of the car.

He started the engine of the car. He hooked his IPod in and then took off. He could see that Savannah was sound asleep again and he decided he would ring Lakeview to inform of their impending visit.

He dialled through the Bluetooth but the phone went straight to voicemail just like this afternoon and he hung up and decided he would just leave his mother a text to let her know. His stomach growled he decided a quick food stop was in order. But was it really his stomach that was growling or the worrying that was starting to escalate in his body. He was just being silly. Everything was fine. His music filled the car.

The mix music that Meredith had always told him to listen to and download when they talked to each other. His music was her influence. He even made a playlist of her music. He made playlists of their favourite songs they sang together. They had favourites for everything and songs that were strictly their songs. Songs they would listen to when they were homesick and missed each other.

_My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go_

He pulled in at a service station and locked Savannah in the car while he made a quick dash to the toilet and bought a milkshake and a sandwich. He was craving pizza but he knew he would be living off pizza after the baby arrived. Pizza was a family tradition between the three of them and they would never go to a new city without trying the local pizza scene.

He climbed back into the car and stayed put while he ate his sandwich and had a chance to catch up on the local news of Lakeview but ended up thanking his band for tonight. He ate while Savannah slept. He refilled the car with gas and then headed off towards Seattle but decided on a quick roadside stop to read some of the newspaper and he smiled as he remembered the times he was teased for the way he read the paper.

"_You know that the important stories are always at the front of the paper?"_

"_Yes I do. But if I read it front to the back I am faced with the breaking news. Usually the most heartbreaking news. It's like warming up."_

"_To read the news?" She asks him._

He smiled at himself just reminiscing those times they spent together as kids and teenagers.

He started the drive home towards Lakeview and remembered the memories and such but the constant guilt of not being home in 5 years. 5 years would bring back a lot of memories and guilt. All these sudden memories flooded back to him and he was unsure why the nostalgia?

He had the radio playing when the newsbreak started.

"_In breaking news, a shooting at a small restaurant in the town of Lakev…."_

"Daddy, when will you be back home?" Savannah asks in a sleepy haze.

"Um 3 weeks."

"So you're going to come and see us again?"

"Of course I am. I have you, the baby and your Mommy to see. I'll be staying until your Mommy has the baby and then we'll go from there. We'll be together forever after bubby is born. No more distance and time apart. We'll be a family." He says looking down at his phone as it flashed and a headline caught his eye. A headline which meant trouble and bad news. _Restaurant Shooting. Two dead, 4 critically injured, 10 injured in a shooting at the local restaurant._

He pulled over the car quickly and grabbed his phone and read the headline and stared at his better half. Derek was staring down those beautiful eyes. Those same eyes his daughter inherited. Those eyes he hoped his unborn baby would inherit. Those eyes were staring back at him. He couldn't believe it. A small town was rocked with a shooting. He didn't know how she was and if she was the confirmed. She was only up on the screen because of her link to him.

"Daddy what's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing sweetheart. Nothing at all." He says with his voice cracking.

…

The town was deadly quiet as the Range Rover rolls into the ghost town. The same quiet town he had grown up in. A few new shops in the main streets and the constant renovations. Houses stayed the same with refurbishments to tend to the tired houses. The restaurant where the shooting happened was behind the main street and was a family business. He knew he would pass the restaurant as it was the destination to his mother's home.

He drove past the restaurant and it was a crime scene. Police, investigators and crime scene experts were there to try and get light at what had happened. News vans were lined beside the kerb waiting for new news. He caught sight of the memorial that had been set up already and flowers, teddy bears, balloons and letters lined the street. It was an array of colour. Contrasting to the horrific events from over 12 hours before.

He pulled away from the kerb and drove down to his mother's house. He passed her house as well and it looked exactly like it had when he left. Just new refurbished doors and windows complimented the old house. New flowers had flowered and the lawns had been tended to. Just like he remembered when he was a child; the bikes and toys that lay on the lawn. Bikes were scattered along the lawn with kid's toys. It was just like before when they were growing up. The house itself looked tired and old and was not keeping up with the young family

He pulled into his mother's driveway and got out of the car. He had told his mother he would be home but not this early. But he was tired and decided he would slip into the house with Savannah and sleep before waking his mother up. He snuck up the front steps quietly and noticed the door was locked which was strange. No one in Lakeview ever locked their doors. So he searched for a spare key. Under the mat. On top of the porch lamp. In the pot plant. It was nowhere and he was beat. So he decided he would retire to his car and sleep and wait until the morning.

"Derek?" He hears. He turns around and sees his mother standing at the door. She looked confused and half asleep.

"Hi Ma."

"Come on inside Derek." She tells him. She knew too well not to ask what he was doing here. She was shocked but she half expected him to be on her doorstep later tomorrow.

He walked to the car and opened up the passenger door. Savannah woke as he moved her.

"Where are we Daddy?"

"We're home." He says carrying her across the lawn. "We're at Nanna's. I'll go and take you upstairs so you can sleep."

"Can I see Mommy?"

"Wait until morning sweetie." He says.

He walked back up the porch steps with Savannah in his arms. His mother kissed his head and kissed Savannah. She followed him up the stairs and he went and laid her down in his old bedroom. He tucked her in under the covers and kissed her forehead. She waited for him at the door of the bedroom and then shuts it behind him as they walk back down the stairs to the kitchen. The wooden table sits in the middle of the kitchen with the old whitegoods aging along with the flooring and wallpaper.

"How is she?"

"It's not good." Carolyn says.

"Oh no!" He says.

"Derek she is alive but the doctors are telling us that there are slim chances of her making it till the morning."

"What about the baby?"

"They performed an emergency caesarean when they arrived at the hospital. You have a little girl Derek."

"A girl?"

"Yes."

"How is she?"

"She is in the isolate at this present moment. She has the lung machine on just to get her lungs working properly. She's a fighter your little girl."

"I have to go and see them." He says.

"Derek, why don't you stay here for some sleep first?"

"Ma, you said that there are slim chances of her making it til morning. I have to see her before morning." He says.

"Okay. Go on then."

Derek stands from his chair and starts to leave the room before he turns back around to face his mother.

"Don't tell Savannah anything yet. I need to know what's going on before I tell Savannah."

"I won't Derek. Go and be with her." She says.

Derek leaves the house and drives to the hospital. Fear and the unknown are clouding his thoughts and he has no idea how to react and think clearly.

The half hour drive didn't solve anything and made him worry more. He parked his car, gathered his guitar case and his presents he had bought for the baby when it arrived.

He walked through the lobby and stopped at the reception desk.

"Hi what room is…"

"Sorry visiting hours are over." The nurse says not even turning her back.

"What do you mean they are over?" He says.

The nurse turns on her chair, doesn't show eye contact and points to a sign placement on the desk.

"You don't understand, I need to…."

"I don't understand? I do understand. Do you understand that we have 13 shooting victims in these walls. We have people dying. We have people so sick they don't understand what day it is? You sir should leave and come back in visiting hours."

"Glenda!" He hears someone scowl from behind him. "Do you even know who you are talking to?"

The nurse then looks up from the desk and her eyes go wide in shock. "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr Shepherd."

"Can I please see my wife?"

"You don't want to see your daughter first?" She says with a confused look.

"Meredith Grey first, please." He says.

She looks at him and nods her head. "Room 436."

"Glenda I'll show him."

Derek turns around and sees his older sister Kasey standing there. He falls into her embrace and they hold each other for a moment before she leads him to the chairs in the waiting room.

"How is she? She's dead isn't she?" Derek says.

"No, she's still here." Kasey says. "I just need you to understand that her chances of surviving are slim."

"I do know that." He says. "I drove to Lakeview thinking she was dead. I drove here thinking she had died. I understand. I just want to see her and tell her how much I love her and kiss her and share a last moment with her."

Kasey nodded her head.

"Has the baby been brought into her room?"

"No. The peads doctor doesn't want to move the baby because of infection and such."

"I really want Mer to meet the baby even if it's subconsciously."

"I know. I'll take you up to her room and go and get your baby girl. I'm Chief I have the power."

"Thank you." He says standing up and following Kasey to the room.

"We have security by her doors because of the media attention this has surfaced. They may ask to check your bags and such just in case."

"Okay."

Arriving outside her door they are met by two guards.

"Dr Vincent." They say greeting Kasey.

"Boys. This is Ms Grey's husband here. Derek Shepherd. He is going to go in and spend some time with her." Kasey says.

"That's fine." They say. "We'll keep an eye on the door."

"Thanks boys." She says and opens the door and guides Derek into the room.

"Can you tell me about her injuries?" He says staring at Meredith.

"Alright… She was shot in the abdomen. High range, missing the baby bump but shot wounds are tricky and some go straight through, others can cause damage by bouncing around and lodging in the body. The bullet of hers missed the stomach, but hit her intestines and considering that she is in her last 5 weeks, she was lucky that it didn't hit the baby. The bullet went through and lodged itself in her kidneys. Her spleen suffered damage as did her liver. The paramedics rushed her here and straight into surgery where they decided that delivering the baby was the best option and repairing the damage. They did they best job they could with the damage done and they fear that infection is what will take her. She's been out of surgery since 7 pm and they are just making her comfortable. We are hoping for her to get better…."

"But too much damage was done."

"Yeah. I'll leave you to it and I'll go and get your little girl."

"Thank you Kasey."

"No worries." She says leaving the room.

He moves closer to her side and places his hand on her swollen abdomen. She looked so peaceful and quiet just like she was napping. He knew she was under medical sedation and a lot of pain meds to ease the pain. He knew if she woke up it would be a miracle and for the chance to see her eyes again would calm him down a whole heap. Just to hear her voice and such. He kissed her lips and then stood back, grasping her hand.

"I'm so sorry, Mer. You didn't deserve this to happen to you. I was always meant to catch you before you hit the ground. I failed you today and I failed you at my promise I made you. The promise we made each other. Forever meant forever and forever was until we were 100 years old and after we saw the world together and were finally with one another, spending every waking minute with each other. I was almost finished the tour as well and I would have been back for the birth of our baby and then we were going to pack up and move to California and be a family. We would finally live our dreams that we had and I would show you my life and how wonderful it has been to be on the road, writing and recording." He says.

"I haven't even met our little girl yet. I feel terrible that I wasn't here sooner. No one called me or rang me and I would have been here in a heartbeat. Kasey has just gone to get our girl for you to meet her." He says. "I want you to be strong and try and fight this til the very end. Fight this pain and fight this infection with the strong will I know you have. Fight for your life. Light up this world. Be my lady. I need you to breathe and be you so we can be a family and live those dreams we have but I will understand if you don't want to be in this terrible world and if you want to slip into peacefulness and a place where there is no pain but imagine the pain we will go through. The struggles and the constant grief we will have. Think about us as well when you make your final fight.

He looks at her for another long moment. "I have no regrets towards you. Everything you did was right and I was the jerk who could have changed a whole heap of things. I just think time flew and when I realised what was going on, it was too late. I have loved you ever since and I will continue to love you. My focus will be on the kids and making you better. Getting you home and getting you healthy and living again. I will provide all of you with love and we will live out those promises of destination." He says.

"I know I shouldn't feel guilty but all I feel is guilt and this guilt will stay with me for many days until I can forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. Nobody is perfect. You taught me that as well. I know that you love me and I know that love hurts sometimes. It can hurt an awful lot but I will heal that pain. You will heal that pain."

He leans down and kisses her lips. "I love you Meredith and just for me can you open your eyes and meet your girl when she comes into this room. Meet our little girl just in case your time comes. I want you to have that memory of her."

**Thoughts, comments, reviews, favourites, likes?**

**This will let me know how everyone is enjoying and what not. So as a favour to me a little review would be nice.**

**I'll try and update in the next week with questions solved and such.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Is it right for me to come in?" Kasey asks from the door.

Derek turns and looks at her with reddened eyes and nods his head with a small smile hinting at the fact that he gets to see his baby girl.

Kasey pushes the isolate in and over towards Derek and Derek just smiles at seeing the newborn baby tucked away inside.

"Come on little Miss, time to meet your Momma and Dada." She says as she rubs the baby's stomach and then lifts her from the isolate. "Daddy has been patiently waiting for you." Kasey says as she hands the baby to Derek.

Derek holds his daughter in his arms and admires his little girl. She has tubes coming from her body but she is precious. She is his daughter.

"Hello baby girl, daddy's got you. I'm here now and I'm never going to leave you again baby girl." He says placing a kiss on her cheek. "Daddy's got you."

"So do you want to know what is happening with her?" Kasey asks.

"Yes please."

"So being born at 35 weeks is deemed as premature but it's still a good enough time to come into the world with most of their body already developed. So her recovery will be quick. She came in at just 5 lbs. and is 43 cm. Her lungs were the biggest concern at the moment but since she was born 15 hours ago you can tell how much developed they are and how healthy there are becoming just with the CPAP machine which has is a continuous positive airway pressure machine. It works by gently inflating the lungs and keeps them open. Her oxygen is going through the tube in her nose but we think that in a matter of days she'll be off the CPAP and she'll be healthy and will not need the machine. She's in the isolate or the basic unit which just provides care for newborns at 35 to 37 weeks. So really she's just in there for catching up on weight, height and development. Don't be scared of the wires and tubes. They are just monitoring her oxygen levels and keeping her breathing. She's being tube fed at the moment until she can suckle on the bottle. She's a healthy baby Derek and she'll be home in no time."

"So for the time being what can I do?"

"Just being here is helping her. Her daddy's touch is what she needs and lots of attention and affection. Kangaroo care which is skin to skin contact and helps them become more responsive and just letting her know that she is not alone despite everything and with the activity from the NICU it's good to be alone with you."

"I must seem so stupid."

"You're not. You're a first time father experiencing the NICU and prematurity of a baby. This is new and scary compared to when Savannah was born and was healthy enough to go home right away." She says. "All parents who go through this are worried and scared of holding them or being near them just in case they hurt them but parents need to know that they are significant to getting better."

Derek felt relieved and knew that his father instincts were kicking in. It was flight or fight. Anxiety and stress from everything but his daughter had seemed to help in calming his nerves and telling him that, he was doing a good job.

"I remember in my internship I had a patient who was a mother and was in an accident after being run down on her bike. She was in a coma for just over two months with her body healing slowly overtime. The father brought the baby who was only 5 months old when the accident happened every day and because the baby knew that this was her mother. The baby would be placed on her mother's chest and touch her mother, suck on her nose and other things and because of this touch the doctors were amazed at the mothers recovery when they believed that she would never wake up. They believe the baby helped the mother in her recovery. We don't know as surgeons what the brain goes through when in an unconscious state like a coma. Medical miracles happen every day and doctors are always unsure at how. Science is marvellous but the touch of a child is soothing enough for a mother or father to recover." She says. "You should hold the baby up to Meredith's cheek and let them bond."

Derek walks to Meredith's side and with the story going through his mind about touch and bonding he holds his daughter up to Meredith's cheek for skin to skin contact. His baby girl looks curiously at the lady but deep down looks at her to wonder why she isn't awake and cooing over her.

"Look at that." Kasey says.

"What?"

"Her vitals." She says pointing at the machine. "They're rising slowly. She's subconsciously aware."

"I wonder what effect Savannah and Jack would have."

"Bring them in."

"I will get Ma to bring them later."

"Well it's currently 4.30 am, the doctors didn't think she would last this long. She's doing great."

Derek smiles to himself and lets his daughter bond with her mother because this could be her last chance at touching her mother.

"Do you have your camera?"

"Yeah it's in the bag." Derek answers.

Kasey comes over towards the bed with the camera and takes a few photos of Meredith and the baby bonding and one of the three of them. His phone sounds and he juggles his baby while he answers the text.

"Who is it?"

"Calliope. I thought it might have been Ma or someone."

_Hey Derek, so sorry to hear about your wife. How is your baby? Did he/she make it? It would be an awful loss if it didn't make it. I see how much you light up around Savannah and I saw how much she wanted to have another baby sibling. Call me soon and let me know what is going on so I can organise myself. My deepest condolences to you and your family. My prayers and thoughts will be with you. I picked up a gig at a club in LA tonight. We'll pray for you all there. Talk soon. Callie x_

"Meredith would have loved to name the baby Callie. She just loved the name. She wanted a musical name for you. We even discussed it two weeks ago when she was in New York with Savannah and I. We conceived Savannah in New York. The city of lights. City of dreams."

"_Vannah look at Daddy." Meredith says pointing to Derek as the three of them shared breakfast and Derek decided to start pulling funny faces. _

"_Daddy, you're being silly." She says sighing._

"_What's wrong with you miss?" Derek asks Savannah._

"_Why don't you want to name the new baby Savannah? It's a pretty name."_

"_It is, that's why you have the name." Meredith says to her. _

"_We don't want to have two Savannah's in our house. It'll get to confusing."_

"_But you could came me Vannah and the baby Sav."_

"_Van, it will be better if we don't name the baby Savannah and give it its own name. You'll thank us when you're older for doing it."_

"_Daddy." She says. "Why don't you love my name?"_

_Derek just smiles at Meredith before looking down at Savannah. "We do love your name. That's why it's your name. Your mother loved Jack's name and that his own name and the baby will have a name that both your mother and I love and it will be his or her name. In ten years you'll understand why it is better to name the baby another name so there's no confusion or anything else."_

"_I suppose your right." She says sighing again. "What about Savannah as her middle name?"_

"_It might not be a girl." Meredith adds. "It could be a brother."_

"_But Nanna said you're having a girl."_

"_I know she did but that doesn't mean anything. It could turn out to be a boy."_

"_I don't want another brother." She says turning her nose up. "They don't like playing dolly's."_

"_That's just the consequences you make when you have brothers."_

_Savannah ignores her parents and begins to eat some more of her breakfast._

"_Derek, I realised we haven't thought of any names for this one? We've discussed but haven't agreed."_

"_Well I have made a list of a few names that I like at the present moment. You can add to them and tell me what you think of them." She says._

_Derek reads through the list on her phone and smiles. "I actually like these names. Sia, Shelby, Lily, Piper, Emily, Aria, Sienna, Luka, Riley and James. I don't mind them."_

"_You don't want to add to them?"_

"_No. No I don't." He says leaning in and kissing her._

"When we conceived Savannah it was at the apartment which was dubbed the plateau and Savannah means plateau. We didn't actually decide on Savannah until after her birth which was fitting I think. Jack, Meredith named him after the Jackson hotel which she stayed in when she was pregnant with him. And little miss here…."

"Where was she conceived?"

"Italy."

"Well are any of the names on your list Italian?"

"Aria…" They hear and turn and look at Meredith who is awake. "Aria is Italian."

"You're awake." Derek says shocked and moves to her side and kisses her cheek. "You're awake."

She nods her head slowly and then looks to their daughter.

"You want to meet our daughter?" He asks.

"Yes please."

Derek lowers their daughter into her arms to hold and stands there just in case.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" Meredith says smiling.

"Just like her Momma." He says kissing her forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm in a little bit of pain." She says.

"A little bit or a real big amount of pain?" Derek asks.

"Is there an in between of those two?" She asks.

"I'll call for the nurse to get some more morphine."

"Thank you." She says in a daze as Kasey leaves.

"You look tired."

"I only just woke up."

"And you've had a baby and you've had surgery. You're allowed to be tired."

"I had a caesarean. That's nowhere near the amount of pain of natural birth."

"But you've still had a child no matter what. You're hormones are all over the place, your milk production is still coming through and to top it all off…"

"I was shot and had to have surgery. Yeah I know." She says.

"You're fine. You're still alive. Be grateful for that." He says. "And our little girl here."

"She needs a name."

"She surely does." Derek says smiling.

"Aria Grace Shepherd." Meredith says smiling. "Grace for the purity that she has inherited and being that single, graceful flower to come out of this tragedy. Her beauty and her grace she already has. The grace of the two of us. Aria meaning Lioness in Hebrew. She definitely is a lioness, a fighter. The Italian word for Air. The musical sense of being a self-contained piece for once voice, usually found in the context of opera. And for when we met that Opera singer in Spain just after we found out we were having her. The beautiful, breathtaking and kind Aria, a girl we envisioned we would have and we have her."

"Our baby Aria Grace." Derek says capturing a photo. "I love you so much more."

"I love you too." She says as Derek leans down and kisses her lips.

"And I love you for bringing her and Savannah into the world."

"Derek, if I don't make it…"

"Mer, please don't think like that."

"Just in case the infection kills me, just know how much I love you, I should have stayed in LA with you after we had Savannah and I should have never let you go. I was naïve and just wanted you to chase me down to the airport and confess your love to me but I was so silly in thinking that and I just left thinking maybe it was for the good. Maybe it was for the best but we would have had these last 5 years together rather than 2 weeks every 6 weeks." She says.

"Hey, it worked out perfectly fine. I think even though we had 7 years apart we still needed that in a sense. You got married to another man and you had a child with him. I think it was good for you to be with someone other than me."

"About Jack…"

"How's the pain Meredith?" The nurse asks walking into the room and interrupting her. "On a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the worse."

"7 leading towards an 8 but I might say that Aria here is really helping me forget."

"We have a name?" Kasey asks.

"Aria Grace." The two of them say at the same time.

"Little Ari." Kasey says. "She is an Aria."

With the nurse upping her pain relief she soon leaves the four of them.

"Dr Vincent." A doctor says from the door.

"Yes?"

"It's time to take the baby back to the NICU."

"Can't she stay a little longer?"

"Dr Henley isn't too happy that she was taken away. He thinks the baby is at risk of infection for being here."

"She's with her mother and she is happy. If Dr Henley has an issue tell him to come and see me right away because last time I checked I was Chief of this hospital."

"Yes, I know. We are just thinking about the baby."

"Just go and if Dr Henley is pissed then tell him to come down and see me. I'd love to have a few words with him." She says as the intern turns and leaves the room.

"Your aunt is Dr Meanie." Derek says smirking and running his finger down Aria's little cheek.

"Interns." Is all she said. "I'll give the three of you some more alone time."

She left the room in a silence and Meredith patted the space beside her for Derek to lie down beside her. He sat down carefully in the space and snaked an arm around her back and laid his free hand around to pull her into an embrace. He tried not to hurt her or jostle her stitches. He though wanted the comfort of her.

"I miss you these last two weeks." He says.

"Me too. So did little Miss here. She went crazy of a night because you weren't there beside me, she couldn't sense her father and she didn't have you to talk to her of a night to calm her down. She would kick me so hard, it was like she was punishing me."

"Oh Ari, that's not very nice." He says to the baby.

"But all in all, it just makes it feel so much more real and fun. Saturday night, I had Jack in bed with me and he was fast asleep, it was raining at that point in the night and I just lay there thinking about how great things were going to be after your tour and after Aria was born. We would be a family and after nearly 10 years of confusion and not being able to think straight, I was finally able to see clarity. I mean after Savannah and Jack were born I was in that zone of motherhood and was so focused on them but after things just got into such a complicated mess in my mind and I couldn't think straight. Saturday night, I could. I could see us waking of a morning to Jack and Savannah jumping into bed with us and we would tickle them and blow raspberries on their bellies and laugh. Little Miss would be in her basinet beside our bed kicking her legs wanting in on the attention and you would swoop her into your arms and hold her close to your chest and whisper how much you love her and you include her in on our mornings and she would soon get bigger and bigger and smile and laugh as the other two laughed. We would tour the world together as a family. Go on bike rides and family walks along the beach of a night time. We would sit around on Friday evenings with pizza, and sit on the beach and you would play your guitar and we would sing along and laugh some more. As the kids got older they would have a better appreciation of what we did and would understand more. I'd say we would have another child by then and it would be another bundle of joy we would shower in love. I know you have always wanted three children and I would give you that third one."

"Mer, Jack, he isn't biologically mine but he is still my son, no matter what."

"I know." She says swallowing the lump in her throat. "I would still give you another child and we would have four children and we would continue our family traditions even until they all moved out of home and were in college or starting their own families." She says smiling. "No matter what anyone says, you are the one for me and you have been since we were babies. You understand me and you make the world seem so much more clearer for me. I am so carefree and loving because of you and your ways. I would never change a thing. Every little thing you do for me, I lock inside a little box and I go back to those days and I take the time to remember. It has been in these last two years that I have really been at your side and I regret having to get on that plane or in the car and drive home again and if I wasn't so naïve then we would be living in the same house and touring and I wouldn't be here in this hospital with the chances of dying from a stupid infection. I wouldn't be here. We'd be in LA, we'd be home asleep together in bed waiting for the new day to begin. We'd be happy, waiting for her rather than sitting in this bed, after being gunned down. I should have stayed with you."

"Mer, I don't care that you didn't stay with me. It should have been me to ask you to move to LA as soon as your mother died. As soon as we found out about Savannah. I should have been the man and did the right thing. We were both naïve in thinking that it'd be a fairy-tale ending. I wish it had been but if you never came back to Lakeview just after Savannah was born then you wouldn't have Jack and you wouldn't have married Craig and had that beautiful son of yours."

"Derek…"

"No, I'm being serious. Jack is a gorgeous boy and he is beautiful. You wouldn't have him in your life if you didn't leave." He says. "Besides he calls me Daddy. He thinks I am his father because he doesn't have anyone else."

"Derek…"

"No, I'm shutting you up there because there is nothing else that can be added to this." He says and smiles at her. "I love him no matter what." He says and leans down and kisses her. "No more talking about that, okay?" He says.

She swallows the lump in her throat and nods her head. "Okay."

"Great because I don't know how much…"

"I know. Just tell me about the last two weeks with Van?"

He sat beside her and told her about the last two weeks spent with Savannah. Every little thing the two of them did together and about her singing and playing on the stages. He missed out the moment driving home and how worried he was and how he knew that deep down Savannah was feeling the worried tension of her father. Meredith didn't need anymore stress.

While he spoke Meredith's brain was racing a million miles an hour just trying to get around the fact of how he will react when he finds out about Jack. She was dreading that moment and at this point in time she was hiding the fact of her current health status.

She was feeling so rundown and sick. She knew that she'd have a huge uphill fight ahead of her and that the chances of making it till morning where starting to catch up with her body and the infection was in her body. She didn't know what would happen and she didn't want this moment to end. She was with her baby and her husband. She was with the loves of her life. She still needed to see her other two children and her siblings before her time was up.

She didn't want this to end.

"Derek can you take Aria?" She asks.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just my arm is starting to tire. My whole body is and I don't want to hurt her."

"You won't." He says taking Aria from her arms and settling her in his. "You'd never hurt this princess."

She smiles down at Aria and runs her finger over her cheek taking a mental image of what she really looked like. The pure perfections of her newborn girl.

"Kiss me Derek."

He looks down at her and smiles and leans down and kisses her softly and tenderly. A kiss full of love and desire and pain and passion. It had to be memorable right?

**Sorry I had to leave it there. Suspense and all. **

**Let me know what you all thought and I'll try and have an update soon in between everything else that I have planned. **

**And at the moment I have no idea how I'm going to carry on from this chapter so anything could happen. **


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm afraid it's time for Aria to go back to the nursery." Kasey says walking into Meredith's room nearly an hour later.

"Okay." Derek says and holds her close to Meredith to kiss and nuzzle before being placed back into the isolate. Derek kissed Aria as well and laid her down.

"Derek, we have the doctor who delivered Aria down in the NICU. He wants to have a few words with you about Aria and her condition and such."

"Can't it wait?" He says.

"Derek go, I'll be fine. I'm not dying yet." She says smiling.

"Only if you want me to."

"I do. You need to know because you're the only strong one out of the two of us. You find out about her breathing and her lungs and everything and you come back and report to me. And go and get yourself some food."

"Okay. I'll be half an hour. Tops." He says leaning down and kissing her lips. "If you need me.."

"I'll ring. I know." She says. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay, bye." He says going to the door and stops and turns back to Kasey. "Can you?"

"Go Derek." Kasey says shoving him out of the door after the nurse who collected the isolate. "Your husband!" She says grinning.

"Hey he's your brother." She says.

"But you chose to live the rest of your life with him and reproduce."

"Hey we make nice babies."

"Savannah and Aria are beautiful girls." Kasey says.

"They really are. They are daddy's girls even if they have my hair and nose and mouth and chins. They are like him in so many ways. Even Jack is like his father."

"Craig? I don't see any of Craig in Jack. Not even his eyes. Jack looks so much like the girls." She says looking straight at Meredith. "Because Jack isn't Craig's. He's Derek's…" She says.

Meredith just nods her head and her eyes well. "I'm a terrible person." She says.

"Hey, hey, you stop that now." Kasey says moving to her bedside. "You're not a terrible person. Why would you say that?"

"Because I lied about everything. I didn't tell Craig I cheated on him, I didn't even tell my own family about the divorce and everything else. I didn't even tell Derek about Jack. I couldn't. He wouldn't let me. I tried to just then but he told me to be quiet."

"Mer, you're not a terrible person. I say you were a scared mother. You were protecting Jack and Craig. You were protecting everyone especially that little boy of yours." She says pulling Meredith into her arms. "You were scared and afraid."

Meredith accepts her sister-in-laws embrace and seeks comforting in her breakdown.

"It's okay." Kasey says soothing her. "I don't think you're a terrible person. I think you are a brave woman. An inspirational woman. You have given up life goals and dreams for family and hidden secrets for your family. It takes guts to do that and you certainly have guts." She says. "Can I tell you a secret that I haven't told anyone, not even Chad?"

Meredith just nods her head against Kasey's shoulder.

"When Chad and I had gotten together I had split up with my ex about six months earlier. The only thing was that we had split up but we hadn't officially ended the attachment and we were spending weekends together outside of campus and were still seeing each other for booty calls. Chad and I had met one evening after I had just seen my ex and come from his campus. Chad had knocked his drink all over me and offered to buy me dinner to compensate for the shirt and we hit it off and I called things off with my ex. 6 weeks later Chad had officially asked to go steady and I had other things on my mind. I had found out that I was pregnant at 19. I was just about 6 weeks along. 6 weeks prior being the first time I saw Chad and had dinner with him and the last time my ex and I had hooked up. I was a total mess and I didn't have feelings for my ex like I had for Chad."

"But you've always wanted kids."

"I had but not until after my internship and most of my residency was complete. Chad and I started things at a worse time and I was a wreck. He saw this and thought it was him who had done this but I made up an excuse that it was the anniversary of my best friend's death that week and this time it just hit me hard and he understand considering he lost his brother at 16. So he gave me space while I went and aborted my ex's child. I didn't feel a connection to this pregnancy and I didn't need that extra stress. I know it's shocking to hear about someone who aborted their own child but I was scared especially since I had Chad newly in my life and I was young. So secrets out." She says. "What you did was nowhere near as bad as mine."

Meredith took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"You did a brave thing. It's hard to make that choice." Meredith says. "Believe me. It's even harder when you don't get the choice in life or death."

"Hey, you couldn't control that. It was an unfair experience and you were handed the bad luck that time." She says. "Don't beat yourself up about that." Kasey says. "Our babies are together keeping each other safe. Don't you worry?" She tells her. "And besides, Derek would have never won a Grammy without that experience happening."

The two women stay quiet for a moment pondering their words and thinking back to their unfortunate times.

"I say as a small town we have seemed to experience a lot more trauma and pain then the time I have lived here in Moses Lake and it's so much bigger."

"With a population so small it affects you more though." Meredith adds in. "We've been crime free but it's just been deaths and illnesses and accidents that have taken people."

"Its life though." Kasey says as her pager sounds. "I've gotta go. I'll try and be five minutes tops."

"Okay Kase. I'll see you soon." She says as Kasey rushes out of the door and leaves Meredith to herself.

She reaches to the bedside and grabs the notepad and pen that was sitting there and despite the pain she wrote what she had to express just in case she drifted into a coma or even worse couldn't be resuscitated because of the infection. She wrote what she had to tell Derek about just to be safe. Better him read it on her deathbed then find out from someone else. This was what deathbeds were for, right?

She might not even be on her deathbed, she could miraculously get so much healthier and be out of this hospital to move to LA and be with Derek and the kids and watch them grow into beautiful beings.

So she began to write and jotted every little thing Derek deserved to know from tiny secrets she never shared with him or the thoughts and emotions that came across her body. Yes they were married and have known each other for 27 years but it didn't mean that a secret or two were kept from each other. She also wanted to say a formal goodbye if Derek never made it to her bedside in time to say goodbye.

She tore the page from the pad and folded it up and wrote Derek's name on it and instructions not to read if her life ends. She slipped it into his guitar bag and settled herself into her bed and closed her eyes to rest.

…

"So she is doing fine?" Derek asks Dr Drake as he rubs Aria's stomach.

"She is perfect for a premature baby. She's so lucky that she was lying low because then there could have been sufficient damage to her. I say she would have been an early arrive judging on the way she was in the uterus. I say two more weeks and she would have been here."

"Meredith has had two healthy pregnancies and carried to term. This one was healthy up to this stage."

"Your wife is a healthy person and most people carry their children to full term its just unfortunate cases like preterm labour, complications with the baby and the mother…"

"Shootings."

Dr Drake just nods his head and closes Aria's chart. "But on the bright side. Little Aria should be ready to go home in two to three weeks if she improves like she is right now. She's getting stronger every minute and I say by mid-week she'll be off the CPAP machine and just on regular oxygen. I believe she's ready to be bottle fed by midday today. We will keep a close eye on Aria here and run exams and tests and monitor her. There's no reason for anything dramatic to happen between now and her going home."

"Thank you Dr Drake."

"No worries."

"I'll pop down a little later and see her. I just want to keep an eye on Mer and spend some time with her just in case…"

"I know. We might bring her down to your wife's room in a couple of hours for some more mother-child bonding time."

"Thank you Dr Drake. Hopefully the two kids will be here by then to meet their little sister and see their mother."

"That'd be nice. I'm here all day so if you need me just page me."

"I shall. Thank you." Derek says with a parting kiss on Aria's hand and then leaving for Meredith's room.

He power walked to her room and entered the room and he went into panic mode seeing her with her eyes closed. As he approached her bedside and saw that her vitals were fine he was relieved. He didn't know much about medicine but from the times studying with his sisters and watching movies and shows with these monitors attached he had a fair idea at what was good and bad. They weren't beeping out of control and she wasn't crashing which was a good thing.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was just past 5 am and he thought that maybe a few hours' sleep would do him the world of good. At least until the kids arrived. He sent his mother a text to tell her to come straight to the hospital when the kids woke and he settled himself at Meredith's bedside in a chair and grasped her hand and closed his eyes for some rest.

…

"Derek." He hears. "Derek. Wake up."

He rubs the sleep from his eyes and sees his mother standing at the bedside with a coffee in her hands.

"Hi. Where are the kids?"

"Kasey has them. She'll bring them in in a few minutes." She says. "Kasey just wanted to make sure that you were awake and presentable. You look like hell Derek."

"Thanks Ma." He says as he sips from his coffee and rubs his eyes.

"Kasey said Meredith was awake."

"Yeah she was, nearly an hour which is good. She just really needs rest to recover and its morning now, so hopefully the doctors verdict has ended."

"I know. I hope so too." She says as she offers him a warm smile. "I brought a spare pair of clothes for you and some toiletries. If you want to freshen up."

"Thanks Ma." He says kissing her cheek before disappearing into the adjoining bathroom.

He felt refreshed from just changing his clothes and washing his face with warm water. He fixed his hair and decided that the five o'clock shadow that had formed could be dealt with later on. Facial hair wasn't a top priority of his at this present moment.

He dried his face on a nearby towel and then left the bathroom where his mother was tidying the room and separating a bunch of flowers in a vase and setting a few photo frames and other personal items around the room to make it homey and less hospital room like.

"Oh and I brought some things for the baby. Some clothes and things but I suppose she won't be in clothing for at least a week or so. They'll probably be huge on her though. Oh and the coming home outfit Meredith bought her. I have it here because it was so special to Meredith and…"

"Ma, deep breaths, okay?" He says placing his arms on her shoulders. "We don't have to worry about these things just yet, okay?"

"Okay." She says nodding her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Derek says. "You're allowed to be frantic and like this."

Carolyn leans into her son and embraces him. A long embrace that has been long overdue.

"It's been too long Derek." She says into his chest.

"I know it has been. I invited dad and you to come on the tour with me."

"Then who would have been here to care for the kids?"

"Bring them along as well." He says laughing. "It'd be a fun, family affair."

"Yes it would be." She says.

"But I'm in town for a little while longer. Most likely a long while." He says. "We'll make up for lost time then."

"Okay."

"Oh crap." He says.

"What?"

"I have to call Jen. Tell her to cancel the show on Wednesday. I need to let her know what is going on. But my phone is flat."

"Where's your charger?"

"In the car."

"That's fine. I'll go and get it for you and I'll Kasey know to bring the kids in."

"Thanks Ma." He says handing her the keys and watching her walk out of the room.

He looks at Meredith's sleeping slumber and goes and sits down beside her. He grasps her hand and holds it up towards his mouth and places a soft kiss on her hand before lowering it and he just watches her chest rise and fall.

"The kids are here, ready to see you. I'm going to go and see them and I'll be back with them so they can see you. I'd love if you were awake to see them." He says and kisses her forehead before leaving the room.

He finds Kasey at the nurses' desk entertaining the kids with office supplies and telling them silly jokes.

"Hey kids."

"Daddy!" Savannah says with her eyes lighting up. "I missed you."

"So did I baby."

"Why are you here?"

"Well because Mommy is here."

"Did Momma have the baby?" She asks and Derek looks up at Kasey for some support.

"She did Van." Kasey says. "She had the baby."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Can we go and see the baby?"

"Not just yet sweetie. The baby is in the nursery sleeping."

"Well can we see Momma then?"

"Savannah, I need to tell you something about Mommy and it's going to be upsetting and scary but you need to know that she is fine."

"What's wrong?"

"Your mother had an accident yesterday, she was hurt really badly and they had to deliver the baby because she was very hurt. Your Mommy is very hurt and she needs time to get better and it will take a while for her to not be hurt anymore. So I need you to understand that Mommy may be in the hospital quite a while and that she may be too hurt to come home ever again."

"What do you mean by that?" She asks.

"Savannah." Kasey says. "Do you know how doctors fix people and make them better?"

"Yes."

"Well sometimes they can't fix people and they get very sick and hurt and they are no longer around."

"Like they go on a very long holiday?"

"Yeah, kind of. Remember Charlie, you're dog?"

"Yes, he got very sick so Momma had to take him to the vet and he never came back home because he was very sick and had to have a needle to put him down. Is Charlie still at the vets?"

"No, Charlie is in heaven."

"Doggy heaven?"

"Yes sweetie." Kasey says. "People go there when they pass away."

"So you're saying that Momma could go to heaven?"

"Yes sweetie."

"She may die?" Savannah asks.

"She could but at the moment she is fine. She's really hurt though."

"What happened in her accident?"

"Someone hurt her, sweetie." Kasey says.

"Did you fix her?"

Kasey nods her head to reassure the child. "I did. I did my very best to make her better but sometimes it's hard to fix people until there is no more hurt and pain. Your Momma is still hurt and in pain."

"Can I go and see her?"

"Sure." Kasey says. "Daddy will take you in."

"Will you come?" Savannah asks Kasey.

"If you want me to sweetie."

"Yes please."

"Well let's go then." She says grabbing Savannah's hand.

Derek lifts Jack from the desk and kisses his head and inhales the baby smell.

"Before we go in, it will be scary because she looks hurt. She'll have some wires and tubes connected to her body and she has some stitches on her body. Remember when you had to have your leg stitched up after getting it caught on that fence and you had to be careful not to pop them?" She says and Savannah nods her head. "Well it'll be just like that. So you have to be careful of her as well. Okay, lets…."

"She's not awake yet either. So just be mindful that she is still resting."

"Okay." Savannah says nodding her head. "Can I see Momma now?"

"Of course sweetheart."

Kasey opens the door to the room and leads Savannah inside. Derek follows close behind and closes the door.

"Momma." Jack says clapping his hands.

"Yes, that's right Jack." Derek says and goes and sits him on the bed beside her. "You have to be gentle Jack. Soft touches."

"Soft." Jack says and pats Meredith's arm softly. "Momma, wake up."

Savannah is lifted to the bed and she just runs her hand up and down her mother's leg.

Derek goes and takes a seat near the kids and sips his coffee and Kasey leaves the room.

"Momma?" Jack says.

"Momma's sleeping Jack." Savannah says to her brother.

He then touches Meredith's belly and looks to Savannah.

"Where is the big belly?"

"The baby isn't in there anymore Jack. The baby is sleeping in the nursery."

"Meet?"

"We will. Once it wakes up." She says. "Daddy what did we get?"

"A baby sister." They hear and see Meredith waking.

"Momma." Jack squeals.

"Hey big boy." She says reaching out and touching his cheek. "Vanna."

"Hi Momma. I missed you."

"I missed you lot's too." She says softly. "I'm glad your back."

Derek stands and goes over and kisses her. "Good morning."

Meredith just smiles at him. "Can you move the kids so they are beside me?"

"Of course."

He lifts Jack up and places him in the gap beside her and then moves Savannah to the gap on the other side and both kids snuggle into their mother.

"So we have a sister?" Savannah says.

"You sure do." Meredith says. "Aria Grace."

"That's so pretty Momma. Pretty like you."

"Knock, knock. Someone here is awake and wants to visit." Kasey says at the door with the isolate.

"Come on in."

Kasey wheels the isolate into the room beside the bed.

"Morning Aria." Meredith says.

"Dr Drake says that we'll try bottle feeding now when she's ready."

Derek had reached into the isolate and taken Aria out and settled her in his arms.

"Do you want to feed her Mer?"

"No you do it." She says. "I'm happy sitting here besides the other two."

Derek rocked Aria in his arms and patted her back.

"I really wish I could have breastfed her." Meredith says.

"I know. It sucks that you can't." Derek says. "Is there any possible way…"

"I would say go for it but I'm not as qualified to answer those questions and I would say not to get attached just in case." She says.

"Right." Derek says nodding his head. "Just in case."

Derek rocks Aria in his arms and the kids embrace their mothers' touch and smell for comfort.

"I'll come back later guys. I have rounds."

"Okay." Derek says smiling at his sister as she leaves.

"Momma why does she had tubes connected to her?"

"Because she too is hurt like Mommy."

"Will she get better?"

"She sure will. She was born five weeks early though so she's just gotta catch up on her growth and development and get stronger so she can come home and get ready to fight her siblings off."

"We won't be rough with her Momma."

"I know you won't be." She says. "Here give me Ari."

Derek lies the baby down onto her chest and Meredith places a hand on Aria's back and kisses her forehead.

"This is your baby sister, Aria." Meredith says.

"She's beautiful."

"My bubba." Jack says patting her foot. "She's my bubba Momma."

"Yes she is Jack." Meredith says smiling down at Jack. "She's my baby as well."

"Do you love her Momma?" Jack asks.

"Of course I do. I love you, Savannah, Aria and Daddy with all my heart. I love you as much as my heart can hold and give all that I can."

"I love you Momma."

"I know you do Jack."

Derek reaches into his guitar bag for his camera and finds a note that had been placed in there.

_To Derek. Do not read until I pass on and I am no longer a living breathing soul._

He felt his heart clench inside his chest and a squeak came from his throat.

"Daddy, are you alright?"

"Yes… Yes I'm fine." He says. "Just remind me that I have to call Jenny."

He pulled the camera out from the bag and snapped a few shots of the four of them together before he switched his camera for his guitar.

"Are you going to play for us daddy?" Savannah asks.

"Yes I am." He says. "I think it's time for Aria to hear me play."

"What are you going to play?" Meredith asks.

"She is love." He says smiling at her. "The first song I played for Savannah."

"Oh that is true. I think it's appropriate."

"Well what was the first song you played for Jack, Daddy?"

He looks to Meredith and then remembers to the day that he played for Jack. Jack was only just three days old and was finally home but being born in LA after an early arrival the three of them were camped in Derek's apartment and being a warm Spring afternoon. Derek rocked the swing softly with his foot while he played for Jack as Meredith and Savannah where curled up together on the couch asleep and he was spending some quality time with the boy he wished was his perfect son.

"I sang him dinosaur."

"There's a song called dinosaur?" Savannah asks.

"There sure is."

"Can I hear it?"

"Maybe after Aria's song." He says realising that he had never played dinosaur for Savannah when it was so important and close to him considering the times he was off travelling and leaving her here. "I will definitely show you."

"Okay daddy." She says. "Play Aria's song now."

Derek settles himself onto the bed and tunes the strings and strums to get the feeling of the keys and then settles himself.

"Now this goes to you little Aria. I hope you like it." He says and clears his throat.

"_I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,  
But she takes it all for me.  
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,  
But she makes me want to believe._

They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,  
But she waited patiently.  
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,  
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.  
And when those stars burn out, here.  
Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here,  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

She is love, and she is all I need,  
She is love, and she is all I need,  
She is love, and she is all I need."

He looked to Meredith who had tears welling in her eyes. He knew how personal this song was to her. Especially since after they finally married the two of them just lying in bed together and listened to this song and once it ended she told him that for now on this song was about the two of them. A totally relatable song to their relationship and he just told her that she was love and all he needed and she cried happy tears.

"Thank you." She mouths.

"That was beautiful daddy." Savannah says.

"Your daddy is real good at singing and playing, isn't he?" Meredith says.

"Hey, you're mother is better."

"You two are equally good. I can't choose my favourite." She says smiling.

"Well I think Aria liked it, she's asleep. Sound asleep."

Derek stands from the bed and moves closer to peak at his daughter who was curled across her mother's chest, her right hand under her chin and her left hand grasping her mother's gown.

Derek kissed Meredith's forehead. "I think we should all take a moment to appreciate we are grateful for at this point in time." He says. "I am grateful for you three beautiful children, your beautiful mother and the gift of music."

Meredith looks to the kids. "The love we all share in this family and the love of music."

"For Momma and Daddy, Jack and Aria." Savannah says smiling.

"Everything." Jack says clapping his hands together.

"I think being grateful for everything is fine Jack." Meredith says. "I certainly am. I am though grateful for this moment and I will cherish it until the end of my time."

That is when Derek's throat feels as if it closes and the air gets caught in his throat and a squeaking noise comes out for his throat.

"Jack and Savannah, I want the two of you to know how much I love you. I love you two and Aria so, so, so much that it hurts. I want to stick around forever and watch you grow and be happy and love someone that you love so much that they make your world spin. I hope to see you three have your own children and watch them grow and become beautiful human beings. I want you three to know that I love you and remember that I love you. I will never stop loving you and even if I'm far away I'll always be near. Remember that. I love you so much."

She kisses Jack, then Savannah and then Aria.

"We love you too Momma." Savannah says. "Please don't die."

"I'll try not to sweetheart."

**Sorry for the delay and the slow progress. I think it was important for the kids to see their mother. It'd hurt a whole lot if they never got the chance to say goodbye.**

**My week is less chaotic this week and an update I hope will be up by the weekend or earlier. I'm hoping that I can organize some time to sit and write. **

**So reviews would be great and hopefully a whole lot will come from this. More flashbacks and more knowing. **


	4. Chapter 4

"She's awake?" Derek hears. He turns around and sees his mother heading towards him.

"She was she's napping now. I thought I'd give her some time alone with the kids. They deserve it." Derek says not taking his eyes off Meredith and Jack who were snuggled together. Savannah had gone with Kasey back to the nursery.

"You are her husband; you do deserve to have this time with her."

"I know Ma but I just need a moment to not be in that room worrying like crazy that I may hurt her or something." He says. "Everything though makes sense when you watch a sleeping child. I don't know why but I can just see my future clearer and see what I want to do." He says. "Ever since Savannah was born I've understood the beauty of a sleeping child."

Carolyn looks at the room and then to Derek. "Come and take a seat for a moment Derek."

The two go and sit down in the waiting area and Carolyn hands Derek a photo album.

"What's this?"

"A reminder of how special your relationship with Meredith has been these last 27 years." She says. "Growing up you two were inseparable. We always would have to suffer temper tantrums and your games when we wanted to go home. You were so protective of her as well. I remember from the age of about three you would make sure she was happy and had her favourite toy. You would push your sisters away when they tried to play because she was yours."

"She still is Ma."

"I know she is. The bond the two of you have is beautiful and even when you did leave ten years ago, she was upset but she knew that one day you two would be together. Even if it was 20 years later. You would both wait for each other."

"Tell me about Meredith and Jack's bond. I mean, I have spent time with him and such but I never saw or heard about the other moments. I experienced parts of her pregnancy and after he was born but I've missed so much of his growing up when he stays here."

Carolyn stays silent for a while thinking of what to tell her son.

"The two of them had such a special relationship." She says smiling. "When she found out she was having another child she was ecstatic. Craig, her husband had just been deployed to Iraq 6 weeks earlier so it was something that most army wives did. They fell pregnant so if their husband never made it home then they would have a reproduction of their husbands. The day he deployed she went to Seattle for about 7 days for some time with Savannah. She came back happy and there were no sad emotions or feelings. She came to me when she found out about the baby and was thrilled. She was so careful throughout her pregnancy and did everything according to the doctor's orders, exactly like her pregnancy with Savannah. Mark and Thomas were always offering to help her with the baby furniture and moving things around.

"The last 8 or 9 weeks of her pregnancy she received a letter from Craig and she was in tears after she read the letter. I still don't know why she was in tears but I comforted her and she fell asleep and I took the letter from her hands to place on the table beside her and saw that there was no mention of the baby and telling her to keep well. It was a two line sentence telling her that he found someone else over here and he knows that she never loved him. His wedding ring was in the letter as well. It was two weeks later she received a house visit from Sergeant Forbes informing her that he had been killed in the line of duty. She kept it together and I never once saw her cry. She was determined on finishing the pregnancy healthy and carrying the baby to term and caring for Savannah. After the military funeral for him she focused on her little baby and Savannah and that's when you came and got her and took her to LA for a distraction and to spend some time with them. She then had Jack and you know that part."

"She spent those six weeks before she delivered just nesting and we wrote and collaborated and walked along the beach and slept-in. the 25th of May she went into labour with Jack around midday and we took her to the hospital. Savannah stayed with us during the birth and watched her baby brother come into the world. He was gorgeous and I was honoured to watch the birth of him, even though he wasn't my son. I watched as this 7 pound baby lay on his mothers' chest for the first time and she soothed the tears and the cries and that bond formed instantly. Just like what had happened moments after Savannah's birth. For Meredith to just ask me to be there was special enough. I was at that point meant to be writing some more but I put that on hiatus." Derek says smiling.

"She came up with the name Jack Christopher because it was plain and simple and he really suited it and Christopher was after me. She also named him Jack because of the hotel we had stayed in during her pregnancy. The time we were in the hospital I just watched the love form so instantly just like with Savannah. The room was just filled with love and at just 8 hours old I had already fallen in love with him and declared that from then on, I would be a father to him, everyone deserves a father and I would step up to that plate. He had gorgeous blue eyes and no hair covering his head. Just like Savannah and I supported her in the transition from pregnancy to a newborn and Savannah touched and cooed over her baby brother. While she rested, I sat beside her and I wrote 7 songs while she slept and while Jack grew accustomed to this hostile world. A song for each pound he weighed. I think I averaged a song in 30 minutes which just felt so special." He tells his mother.

"Well when you brought her home from LA and then left, I stayed with her for a few days to help with Savannah and to spend time with Jack. The night after you left she was putting him down, she told Jack that she wished that they had stayed in LA to be with Daddy and see him live his life. She wishes they would be together because you had promised to be Jack's father. You got to watch his first breath and she was glad. Two weeks later she was back to work at the clinic and she was terrific at multitasking and doing the Mom thing with a newborn and a toddler and her career while her partner was away." She says.

"She started with Jack at her side so she wouldn't miss a moment. She never wanted to leave his side and she would be in the clinic working and Jack would be in the sling while she worked at the desk, over her shoulder sleeping with her rubbing his back with soft circles whole she greeted patients and admitted them. Once he got bigger he would be in his Bumbo Chair or his bouncer by her desk. He soon would be placed in a walker once he wanted to be active and he would explore the waiting room and have everyone coo over him. She was terrific and that ensured her the safety of him being at her side, the ability to breastfeed him and to have that bond grow more and more. The bond that babies need once they are growing. The bond has grown so strong in 2 years and he has become a beautiful boy. Her mothering skills have expanded and the relationship with the kids is always envied by the mothers of Lakeview. The love of her children is so great. Even when she leaves you with Savannah for short periods of time in another state or country. People wonder how she can do it and she just tells them it's called love."

"Savannah says that he is quite good in the musical department?"

"Well, being only 2 years old Derek but he is so gifted already. He's a prodigy at 2 years old. He'll be just like Savannah."

Derek smiled and thought back to the first time he sang for Jack. He smiled even more.

"What?" Carolyn asks.

"I'm just thinking to when Jack was first home from the hospital."

"Tell me about it." Carolyn says.

"_Mer, go and rest. You need it."_

"_But what about Jack?"_

"_He's asleep and I've done the dad thing before. I know what to do. Change his nappy, cuddle him, you have a bottle in the fridge just in case. I'll be fine."_

_She smiles and kisses his cheek, handing him the baby monitor and goes off into the living room and lays down beside Savannah. They had just brought Jack home this morning and for 6 weeks the four would camp out in Derek's apartment together as a family and Derek wanted to spend all this time with the boy who was so perfect, the son he wished was his own. Derek smiles at the scene and goes to his laptop to edit some of the lyrics he had written in the past few weeks ready for a look over for the new album. They had a deadline and it was for September to have the album written, recorded and produced ready to go out for early December. _

_He heard a soft whimper sound on the monitor and decided lyrics could wait for the time being. He left his computer and headed to the main bedroom where Jack currently was. He stood beside the basinet and watched Jack kick his legs and fidget in a dreamlike state. He watched as he searched for his pacifier and Derek reached and placed it back into his mouth. Jack's eyes soon opened and he searched for his mother._

"_Hey Jack." Derek says softly. "Do you wanna come out?"_

_Jack's eyes move to Derek's direction and he stares at him. He lifts the baby from the bed and kisses his head softly and inhales the sweet baby scent. The air was warm in the house and Derek knew that a warm summer was expected especially with today's high temp of 84 degrees. _

"_How about we go and sit out on the balcony and I can sing to you?" He says to the baby. Derek honestly wasn't planning on singing a song to the baby that would be known as his song but he would treat Jack as his own and if singing him a song made him feel connected to Derek through music then he was all for it. "You know what Jack, I didn't plan on this but I do have a perfect song for you."_

_Jack was clad in just a summer onesie and had been loosely wrapped in a thin cotton blanket. Derek had rewrapped Jack and laid him down in the baby swing that had been placed on the balcony earlier in the day when they had lunch out there. Derek's guitar was also out there from when he played the guitar last night while he stayed home with Savannah. _

_He sat in front of the swing and placed his foot lightly on the swing and pushed Jack while he restrung his guitar._

"_Now Jack this is called Dinosaur and I hope you like it." He says and clears his throat lightly and played the strings on his guitar. _

'_I'm trying to beat my misery  
I don't want to go across the sea  
And if I could take you everywhere there  
would be no cause for my despair_

And I know we won't touch for months  
and your smell will evade me  
But our love could survive a war  
without the slightest sore

I know you suffer from my art  
always pulling us apart  
Your forever in my brain  
even when I cause you pain

And I know I can't taste your skin  
with an ocean between us  
But our love is a dinosaur, hear it rawr

And I know we won't touch for months  
and your smell will evade me  
But our love could survive a war  
without the slightest sore  
And I know I can't taste your skin  
with an ocean between us  
But our love is a dinosaur, hear it rawr'

_Derek played for the newborn boy and he watched the newborn just track him and not take his eyes off of Derek. Derek thought that if Jack was a little older he would respond with a smile or a word or baby babble but he knew deep down Jack understood and was trying to communicate through his blue, sleepy eyes and small baby body._

_Derek lifted Jack to his arms and held the boy in his arms and spent time bonding with this perfect boy._

"_Jack you are perfect, I so wish I was your daddy but I don't mind you calling me daddy. I'll always be there for you even if I am thousands of miles away. I'll always be right here." He says pointing to Jack's chest, right near his heart. "I'll always love you because no man will ever love you like I will. No man will proudly call you his son like I will. And no one will proudly call me their father like you will. I love you so much Jack and I'm so glad your Momma had you. Welcome to your crazy life."_

"It's a moment you should forever cherish Derek."

"I know Ma." He says. "When was the first time Meredith and I met Ma?" He had heard this story before off his father but he always managed to smile when he heard it.

She smiles at him and inside her mind she goes through those 27 years to the day they first met.

"I had been neighbours of Ellis and Thatcher ever since Kathleen was a toddler and Nancy was a baby. They moved in 7 months after we did and I was heavily pregnant with Kasey at this time. Ellis was a bit stand offish but she told me that her and Thatch were expecting their first baby in 3 months. Thomas and Kasey grew up together. About a year later we both ran to each other with pregnancy tests in our hands saying we were pregnant. Lexie and Amelia were 10 hours apart and we shared the same hospital room. Then after about 14 months I was pregnant with you as well. About 2 months ahead of her when she found out she was pregnant with Meredith. We did all the baby things together and always shared those moments with one another. She became my best friend and we would sit on the couch together eating tubs of ice cream and we would let our belly's touch and feel the kicks come from the two of you. I went into labour with you and she held my hand since your father got caught in a storm in Seattle. Then 6 weeks later Meredith was born and I held Ellis's hand since Thatcher was too busy with work. After they wrapped Meredith and I laid you down in the basinet with her and you looked at this other baby in awe and held her hand. I'll never forget the moment you held her hand and never looked away from her."

"Cradle to grave." He says with a slight smile.

"I hope so. That's what you have to hold onto and fight for. So does she." She says. "I have to call Nancy. I promised I'd give her an update on everything and reassure her that you are alive."

She gets up and leaves Derek to ponder the first meeting they shared. Derek then looks down at the photo album and runs his hand over the cover. The cover housed a small sonogram detailing his first picture.

He opened the front cover and inside was a small note.

_My first picture of my 5__th__ child. 7 months and you're sweetness will be in my presence and I will forever call you mine. Love Mom._

Looking at the first picture he noticed it to be another ultrasound picture beside another one.

_Baby Shepherd 16 weeks. _

_Baby Grey 8 weeks._

He realised it just wasn't his photo album, it was also Meredith's.

_Found out that Ellis is also welcoming a baby 8 weeks after me. Let's hope for a beautiful friendship and everlasting friends. To our beautiful babies._

He flicked through the album and viewed pictures from before the birth and of their mothers together. Lounging in a blow up pool with their small bellies touching and laughing at whatever was said. Comparing their bellies at Thanksgiving dinner. Partners at birthing classes and painting nurseries. He recognised that they were painting Meredith's nursery with the soft lavender colour on the walls. The same lavender that covered the walls 27 years later which had never changed. He smiled remembering all the times they spent in that bedroom growing up.

Photographs from their first moments in the world to meeting each other and their siblings. Other memories like birthday's, first time walking, first day of school, riding their bikes, Christmas's Easter and other occasions. Memories flooded back to him and he remembered every detail like the back of his hand. He remembered 27 years' worth of memories. Graduations and the day he left Lakeview. First time performing local gigs and busking. Growing up and the growing bump of Savannah and her first moments of life and her first time home and in LA and being on stage with her father. From then to her first birthday's and Christmas's and her milestones. Meredith's then pregnant with Jack and his first time in the world and milestones and then the recent shots of their reunion and marriage and to the first form of Aria growing beneath her shirt.

Derek realised that no photograph from the marriage between Craig and her where present in the album. He assumed that his mother would have just taken them out to spare the later pain.

One picture did catch his eye, it was a recent one and was when they had come to LA for Christmas with him. Meredith sat at the piano with Savannah by her side following closely at her mother's actions and then Jack playing his toy drums that he had been given for Christmas. Meredith was just newly pregnant with Aria and the form of a bump was still hidden but the smile on her face made her whole body glow. He just couldn't get over how musical Jack and Savannah were and he was proud at this. He hoped they would find success.

He closed the album and decided he would let the world know about his little girl.

He found the first photo he taken and tweeted it.

_Amongst the pain we are going through, our single graceful flower has welcomed us with her presence, our beautiful Aria Grace. _

He stood up and walked to Meredith's room. Jack and she were still curled up beside each other and he went and sat down beside the bed and saw Meredith's eyes open.

"Hey go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping before." She says.

"You should rest."

"I can't Derek." She says with pleading eyes.

"Oh, I get you." He says and looks down at his hands. "What happened Mer? I haven't been told anything about it and I understand if you don't want to tell me but I don't want to read a newspaper article until I know the facts."

She cleared her throat and turned her head away.

"Okay you don…." He says.

"I had yesterday off and since your mother has been caring for the kids and putting up with my surging hormones throughout the years I wanted to treat her to breakfast." She says interrupting him. "So we put Jack in his trike and we walked down to the restaurant. It was Sunday and Sunday brunch you know is always busy. We got our usual booth and Jack sat on my lap while we ate and like always he was showing off and was centre of attention and said good morning to everyone and made them stop and coo over him." She tells him smiling.

"We had just finished eating and I just got off the phone to you and Van then I had to duck off to the bathroom because the baby was pressing my bladder, thinking it was fun. I left your mother with Jack and they had started to count the sugar sachets and an awful explosion sounded from outside the diner and I ducked because its instincts to duck but I realised I was being silly and walked into the stall, I could start to smell smoke and I didn't know if it was a fire inside the diner but the smoke alarms didn't sound so I didn't rush but I then heard an awful noise sound, a gun was firing a round and I knew that Jack and your mother was out there and I needed to get to them but there was another lady in the room and she held me back telling me we were safe. I didn't know what was going on out in the diner and I was nervous. I could hear murmurs and muffled screams. The door to the bathroom opened and I saw a woman crawl into the bathroom followed by yelling, she struggled to pull the lock across so she hid along with the other woman and I was left standing face to face with the gunman."

"From that moment he just yelled at me for not staying where I was told to and that I disobeyed him and it was stupid of me to disobey a man with power. I tried to speak but I couldn't. The words were stuck on my tongue and I couldn't speak. He grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me out of the bathroom and pushed me down onto the ground. I fell quite badly on my side, scrambled to sit up and I held my hands up in a silence to not kill me. I could see people huddled under tables and debris and bodies sprawled along the floor. It was a scene out of an action moving. I then begged him not to shoot and he told me that he should because I didn't obey him. I started to shake as tears overcame my body. I didn't even notice Dr Frankston walk towards the gunman with his hands in the air, trying to reason with him. I could barely make out the conversation but my boss and my doctor was there trying to spare my life. He said that I wouldn't hurt anyone and that I was pregnant. He asked the shooter if he would a woman who was pregnant and told the shooter to take him. I was carrying a living, breathing soul and I was already a mother to two children. I froze as he looked at me and then back to Neil."

"He looked at Neil and held his gun, pointed at him and then the shooter began to go on about a girlfriend, I assume and how his baby died in-utero. Neil told him it unfortunately happens and he knew it happened because he was a doctor and how sometimes these things are just not meant to be. The shooter was enraged and he started shouting and got aggressive. He pulled the trigger at Neil and he went down. He fired another round to silence everyone and then turned to me and asked about my pregnancy at gunpoint. All I got to do was tell him it was my third child and he laughed and asked why I got three babies and why he got none." She says as tears start to fall. "He said that I didn't deserve three babies and he fired a bullet at me and I fell back to the ground covering my injury and that's where I saw your mother, clutching Jack to her body, covering his eyes and ears. From then I can't comprehend what went on because I was in so much shock and was worried about the baby and Jack and everyone else. I heard shouting and then a gunshot and I closed my eyes bracing for the second impact but I didn't feel anything but felt the floor moving with scared people and then felt two hands cover my hand. I looked up and saw your mother."

"She asked how I was and how the baby was. The baby was kicking my like crazy, the shock and impact hadn't done anything but stir her up. I was feeling weak though from losing so much blood. She stroked my head and then new people swarmed over me, paramedics and a doctor. They assessed me quickly and got me on the gurney and into the back of an ambulance. Your mother continued to hold my hand and I told her straight up that they had to save the baby if I didn't have any fighting chance. She then said what about both of you? She grasped my hand harder and smiled at me and told me we were almost there. I thought I was dying so in shock I listed off everything I wanted her to tell you and for her to know. We arrived at the hospital and that's all I know. I went into surgery with a bullet wound, pregnant and losing blood. I came out with no baby, no bullet wound and a chance of infection and I woke up to see your face."

Derek grasped her hand with tears falling down his face. He looked up at her and saw the tears covering her cheeks and he leant up and kissed her cheeks.

"You are so brave." He says and places a kiss on her lips.

"I'm nowhere near brave." She says frowning.

"Of course you are Mer." He says kissing her lips again.

She looks down to Jack and squeezes her eyes shut together for a moment. "Derek I need to tell you something and you have to promise not get mad, or upset or angry at me okay?"

"Okay, what is it?"

"You have to realise I was scared of what would happen."

"Mer, you're scaring me."

"Remember how I showed up at your hotel room after Craig deployed and that week we fell into bed the whole week. That week was beautiful and you really did cheer me up. Before he deployed we found out that Craig was infertile and we weren't able to conceive a baby. I know this doesn't help but before his tests came back we were trying a whole lot and nothing worked, so we went and got tested and we found out. That night on Craig and I didn't have sex at all because he was disappointed in himself and he decided to stay on base and to not come and visit me. I wasn't on the pill when I visited you and you know what no contraception means?"

"Yeah, conception occurs if you're lucky enough."

"Luck would have it Derek, we made Jack."

He looks at her then to Jack.

"That's impossible. Craig is his father. You even said so."

"I never agreed that he was. I never hinted he was. Derek, Craig was infertile. There's no chance that Jack is his child. He's yours Derek." She says. "Jack is your biological son Derek."

**So the secret has been dropped on Derek about him being Jack's father and denial is about to happen.**

**Next chapter is the time frame from Meredith's marriage to Craig to finding out she is pregnant with Jack. **

**So hopefully in a few days I'll have that up for you all.**

**Reviews would be great as well, it really does get me motivated to write great pieces for you all to read.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Lakeview, Washington, 13__th__ of January, 2010_

"Meredith you look beautiful." Lexie gasps. "A princess."

Meredith admires herself in the mirror and runs her hands down her sides to smoothen out her white gown. Her white poufy wedding gown. She wasn't a poufy wedding dress type of gal and of course her sister, the four Shepherd girls, Craig's sister and her future mother in law had convinced her that a poufy dress was right for this occasion because let's face it, they thought this would be the only marriage.

But why did she doubt their words?

"Oh we only have five minutes until its time." Gail Compton says clapping her hands together. "Quick some photos before we leave."

After snapping numerous photographs a knock comes to the door. "Mer, they're about to start in five." Carolyn says from the doorway with Savannah on her hip.

"Ladies, do you think you could give me a few moments with Savannah?"

"Of course." Lexie says catching the hint. "We need to retouch our make-up. Let's go."

The women leave the room and Carolyn brings Savannah in.

"Look there's your momma." Carolyn says pointing towards Meredith who stood looking at herself in the mirror. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"Come here baby girl." Meredith says kneeling down to the ground and holding her arms out for Savannah.

"Momma, you're pretty."

"Thank you sweet pea." She says nuzzling her nose into Savannah's neck.

"I'll give you two a moment alone." Carolyn says.

Meredith stands up with Savannah on her hip and kisses Savannah's cheek. They stand before the mirror just looking at each other. Meredith in her white poufy gown that stood up on its own and gave her a mammogram. She then looked at Savannah who was in a soft lavender dress. Lavender like on her own bedroom walls.

"Savannah, from tonight on, I'll be Mrs Meredith Compton. No longer Ms Meredith Grey. And Craig will be my husband and we'll together like a family and most likely start our own family and give you brothers and sisters. We'll be an army family and Craig will be off overseas and I'll watch the news everyday hoping that he made it one extra day without being blown up or shot and killed. You'll be going backwards and forwards across the country seeing your father and I'll be stuck at home wishing I had fulfilled my dreams of joining him on the road at 17 and then feeling guilty at not taking up his offer last year when we left him standing there in LA. He'll go on and become famous and marry someone else and I'll be stuck at home, my hair turning grey because I am stressing out over Craig and the kids."

"He'll die from shooting himself after cleaning his gun and I'll die and early death because I've had a heart attack and died leaving you kids orphaned and you'll go and live with your father and the others will be stuck with Gail who is a selfish woman and she'll try and gain your trust fund and she'll take your father to court for his money and she'll win because she's the saddened mother and she'll say that your father is an alcoholic and your dad will have to start playing small gigs in seedy LA pubs and you'll have a terrible childhood and you'll rebel and start smoking at 12 and getting into hard drugs and be arrested. You'll be a high school dropout and read to get smart on the back streets. You'll have to see therapists and you'll start hating on me for dying and you'll start a grunge band and sing about how much your life and you'll be have dick boyfriends and they'll only want you for sex and a good time and they'll dump you and you'll end up with their spawn children and will forget about you and not pay you any child support and your life will be over." She says. "I'm making a bad mistake Van."

"No you're not." She hears and looks at the reflection that is standing behind her in the mirror and she smiles.

"You made it." She says relieved and turns around.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He says and embraces Meredith and his daughter in his arms. "Come on we have a wedding to get through."

"You heard my freak out?"

"I heard all of it. Damn, I hope you don't die from an early heart attack, who am I going to get to duet with me and help me win awards?"

"I don't know. Maybe your daughter."

"That could be a possibility." He says smiling. "You look beautiful. I just didn't think poufy dresses were your thing?" He says pulling her from his arms.

"They're not." She says. "I was forced to get this dress; it would have ended in a cat fight if I didn't pick this dress." She grabs her bouquet and hands Savannah to Derek to carry.

"Well a dress is a dress. A dress is for only today. It's your life after the marriage which is more important." He says as they continue their walk from the dressing room.

"Yeah, that's what I've been told." She says. "Derek, am I making the right decision?"

"I can't be the one to tell you if it's right or wrong. You need to know right in here." He says pointing to her heart. "If it's the right one."

"I have a feeling though that maybe I should just get in my car and never come back."

"I get those feelings?"

"You do?"

"Yes, and I stay and fight them and tell them who's boss. Feelings are just feelings and they gradually go away."

"But what if I make the wrong decision?"

"Then you get divorced. Simple." He says smirking.

She looks up at him and smiles.

"There you are. People thought you did a runner." Lexie says.

"By people you mean Gail?"

"Yeah."

"I had five minutes and that was four minutes. She should just grow up." She says.

Amelia, Lexie, Kasey and her other close friend Eva stood before her. She had 7 people to choose from and if she added Nancy and Kathleen then Craig's sister, Jane would have been left out and thought it was personal. She told Nancy and Kathleen of this and they understood and said that it wasn't personal. Nancy though was heavily pregnant and Kathleen to was pregnant and refused to put on a wedding gown.

The music started to play from behind the closed doors and the girls smiled.

"I wish Mom was here to see you." Lexie says smiling.

"Me too." Meredith says as she hugs her sister.

"Girls no tears!" Amelia says. "Your make-up."

They laugh and then straighten themselves up making sure everything is in place.

"Let's do this." Kasey says.

"Okay Van, are you going to walk by yourself or with Daddy and I?"

"Self." She says as she points to herself.

Derek places her down on the ground and kisses her forehead. "Okay then big girl."

Kasey starts to walk down as the soft music plays from the string instruments.

Amelia follows, followed by Eva and then Lexie.

"You ready? I can get the car?" He whispers in her ear.

"I'm ready." She says smiling.

He felt his heart crush inside and he had to fight back the jealously that was starting to build.

"Ready go on Vannah, right to the front." Meredith says coaxing Savannah forward.

Savannah looks around the corner and then looks back at her mother and father and smiles at them and then takes her first steps out.

Meredith could feel the nerves overcoming her body. A mixed bag of feelings was sitting in the pit of her stomach and she mentally told herself she could do it.

"Ready?" He asks her.

"Yeah."

Linking his arm through hers they walk down the aisle together. They watched as Savannah made her way towards Lexie and everyone coo over Savannah.

Then it was her turn and everyone turned on their feet and looked at the bride standing there with her best friend beside her to give her away.

Smiles covered people's faces and tears fell from some of their eyes.

"You're doing great." He whispers.

Meredith looked at Craig standing there with his formal Army uniform on she could see the jealousy in his eyes over Derek walking her down the aisle when Derek had told them he might not be able to make it and they choose Michael to walk her down but Derek being Derek swooped in last minute to what Craig would say 'ruined the moment'.

Derek kissed her cheek. "You look beautiful." And then handed her over to Craig with both men nodding their heads at each other and Derek turning and going to sit down beside the rest of his family.

There began the moment that Meredith and Craig became husband and wife and if Meredith saw Derek she would see the tears that formed in his eyes over the hurt of losing the one he thought would forever be his.

The vows were traditional and Derek knew deep down that this wasn't Meredith.

They exchanged rings and shared their first kiss as husband and wife and head down the aisle together.

Meredith pulled him aside after their photographs and thanked him for being there and getting her down the aisle.

"So you're sure about this?" He asks her as Savannah comes running towards them.

She just looks at him and picks Savannah up into her arms.

"I'm never sure about everything, remember?" She says winking and then leaving.

…

"Derek, you're up." Meredith says to him.

Derek took a swig from his beer stood at the microphone to face.

"I would just like to say a big congratulations to my best friend and her partner on their marriage and for a beautiful time together. I feel honoured to be here." He says and counts the band in to play an instrumental. "This song is called 'Wish You Well'."

'_Up so early feels so bright  
I didn't get much sleep last night  
Freight train rattled through my head  
Whistle blowin' love is dead, is dead_

_Heart attack by fear and doubt  
Won't be long till the truth comes out  
First impressions never last  
Lovers bonds they hold so fast_

_Restless future burning bright  
Past is holding on so tight  
Never heard the warning bell  
And I just wanna wish you well  
I just wanna wish you well_

_Welcome swallows dip and swing  
Take the cue from the slightest thing  
Rolling fog into my room  
Why did you give up on me so soon, so soon_

_Restless future burning bright  
Past is holding on so tight  
Never heard the warning bell  
And I just wanna wish you well  
I just wanna wish you well  
I just wanna wish you well  
I just wanna wish you well_

_Why did you give up on me so soon  
'Did you give up on me so soon_

_I just wanna wish you well  
I just wanna wish you well'_

Derek finishes the song and avoids Meredith's eyes knowing all too well that she was secretly cursing him for singing this song. She knew all about this song and why Derek wrote it and now he was singing it in front of her family, friends and husband.

He looks towards her and she mouths three words to him before walking out of the room.

_Go to Hell!_

…

_Seattle, Washington, 13th of July, 2010._

"I'm not pregnant." She says climbing into bed beside him.

"It just means we haven't hit it yet." He says placing his leg high on her thigh.

"It's been 7 months of trying Craig. It obviously means something is wrong."

"Well obviously it's me; you've already had a child."

"But that doesn't mean that problems have arisen since I've had her. Remember how I told you about that miscarriage I had at 17? Savannah could have just been a fluke."

"Or your fertile boyfriend." He murmurs.

"What?"

"Where going to see the doctor tomorrow, we should find out what is wrong. Sometimes it does take couples a while to conceive."

"But we've tried for 7 full months now. I just don't understand, Savannah…"

"Was the result of an accident, alcohol and no contraception." He says. "I know, you've told me before."

"I'm sorry. It's just that we have just over five weeks until you deploy and I want to make sure we have a start on our family before you leave."

"We'll get a baby Mer." He says running his hand higher up her thigh. "But for now. How about a little…"

"Doctors' orders, no sexual intercourse, no touching and no sexual acts for 24 hours."

"Come on." He says. "It won't affect our results."

"Yes it will." She says. "I want to have sex with you but not until after we see the fertility specialist."

He just groans and Meredith kisses his cheek before climbing underneath the blankets.

"Craig, Meredith, Hi I'm Doctor Fisher. I just want to get to know the two of you and about your history and things like that before we start the official tests." She says. "Meredith we'll start with. Just start with details involving menstrual cycles, contraception use and such." She says. "Do you have a history of pregnancy, miscarriage or live births?"

"I had a miscarriage at 17 years. I was 7 weeks along."

"Any pregnancies since?"

"Yes. In 2008 I gave birth to my daughter with another man, that man was the one who was the father of the foetus that I miscarried."

"Was it a healthy pregnancy?"

"Yes. Full term."

"What type of contraception have you used?"

"The pill. I had been on that from 18 through to 20 years and since then didn't worry about getting a new prescription since I didn't have a partner and had my daughter. Since then just the condom."

"What is your sexual history?"

"I've only had two sexual partners. Craig and the man who father Savannah. I've always been a regular in partaking in sex."

"Your last pap smear?"

"August last year."

"Have you had fibroids, STDs or any vaginal infections?"

"No."

"Do you have a history of menstrual cycle irregularities?"

"Regular since I started menstruating. Always on time, never a day late."

"Do you have PMS?"

"No."

"Do you have sisters?"

"Yes, one."

"What is their reproductive history?"

"She has had two healthy pregnancies and is about to have her third baby in a couple of weeks. Three healthy babies."

"How old was your mother at menopause?"

"My mother died in 2007. She hadn't reached menopause yet."

"Okay." She says. "Any health conditions since birth?"

"No."

"How about your lifestyle habits?"

"I exercise regularly, taking Savannah for walks. I'm barely stressed but mothers get stressed with their kids. I have cut back on caffeine since my pregnancy with Van, I have the occasional glass of wine, I don't smoke or never have nor taken drugs."

"What about your diet habits?"

"I would say we have a healthy diet, we try to eat a well-balanced diet. Plenty of protein, especially for Craig since his in the army. I do have the guilty pleasure of cheese pizza and chocolate."

"Any medications? Over the counter or shop bought?"

"Only vitamins."

"What type of vitamins?"

"Iron and a multivitamin."

"And your ethnic background?"

"White American."

"Great. Craig, what is your sexual history?"

"I've had 7 partners."

"Have you fathered any children?"

"No."

"Any infections, surgeries or hernias?"

"No infections, I've only had my appendix taken out and no hernias."

"Any health conditions?"

"Asthma, which doesn't spur up much anymore. It got real bad when I was 18 though."

"Your lifestyle habits?"

"Exercise is full on. Army exercises as well. My stress levels are low. I'm not a caffeine drinker and I have the occasional drink."

"What about cigarettes, have you been a smoker?"

"Yes. Tobacco and cannabis pretty heavily from 14 through to 18."

"Okay, your nutrition?"

"A lot of carbs, protein and fats."

"Any medications?"

"No."

"And your ethnic background?"

"White American."

"Do you guys have any questions?"

"Um, no." Meredith says.

"Can my pot smoking have done this to my fertility?"

"We can't know for sure Craig." She says.

"I can see it in your eyes. It's me who has been the problem."

"Craig we'll run some tests and find out okay?"

"Okay."

"Craig we'll get a sperm sample from you and do some blood work. Meredith you unfortunately have a lot of vaginal tests and blood tests. So Craig feel sorry for your wife, you only have to do it in a cup." She says trying to lighten the mood.

"_Meredith, it's Doctor Fisher, we have you results in, would you be able to pop into the office so we can give you the details?" She says to Meredith 5 days later. "I'd like to discuss it with you and Craig in person then over the phone."_

"Thanks for coming in so soon." She says as she leads them into her office. She shuts the door behind herself and goes and takes a seat behind her desk and grabs their charts.

"So?" She asks.

"Medically Meredith, we couldn't find any abnormalities with you, which is great." She says as a silence deafens the room. "Craig, I wish there was another way we could put this."

"It's me, isn't it?"

"Unfortunately yes. Your sperm count came back low which isn't great when you are trying for a child. Unfortunately, the two of you will not be able to conceive a child together naturally. I'm so sorry guys." She says.

Meredith looked over at Craig who was silent and looked shattered.

"No, it's fine. It happens I suppose." Meredith says.

"I just wish I had better news to tell the two of you." She says. "The good news is that there are other options. Sperm donation, we can give IVF a try and even adoption. You guys can still build your family."

Craig still doesn't say anything.

"Thank you so much. We'll think about and let you know." Meredith says standing up. "Come on Craig, we're meeting Savannah at the park. Dr Fisher thank you for your time. We'll be in contact, hopefully."

"No worries guys. I'll be here."

They leave the office in a deadly silence.

"Meredith, I don't want to tell anyone about this. Can this be our secret?"

Meredith knew what he meant. It meant that he couldn't properly perform the task the man was supposed to do in getting his wife pregnant.

"Of course. Do you want to look into the other options?"

"Meredith, we have Savannah, let's be grateful for that." He says yanking at her arm.

…

_Lakeview, Washington, 8th of September, 2010_

He stood before her in his uniform. The day had come and he was being deployed. After 2 weeks of postponing he was finally going to serve our country for his second posting. Savannah was clad on her hip and rested her head on her mother's shoulder. His bags sat by the door and the convoy were out the front waiting.

A horn beeped from outside the house and Craig looked behind him and then turned back to his wife and step-daughter.

"I have to go." He says.

Meredith just nodded her head not realising how hard this was. Her husband was going off to a war where he is risking his life every day.

She stepped forward and he held his arms out for Savannah.

"Come here missy moo." He says lifting her into his arms and snuggling her close and inhaling the smell of her hair. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Be safe." She says.

"I will be and I'll be home as soon as I can. Just don't grow, okay?"

"Okay." She says.

"Give me a big kiss." He says.

She kisses him goodbye and he hugs her once more before moving her to his hip.

Meredith steps forward and he embraces her. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Don't cry." He says. "I wanted to leave on a happy note."

"Nothing about this is a happy affair. You're going to a war torn country with weapons and people dying every day. That isn't an affair to be happy about."

He doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Okay, think about your favourite moment between the two of us." He says and she starts thinking to the first time they kissed. "Now keep that in your mind and every time you are saddened by the thought of me being over in Afghanistan then think of that moment and you'll feel better."

"But what if you don't come home alive?"

"I've made it home alive before." He says.

"Craig." She says.

"Then I'll be deemed a hero and a fighter." He says. "Just don't think about it, alright?"

"Okay." She says as she inhales his scent.

The horn is sounded again and he pulls her tighter for one more moment.

"I love you so much Mer."

"I love you too." She says.

"I have to go."

"I know." She says.

"Bye." He says as he coaxes her away from him and hands her Savannah.

"It's goodbye for now but not forever." She says.

He nods his head and then turns and places his hat on his head and picks up his bags placing them over his shoulder.

He turned on his heel and walked to the front steps and Meredith and Savannah followed him outside and watched him walk down the steps to the car waiting out the front. He threw his bag into the back and saluted the General who was standing at the door of the car and then turned and saluted Meredith and Savannah. He began to climb into the car and waved goodbye to him and they walked down the front yard to watch the car disappear and for it to be the last time they ever see Craig or be held by him.

"Come on sweetie let's pack our things so we can go and see Daddy."

…

_Four Seasons Hotel, Seattle, Washington, 12__th__ of September 2010_

Getting back to the hotel room late that night, all he was interested in was a shower and some sleep as he had to be up early to get a flight back to LA in the morning for more promotion and meetings. He unlocked his room and walked into the dark room. He felt an uneasy presence coming from the room and he braced himself for the unexpected fist or object being broken over his head. He found two new suitcases in the room and he walked towards his bedroom and switched the light on.

There he found two figures curled up on his bed and he felt relieved and surprised. He kicked his shoes off and switched the light off before coming to the side Meredith was curled up on and he climbed in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder and she stirred.

"This is a nice surprise." He whispers.

"Well it's been ten weeks, Craig was deployed a few days ago and we need to get away from the food people were making us and the sad eyes. We thought that daddy could give us a good time in LA."

"That I can."

The next 7 days were some of the best days they had had in quite a while. The morning after arriving in Seattle, Derek flew them to LA in a private jet and took them back to his apartment where they laid Savannah down in her bed for a nap and they laid down together on the lounge room floor and made sweet love.

The next 6 days would require Derek taking Meredith to the recording studio and the two of them recording and collaborated together as a treat and something to take Meredith's mind off the fact that her husband had arrived in a war torn country.

They even took walks along the streets of LA and spent time together as a family with Savannah and treated her to playing at the beach at the park and seeing her Aunt Amy and spending time with her.

Derek also comforted Meredith of a night time in the bedroom but they would spend time on the balcony in his apartment overlooking the water and would drink wine and reminisce memories of growing up.

After her wedding Meredith was angry with Derek for the choice in song but after a while she realised that no one else picked up on the theme of the song and after a long phone call of him apologising and her forgiving they laughed off the incident and reminded each other of more embarrassing moments.

The last day of their trip to LA she couldn't tell him how much she was thankful for this time. He gathered her gear and they were taken to the airport and flew together to Seattle. He helped her pack her bags into the car and strap Savannah in. He said a farewell to Savannah and then handed Meredith a surprise gift. The CD they had recorded in the week, a long lingering kiss and a promise to be back to Lakeview soon to visit or to even fly her to LA for another week long of comforting.

The drive home she played the CD on repeat and continued to listen to it before she went to bed of a night time as a lullaby.

5 weeks later she sat in front of Dr Frankston with news that would change her plans and the way she went on.

"You about 5 weeks pregnant Meredith." He says. "I say congratulations are in order for you and Craig."

"Yeah, Craig." She says swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat knowing that she hadn't slept with Craig for 4 months nearly and the chances of fallen pregnant were one in a million.

But it wasn't Craig's baby at all.

It was Derek's child. Together they were welcoming a second baby but she became an adulterous whore with a secret that could destroy her family.

She didn't know how to comprehend this news and how she would go about it.

**I thought a break up and a little background history would slide well now. **

**Hopefully you enjoyed that update and I hope to share some more with you soon.**

**Reviews would be great.**


	6. Chapter 6

"_Jack is your biological son Derek."_

Derek leant up against the men's room door. Was what he heard true or was he dreaming it?

Was this whole thing true? Did Meredith being shot real? Was Aria really early? And was Jack really his?

He collapses his hands onto the edge of the sink and gripped for dear life. His legs had gone to jelly and he was struggling to hold his body up on his dead legs. He looked at himself in the mirror and caught sight of the man that he could hardly recognise since arriving in Lakeview.

What had happened to Derek Shepherd? He wondered as he stared at the reflection.

This had to be a dream.

His legs gave way and he fell to the tiled floor and broke down there. Everything was becoming too much for him and he would have exploded from trying to bottle all his feelings inside.

He cradled his head in his hands and let the tears fall down his face and into his hands.

…

"Meredith." Michael says walking into her room. "You look great dear."

She softly smiles at him before frowning.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner." He says as he kisses her cheek and ruffles Jack's hair.

"It's fine." She says.

"How are you?" He asks her.

"Fine." She says.

"I've heard you say that word too many times in 27 years that I know something is bothering you. How are you really?"

"Not too well." She says. "I can't feel my body healing like it should and I feel worse each passing minute. The doctors ran tests on me and they said that the infection is in my body now and they are telling me that I don't have long."

"Oh dear." He says. "Hey, you can fight it. You are the strongest person I know. From everything you do you have this strength that I am so incredibly proud of. You can fight this."

"I don't have the strength to, though." She says.

"Yes you do. You can do this. I know you can." He says and pulls her into his arms and kisses her head. "You my dear can do this."

She fights back the tears in her eyes and accepts the embrace.

"Where's Derek?" He asks.

"I don't know."

"You're telling me you don't know where he is? You too are inseparable."

"We were." She says.

"What's going on?"

"I told Derek something. Something real big and he ran out of the room in shock. I mean I don't blame him because it's huge. And if I tell you then I expect you to run from the room as well and never come back because this thing changes everything and it's hard to..."

"Meredith, breathe." Michael says. "I won't run. I promise. Tell me what's bothering you."

She takes a deep breath and looks down at Jack and squeezes her eyes together. "It's about Jack's paternity."

"What about it?"

"The week that Craig and I visited Seattle before he deployed, we went and visited the fertility specialist and she told us some upsetting news about Craig. Craig wouldn't be able to conceive a baby naturally with me and he took it to heart and we never spoke of it again. Then after he deployed I went to Seattle with Savannah and I told everyone that we went to spend some time together and ride the ferry boats but really we ended up in LA with Derek and Derek and I got back to our old ways and spent the week comforting each other and Savannah and I come back here and 5 weeks later I am sitting in front of Dr Frankston…"

"Oh my, Derek is Jack's father." He says finishing her sentence off.

"Yeah and I kept it a secret from him and I know that this changes everything because the truth is out." She says. "I'm a terrible person."

"You are not a terrible person." He says tightening his embrace around her. "You were scared."

They embrace for a long while before Michael speaks again. "I don't know how I didn't realise. I mean Jack looks so much like Savannah. His eyes scream Derek. I don't know how…"

"No one realised. They just seemed to overlook it because they didn't know the truth."

"Well one thing. This doesn't change anything for me because we cared for Jack as our own anyway and he would always be our grandson even if he wasn't our biological one. And it doesn't change anything for Derek because he always cared for him as his own. Don't let it bother you about Derek because he was told some big news and this big news just needs time to be processed." He says. "Don't worry dear." He says kissing her forehead.

Jack stirs beside Meredith and opens his eyes and looks around the room and looks at his mother and Pop.

"Hey Jack." Meredith says softly.

"Hey big boy." Michael says to him.

"Poppy, you home."

"I am." He says smiling.

Jack gets up and makes his way over to his Pop for a hug.

"God, I think you grew in the last week." He says.

"I'm big boy Poppy." He says smiling.

"You really are."

"Can I go and see Nanna?" He asks. "I'm hungry."

"Of course. I'll take you out to her and I'll come back and speak to your mother." He says lifting Jack from the bed. "Say bye to Momma."

"Bye Momma." He says blowing her a kiss.

"I'll see you soon Jack." She says blowing him a kiss back.

…

"Oh sorry, I didn't see you." A male says entering the men's room and seeing Derek on the floor crying.

"No it's alright." He says wiping the tears away from his face and standing up.

"Derek Shepherd right?" The man says. "I'm Howard."

"Yeah." Derek says softly. "Nice to meet you."

"Wow never in a million years would I think I would run into him in a men's room at Moses Lake."

"Well never in a million years would I think that I would be crying in a men's room at all."

Both men laugh for a few short moments before stopping.

"I heard about your wife." He says. "I'm so sorry."

"She's still alive which is great. I just don't know…"

"Yeah I understand." He says. "Why aren't you with her then?"

"Because I just found out something and I ran."

"That huge?"

"Yeah."

"I know that I am only just a stranger in a hospital bathroom but maybe I can help. My wife tells me that I am a great listener and advice giver."

"You're not secretly part of the paparazzi or media are you?" He says.

"No I am just a realtor." He says handing over his business card.

"So if I tell you this huge secret and then see this as a tabloid tomorrow morning I will know where to find you?"

"Well I'll be spending time here. A lot of time. My wife to was in the shooting and she was shot in the head but fortunately survived but is in a coma at this present time. She was having coffee with her father, Dr Frankston."

"Dr Frankston, he's a great bloke. I've been going to him since I can remember. He delivered me actually and Meredith and my siblings and a most of my nieces and nephews. It's been a huge family affair actually."

"Neil is great man and I know that he tried to reason with the gunman." He says.

"And I'm so sorry he got shot for doing so." Derek says.

"Hey, nobody can be sorry for this. It was nobody's fault. It was just a matter of being there at the wrong time."

"Yeah I guess it was." He says fiddling with his sleeves. "Okay, I'm going to tell you this thing and I hope that you can keep it a secret." He says.

"Of course I can." He says.

"Alright. I just found out about a son that I knew existed but I thought existed to another father. I've been told that this boy that I've looked to as a son is my real son because his supposed father was infertile and my wife kept it a secret from me for over two years."

Howard just looks at Derek with a blank look.

"And you must think I'm an idiot because he looks so much like my daughter and nothing like this other man and your calling me a cheater because I slept with a married woman while her husband had been deployed in the Army and I comforted her the best I knew." He says. "Shit, what have I gotten myself into?"

"You haven't gotten yourself into anything. Before you even knew he was your son you still treated him as your son. You are biologically his son and you have rights over him and choices on health, education and where he lives. You won't be in a messy triangle of legal issues because he is your son. You were still to raise him as your own and now this just makes it even better because this boy is really yours and it should be a good thing because of calling him your stepson he is your son and you have another child with your wife and a happy family. Be happy and don't turn your back and let everything fall apart because you can't handle the truth." He says. "Go and be with your family and love them because I believe your family just got a whole lot better."

Derek lets the words sink in and finds himself smiling. "You are right. No matter what he is mine. I know that I should have realised but he is mine and I am ecstatic because this boy makes my world. His mother makes my world and his sisters make my world. I'm oblivious to the truth and I'm kicking myself for not making things better sooner but at the end of the day he is my son."

"He is. Go and be with him and tell him how much you love him."

"Thank you Howard." He says. "I'll be sure to stop by and see you and Neil." Derek shakes hands with the man and nods his head and leaves the bathroom in a hurry crashing into Kasey.

"Where are you off to so soon?"

"To tell my son how much I love him." He says.

…

"Carolyn has taken him and Vannah down to the cafeteria with Lexie." Michael says closing the door behind him.

"Did you see Derek?" She asks.

"No but I'm sure he is still here. He could be seeing Aria maybe getting some clarity."

"Or his done a runner back to LA to never see me again."

"You really think he would do that? Whenever I spoke to him on the phone when he left Lakeview he would be mopey because you weren't there with him. He would mope because his best friend was thousands of miles away and he didn't have you. You two have been bound together like glue for 27 years even after you were born Derek wouldn't leave your side and we thought he had colic but it was sadness because he couldn't be with you. It was quite cute and dramatic."

"I didn't think it was that bad?"

"Yeah it was. You were exactly the same and your parents thought it was colic but we put two and two together and realised that it was withdrawal symptoms from being apart."

"What did you do?"

"Well every night I would drop off clothing or a blanket that Derek had been using all day to your parents. If it was a blanket then they would wrap you in it and put you down to bed and you sleep soundly. If it was clothing they would have you near it. Just like being wrapped in your mothers t-shirt. We also invested in four way baby monitors. We would have three monitors in Derek's room. One for us, one for you and one for him so he could hear you cry or babble. It was the same for you and your family."

"And it worked?"

"It surely did. Never did we endure hours of crying again."

"That's crazy." She says laughing. "I apologise."

"Hey, we were going to start sleeping you two in the same room if the monitor and blanket idea didn't work."

Meredith just smiles at him.

"I did though have something that I wanted to show you." Michael says reaching into his wallet for a picture and handing it over to Meredith.

Meredith looks at the photo of a small girl with dark hair. "What is this?"

"That is Kristin. She's now 27, lives in Moses Lake. She was living in Seattle for 25 years but she moved here for work and to be closer to her family."

"How do you know her?" Meredith asks.

"I'm telling you something I've never told anyone. Not even Carolyn." He says clearing his throat. "Kristin is my daughter."

…

_The Shepherd House, 9__th__ of April 1986, Lakeview, Washington_

_Carolyn slowly took the stairs to tuck in Kathleen, Nancy and Kasey as they slept soundly and check on Amelia who was curled up in the cot still sound asleep against the howling wind outside. The cot she should have been out of by now since the new baby was soon to arrive but Michael hadn't been home to help her construct the toddler bed and transition the move into her new bed so the baby could have the bed but Michael was back and forth for work in Seattle and got stuck in the bad storms with the road to Lakeview flooded. _

_She was exactly 9 months pregnant; caring for her four girls and her husband was missing. She didn't know where exactly he was considering his landline was down and he hadn't called her in three days. She could be incredibly mad with him but she was staying calm in this crisis._

_She left Amelia to sleep and went into the bathroom drawing a bath for herself to relax after the hectic day of running carpool and caring for two toddlers and then running carpool again and cooking dinner for her four kids and Ellis's two. Then getting her kids bathed and into bed. _

_She was tired and had wished she took Mrs Meyers offer up on caring for Lexie and Amelia as well but she loved the kids and the company even if it meant two almost two year olds. _

_She sank into the hot water and relaxed her head and her whole body soon followed into a relaxed state. She closed her eyes and let her imagination take her away to her place. _

_But her brain soon became swamped with all this crazy scenarios and she had lost her relaxed state of mind. She was frustrated that she couldn't relax and decided to get out from the bath and make herself a cup of tea and go to bed._

_She went to the kitchen and boiled the kettle and noticed the answering machine was flashing red. She hit the machine and listened to the beep._

'_You have one new message.'_

"_Carrie, it's me. I'm so sorry I haven't been in contact an idiot cut the phone lines and as well as that, the strong wind has caused more damage to phone lines and the power. They're predicting for the storms to pass by Friday and hoping to open the closed roads by tomorrow. I'm hoping to be home by the weekend and to build Amelia's bed and see you have our baby. I wish I actually got to speak to you. Anyway I've gotta get going. I love you so much. Send the kids my love and tell the bubba that I'll be home soon and to hold on. Sending my love. Bye." Michael says into the phone before the machine cuts him off._

'_No new messages.'_

_She hits the machine off and turns the kettle off and heads upstairs to her room and lies down beneath the sheets and listens to the tree scratch the bedroom window as the wind howled. She listened to the footprints of the family dog Benji walk his way into the bedroom and felt him nudge at her arm._

_She patted his head and patted the bed for him to climb up and keep her company._

_Michael hated him up on the furniture but he wasn't here to complain. Though she was the pregnant one and she believed that she got to be the one to complain. _

_Benji sprawled himself at the foot of the bed and she watched the numbers of the clock tick over and the exhaustion take over her body. _

_When she woke the next morning she found all four girls in bed with her and Benji still sprawled at the bottom of the bed. The four girls had fitted themselves into the spare spaces of the bed and didn't mind having a foot pressed beside their face or an arm digging into their back. They were happy and content at their positions and the light snores signalled the comfort._

_She then felt a slight pain in her back what she thought was back pain until she felt the warm, wetness of her gown and the sheets. She lifted the sheets and was relived at seeing the clear liquid soaking the bedding and her clothing and realised she was in labour. She checked the clock and realised that she had an hour to get the girls up and ready. _

_She went and changed her gown and rang Ellis informing her that she was in labour and that she didn't want to worry the kids and send them off to school and to Mrs Meyers without worry. She told her she would be over in 15 minutes to help her and would get Thatcher to drive the kids._

_And as Ellis promised she was at the door with 4 brown lunch bags and had went upstairs making sure the kids were getting dressed for school and had them seated eating breakfast and she had their bags packed sitting by the door. She occupied them while Carolyn showered and busied herself and called Dr Frankston informing him that she would be at the birthing clinic in 30 minutes. He told her to keep calm and that he would get everything ready for her._

_She kissed the kids goodbye as they went with Thatcher and Ellis then drove her to the clinic were Dr Frankston greeted them at the door with a wheelchair and a huge grin._

"_40 weeks and 1 day. Your children like being on time don't they Carrie?" He says grinning._

"_Tell me about it." She says rolling her eyes as she seats herself into the chair and is pushed inside. "This one could have been two weeks early and had their father here and not send me here with Braxton hicks for 4 weeks."_

"_Michael isn't back?" He asks._

"_Nope, stuck in Seattle, still."_

"_But it doesn't matter because she has the perfect birthing partner right here." Ellis says._

"_And how is little miss going?" The doctor asks as he helps Carolyn out of the chair and onto the bed of the birthing suit._

"_Little Miss is good." Ellis says rubbing her stomach. "I'm ready for her."_

"_I bet you are." He says as he examines Carolyn and as the nurse hooks her up to the foetal monitor. "Well Carolyn you are 8 centimetres and your waters has broken which is good. Just rest up and in a couple hours you'll be holding you baby." He says._

"_Thanks Neil." She says as he leaves the room and she makes herself comfortable._

"_Oh my, he's perfect." Ellis says gushing over the newborn boy that was nestled against his mother's chest. "He is perfection." She says touching the top of his head. _

"_I know." Carolyn says letting tears fall down her face. _

"_You finally have a boy." _

"_I finally do." She says and places a kiss on the top of his head and inhaled his sweet baby scent._

_Carolyn had just delivered 40 minutes ago and the boy was perfect with blue eyes and a mane of thick, dark hair on his head. She was so caught up with the new baby in her arms that she totally forgot about Michael and the girls._

"_Oh crap." She says._

"_What?"_

"_Michael."_

"_Don't worry, I'll call him." Ellis says. "I'll be back soon."_

_Ellis leaves the room to use the phone down the hall and dials the number that Michael had left for Carolyn to call in an emergency. She dialled the number and a woman answered._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hi, I was looking for Michael Shepherd." Ellis says. "I'm a family friend." _

"_Michael just left for the hospital." The woman says. _

"_The hospital? Is he hurt or injured?"_

"_No, his not." She says._

"_Well do you know when he will be back because his wife just gave birth?"_

"_Betsy did? Oh that's marvellous."_

"_No not Betsy, Carolyn. Carolyn his wife."_

"_Michael isn't married."_

"_Yeah he is. His been married for 10 years and him and his wife just welcomed his 5__th__ baby. He didn't make it because he was stuck in Seattle with the storms."_

"_Well Michael never said anything about a wife and kids. He is currently in the hospital with his partner Betsy, she's in labour with their first child. Michael I know lives in Lakeview and travels between the two towns for work. Betsy and he have known each other for 2 years."_

"_Michael lives in Lakeview with his family, Carolyn, Kathleen, Nancy, Kasey, Amelia and now their son. He travels to Seattle for work and that's it." Ellis says._

_The woman on the other end goes silent._

"_Well could I have the number for the hospital he is at? I need to know if we are talking about the same man." She says. _

"_Of course dear. I'm so sorry for this."_

"_It's not your fault. It's someone else's fault."_

_The woman gives Ellis the number and they leave each other to be. _

_She dials the number of the hospital and gets directed to the maternity floor._

"_Hi I was wondering if a woman named Betsy Sheehan was currently admitted."_

"_I'm sorry, that information is confidential."_

"_I don't want her, I need to get into contact with a man she may be with, and it's an emergency. Michael Shepherd his name is."_

"_I'll see if I can find him." The nurse says._

_Ellis waits for a moment and the phone is connected through to a patient's room. _

"_Hello?" A male voice says._

"_Michael?"_

"_Ellis?" He says. "Why are you calling?"_

"_Why are you having a baby with another woman?"_

"_Who told you?"_

"_The woman who answered the phone at your contact number. She said you weren't married and you were welcoming your first baby when really Carolyn just delivered your fifth baby."_

"_She did? What'd she have?"_

"_Michael tell me the truth, are you with another woman?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Unbelievable." She says. _

"_Ellis, this isn't a good time to talk about it. How about I call you tonight and I will tell you everything because it's a complicated story."_

"_What's complicated is you going and sleeping with another woman when you are happily in love with Carolyn. Your shameful and I can't believe you would do this to her. I have to tell her."_

"_No please don't. I will when I get home."_

"_Michael, what you've done is stupid. I would expect Thatcher to go off and do something like that to me not you do that to my best friend. She doesn't deserve this because she is a wonderful lady who has picked up the slack in your house while you've played house with another woman. You seriously need to think about this situation because as I see it you either play happy families between both woman or you leave one and that one should be your bimbo in Seattle. She may be a fling but flings destroy marriages and I don't see you happy in love with this bimbo like I see you happy in love with Carrie. Carrie, your high school sweetheart. You better be home in the next 2 days or I will tell her the truth." She says before disconnecting the phone. _

_She composes herself and then enters Carolyn's room._

"_Did you get onto him?"_

"_No, the number he left is disconnected."_

"_Oh, that's a shame." She says and then looks back down at the baby in her arms. "I think I'm going to name him Derek. Derek Christopher Shepherd."_

"_It's a lovely name Carrie." Ellis says. "Michael will love it."_

…

Michael had left Meredith to be alone after he dropped the huge bombshell on her and the reasons why he kept it a secret. He told her it was best she told Derek now while Jack was still young then keep a secret for nearly 30 years.

Meredith was dumbfounded and in disbelief and Michael knew she needed time.

"Mer?" Derek says entering the room.

"Derek, I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry. You alright?"

"Yeah, I just. Yeah I'm good." She says smiling after realising that he was here. "You came back."

"Of course I did. Nothing can make me run a million miles away. You hear me? Nothing." He says grasping her hands.

She smiles even more and he leans down and embraces her. "I should have told you sooner."

"No, you shouldn't have. I should have realised. I should have known. You were scared though and I understand that. You shouldn't let fear though get in the way of us and our family." He says kissing her forehead. "But nothing can change our family though. What we have now, I believe is a beautiful family and we should be proud of our family because we couldn't ask for anything else."

"I don't think we can either." She says as he embraces her harder.

Derek's phone begins to ring.

"You should probably get that." She says. "It could be your manager or the band. You haven't spoken to them since you left Sunday night. You should go." She says.

"Okay. Just know that I love you and that I don't hate you for what you did and that I will be back and not leaving you so soon." He says as he answers his phone and leaves her alone.

She sinks her head into the pillow and closes her eyes slightly smiling.

She hears the door slide open again and hears Jack run towards her.

"Momma." He says.

"Hey. Hang on, I'll help you up." She says as she pushes the blankets away from body and swings her legs to the side of the bed and slowly stands up feeling the pain shoot through her muscles and body. She lets go of the bed and sees as the room spins around and the spinning get worse as she leans down to pick up Jack but before she even gets her hands onto Jack's body her legs go from beneath her and she falls to the ground, hitting her head on the plastic chair that sat beside her bed, turning her world black and falling beside her two year old son.

Jack looked down at his mother and listened to the machines beep in her room and slowly time went as the doctors and nurses rushed into her room and assessed the damage of his mother. He then listens as they shout at each other and to get the boy out of the room and he feels himself being carried away from the room as they begin to work on his mother and he feels himself screaming and tears running down his face.

"Momma!"

**Thoughts would be great. I'll aim for an update hopefully by the weekend.**


	7. Chapter 7

"Mr Shepherd." A Doctor says approaching him in the waiting room just over three hours after Meredith's fall and takes a seat down beside Derek.

"How is she?" He asks trying not to disturb Savannah who was attached to Derek with her arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped around his waist while she slept.

"We took her for scans and tests. The trauma of the fall has done some unfortunate damage. Meredith has suffered cerebral contusion. It's a traumatic form of injury and it basically is bruising of the brain tissue. It usually occurs when the brain strikes a ridge on the skull or a fold in the Dura mater, which is the brains tough outer covering. It's just like a bruise on your body. With your wife, she fell causing trauma to the brain and with that she lost consciousness. We ruled it out with a CT and we are going to keep a close eye on her. The tricky thing with contusions is that is if pressure on the brain increased significantly or if a blood clot forms a craniotomy will need to be performed to open a section of the skull may be required to remove the contusion."

"So you're saying that she may need surgery to remove the contusion?"

"Yes. We need to keep an eye on it. We really hoped that it was a small contusion but we are keeping a close eye on it. Meredith's caused some damage and she will spend some time unconscious and we hope she'll be awake soon. The problem is with severe contusions it can lead to further problems like swelling of the brain which can lead to more brain problems."

"Like what?"

"Stroke, coma or…"

"Death."

"Yes but we hope by morning she's awake and we hope this bleed heals itself." He says. "We'll constantly be checking her and taking her for scans. If you want, you should go home and rest. You've been here for a while and home might be best for you and your daughter. You can come back in the morning, first thing."

"Can I go and see her?" Derek asks.

"Of course." He says. "I'll lead you down to her room."

Derek carried Savannah down to Meredith's room. The rest of his family was at home, thinking it'd be best to take Jack home and get him to bed. Derek felt terrible that Jack was carried from the room as the doctors rushed to help Meredith. Derek tried to soothe his son but he didn't know how to and he felt like complete crap for not knowing how to do so.

"Daddy?" Savannah asks from his shoulder.

"We're just going to say goodnight to Mommy and Aria and then I'll take you home to bed."

"To Nana's or Momma's?"

"Where would you like to go?"

"Momma's." She says.

"Alright then. I can arrange that." He says kissing her head. "We'll be home soon."

They enter Meredith's room and see more wires and tubes connected to her body. He's breath caught in his throat and he planted himself to a spot on the floor taking in the heart wrenching scene of his wife looking weaker then walking into her room on Monday morning after the accident and crash cesarean they performed.

He hugged Savannah a little tighter and then moved forwards towards her bedside. He lowers Savannah down to Meredith's side and she stares at her mother.

"Is she alright Daddy?"

"She will be. Your mother is a fighter." He says squeezing Savannah's hand. "She's the strongest person I know. She has this strength and that strength will help her recover and she'll be at the piano in no time."

He places a kiss on Meredith's lips and runs his hand down her cheek.

"Goodnight Mer, I'll be back first thing in the morning and you better be awake." He says.

"Night Momma." Savannah says squeezing her mother's hand. "I'll see you soon. I love you Momma."

Derek picks Savannah up and kisses Meredith once more. "Night love." He says as he turns and leaves.

He walks down the corridor to the NICU with Savannah. He felt guilty for not being with Aria as much. His family though had taken turns sitting with her and letting her know that she wasn't alone.

He nodded a hello to the nightshift nurse and headed into the NICU where he found Kasey sitting at Aria's bedside, doing paperwork.

"I didn't know the Chief could be on call?" He says.

"We're short staffed." She says closing the folder. "I heard about Mer. I'm sorry."

"She's not dead." Derek says.

"I know she's not. I'm just saying I'm sorry for what happened. It was an unlucky thing to occur." She says gathering her charts up. "Goodnight Aria."

"No, we're leaving. You stay." Derek says. "I don't want her to be alone."

"Fine then." She says. "I'll just be outside."

Derek moves towards Aria's isolate and sees that she is wide awake.

"Someone looks happy." Savannah says.

"Hey Ari." Derek says opening one of the hand holes. "How are you baby? I'm sorry for not seeing you much today."

"Can I touch her daddy?"

"Of course." He says opening the other hand hole for Savannah.

"Hi Ari." Savannah says stroking Aria's leg. "Maybe you should hold her daddy before we go home. It will make her feel calm."

"Well if you don't mind staying a little longer."

"No it's fine." She says. "I can sleep in the car."

He lowers Savannah to the ground and he takes Aria out of the isolate and settles her in his arms and begins to hum to her a soft tune and rocks her gently in his arms to make her feel safe and not alone.

…

"Your home?" Carolyn says as Derek carries the sleepy Savannah through the house.

"Yeah." He says.

"How is Mer?"

"I'll put Vannah down and I'll tell you." He says as he carries her upstairs to her room.

He gets her into bed and takes her shoes off and lays her under the covers and kisses her head and leaves her to find his mother in the kitchen.

"She has a brain contusion. A pretty severe contusion."

"Oh no Derek."

"It's alright. I'm just going to try and stay positive through this and hope that her brain doesn't herniate or that she wakes up with memory loss or her moods become erratic. I just hope for a normal recovery because she doesn't deserve this."

"I know she doesn't." Carolyn says touching his shoulder.

"It's late Ma." He says. "You should go home to bed."

"I can stay."

"It's fine." He says.

"Okay, well Jack is upstairs asleep. Call me if you need to go to the hospital. I'll be right over."

"I know Ma."

"Oh and Meredith said she left something for you. You would know where it is."

"Alright. I'll take a look." He says. "Night Ma."

"Night Derek." She says kissing him goodnight before leaving the house.

He leaves the house to bring his bags inside and leaves them downstairs. He pulls the bed from the sofa and covers the bed in sheets and goes and showers before lying down under the covers.

His body ached from the hospital chairs and his makeshift bed at Meredith and Aria's bedside. He hadn't slept well since and he was due for a goodnights sleep so he didn't end up unwell. He tried to sleep but he tossed and turned and tried to sleep but the hands on the clock moved so slowly.

He had so much on his mind, Meredith, Aria, Jack and Savannah, his tour which he had to make a decision about and the thing that Meredith left him. He wasn't sure what she left him but he had a fair idea where it was hiding.

He kicked the covers off and quietly walked upstairs to Meredith's room. A video flashback of memories replayed through his mind from 27 years. This was her childhood bedroom and she had managed to stay put in the room over the years only moving to the master bedroom when Craig was living with her but moved back when he left her.

All the secrets they shared and the laughter and the tears. He remembers the promises they made each other and their hopes and dreams. He remembers everything even her secret hiding spot which she always reminded him about in her letters.

Pictures covered the walls of her family, friends, children and him. Posters and drawings from Jack and Savannah, her treble clef that she painted on the wall when she was 10, her guitar, which was a 12th birthday gift from Derek, sat in the corner next to her CD player where her stacks of CD's were. Toys littered the floor along with clothes and sheets of paper. Books on her bookshelf and her desk cluttered with more notes. It was the way he remembered her room from the last time he was here. Just the kid's items were scattered around the place.

He then looked to her closet and remembered her secret hiding spot. She hid everything in here from her diaries to the things that were special to her. He opened the doors to the closet and then kneeled down on the ground and reached to the side wall where the hole was. Derek and her made the hole in the back wall when they were 8 years old. She always complained about having her personal things read and she wanted to secret hiding place and he gave her one.

She worried about her mother yelling at her for the hole in the wall but Derek reassured that her mother would never know. She smiled and from the day on she hid everything in there like the chest she always told Derek about. He found that same wooden chest sitting in the hole in the wall and he pulled it out. He checked the hole for anything else and found nothing but a picture.

He shut the door behind him and headed downstairs to his fold out bed and sat the chest on the bed. He looked at the photograph and saw Meredith and him together in Central Park in New York. This was three months after the two of them found out they were expecting a baby together. He had his hand resting on her stomach to protect his baby from the harmful world and Meredith tight in his embrace. The bump was noticeable despite the layering of warm clothing. He lips pressed to her cheek and she smiled as the snow fell around them. He turned the picture around and saw the caption.

_Our lives are changing. The snow is falling and our baby is growing safely in my stomach. New York, home to the memories of love and passion and conception of our growing essence. _

This night was the night he was going to propose to her. In the snow, in Central Park, in front of everybody but the night turned sour when a group of people started a crazy mob and harassed him and a huge fight broke out amongst the people and the two of them ended up in hospital, Meredith with a slight concussion and Derek with a laceration of his forehead from falling to the ground. They ruined his plans of proposing and he lost the ring he had bought her and from that moment time escaped him and she was walking down the aisle with another man.

He sat the picture aside and placed his hands on top of the chest and decided to reach into the deep end. A blue card covers the contents of the chest while an envelope is taped to inside lid.

He pulled it off and opened the letter.

_Whoever is snooping through my stuff *Cough Thomas Cough Lexie Cough* can you please shut the lid and bugger off. This is my personal stuff and I don't want you knowing these things. You don't see me going through your top draws for dirty magazines and underneath the mattress for your diary and boyfriends underwear. So shut the lid and walk away._

_Much love, Meredith_

He smiled and could hear her voice reading it in his head. It was a typical Meredith thing as well telling people to bugger off but he knew all too well the times he had gone through Lexie's things with Meredith and found a lot of personal stuff that she had hidden from the eyes of her mother and all of Thomas's porn that he had been given and stashed underneath his underwear in his top draw.

He placed the letter down and then moved the blue card and finds an array of items inside the chest. Items she had managed to stow away over the passing years.

These things that she hid inside were the things so personal and special to her that she didn't want to share with the others. Small sentimental things that meant a world to Meredith.

He emptied everything out onto the bed and flicked through the pile of things. Notes, letters, pictures, home movies, movie tickets from their movie dates, her secret song lyrics she wrote, a tape recorder she recorded her songs on, posters, tickets and other small things like a beach shell she collected when they headed to California. The contract they had signed for their plans in LA. He found another small box among the items and inside was the small things she never wanted to loose. Like the guitar pick necklace Derek had given her, the promise ring he gave her, her hospital tag from when she was born and the small beads, charms and other little things that they had collected over the years.

These were the things from the first 17 years of her life from when Derek and her spent their childhood growing up together and getting into no good and initially finding out who they were as people and falling in love. These were the memos of their 17 years together. The things close to their heart.

He then remembers something from one of the letters she wrote him.

_Next time you're home, look in your closet for something I left you. I will gradually add to it until you come home and see me._

He quickly raced next door to find his father still up. He raced to his bedroom and opened the doors to his closet looking for the hidden surprise. He looked through the shoe boxes he had kept. He searched amongst the clothes and in his draws and the placed his hand on the top self and felt a chest similar to that of the one hidden in Meredith's closet. He pulled it down and a note had been attached to it.

_Found it._

He left his room and said a goodnight to his father and headed back to the house and sat it on the bed. He opened the chest and found an envelope taped to the inside lid and he pulled it off and opened it.

_Derek_

_My dear Derek. I love you so much and I regret never leaving town with you ten years ago. I will regret it until the day I die. I will regret every time I see your face in a magazine or on a CD. I always will and I'm sure guilt will kill me before anything else. I will regret not being at your side and playing in front of crowds of people. I will regret not leaving Lakeview with you to go off and find fame and fortune. I will regret never being on the road with you and bringing our kids along with us to grow up and see the world and having their passport filled by the time they are old enough to walk. I will regret never leaving Lakeview after my mother passed to come and be with you and I will regret never leaving Lakeview after Craig died to be a family with you, Savannah and little Jack. I regret a lot of things but conceiving our babies with you was always the greatest thing in my life. Three breathing children were brought into the world by us and they will forever be ours. Our son, Jack, our daughter Savannah and our unborn daughter. I love you with all my heart Derek and I always wanted to be your wife and mother of our 14 children as we travelled the world together and lived a beautiful life in a different country or town. When you read this consider me and the kids as your priorities and consider what you will do next. _

_I love you Derek and so does Jack and Vannah and this little foetus growing inside of me._

He places the letter down feeling a pang in his stomach and he then goes through everything in this chest.

He sees the things that the two of them had exchanged in those ten years. Letters, postcards, to music lyrics and music playlists, photos, gifts, souvenirs from all those places he had taken her and things to do with the kids. He then finds another letter addressed to him. It was an unsent letter.

He opens this letter and starts reading.

_Derek,_

_I have some explaining to do. I know that it was unexpected for me to show up at your hotel that night but I had to see you. _

_Let me tell you why my antics brought me to visit you. My husband Craig had been scheduled to deploy for Iraq on the 25__th__ of August and they pushed back the dates by 2 weeks to the 8__th __of September. I knew that you were in Seattle at this time and I knew that the later he was being deployed the last chances I would to catch you in Seattle._

_Craig and I had married in the January of that year and I knew that his chances of being deployed were high and he was on standby to deploy in August. The night after we married he told me he wanted to try for a baby right away so he would at least have the chances of conceiving before he went away because he wanted to have a sibling for Savannah. So for 8 long months we tried to get pregnant and we tried every time he could leave the base. In July we decided to go to Seattle on his leave to go and visit a fertility specialist to know what was going on. We stayed for 5 days and on the last day we were called back in to see the doctor and Craig was given heart wrenching news. He is infertile and his sperm count is so low he will never conceive a baby. We took the news with sadness and we decided not to tell anyone about the infertility and the doctors. We came home and lived as a married couple spending as much time together as possible and decided that Savannah was enough for us. He was then enlisted to deploy. I made a booking to come and see you in Seattle that night he left but it was postponed. So I postponed my trip until the 8__th__ and I farewelled him with his unit and then I left, travelling to Seattle with Savannah. I needed time to myself with Van and to not be surrounded by the sadness of those in town._

_I told everyone I was headed to Seattle to ride the ferry boats and visit the Space Needle. I was in luck knowing you had a gig in Seattle on that night and I so badly wanted to see you since I hadn't seen you for nearly 10 weeks. My heart ached because I missed you so much. I got a copy of your hotel key and you came back to the room, switched the light on and saw me curled up on your bed. You pulled me into your arms and held me with relief and I was so happy to be back in your arms. I told you how Craig had been deployed and I just needed a friend to cheer me up and that Savannah missed you. You then flew us to LA the next morning in your private jet. You told me you had a surprise for me and told me that I would be in for the treat of a lifetime. You took me to your apartment and I laid Savannah down for her nap and we made sweet love on the living room floor. You were reluctant but I told you that I needed this. So an occurrence would be going to bed and making love and I know that I lied to you about being on the pill. I just couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't on it because Craig and I had unsuccessfully conceived._

_I though soon forgot about infertility and husbands being at war when you took me to a recording studio and we recorded songs together and wrote together. I will never be able to tell you how much that meant to me. I will always remember being in the studio for the first time with you and never wanting to leave. You gave me a copy of those tracks at the end of our five days of adventure and fun and love and you accompanied me to Seattle on the trip home and you bid a farewell to me with a long and lingering kiss and a promise to see me as soon as possible to come and get Vannah and see your family. I came home and kept my seeing you a secret and I went back to my normal routine but listened to our CD every night and listened to your sweet, velvety voice._

_I then found out that I was pregnant and I knew right away that it was your baby. I kept it a secret from everyone about the identity for the sake of Craig and his family. I would have blurted it from the roof tops that I was carrying our baby but I would not have been good for you or your profile and I would have been deemed a slut. I went on with the pregnancy and I never told Craig or his family since they were cruising around the Pacific for 4 months and then never returning to Lakeview. I carried our child and felt every kick and movement and wished you were here. I told you that I was pregnant but never hinted at the possibility of it being yours. I couldn't do it to you but I knew you would have given up everything to be here for us and to try and be a proper family and I didn't want you to sacrifice your music for me._

_When Craig told me he wanted a divorce I was glad to not be betrothed to him especially since I wasn't carrying his child. I rang you when I received the letter and I told you everything and you made me feel better. Even the 2am phone call to Japan when I was told that Craig had been killed in the line of fire. You told me to focus of the now and the future and not to worry about Craig's death because he wanted to divorce. Keep a strong face on and be who I know you are. Focus on that little boy growing inside and on Vannah. You then told me to read the lyrics you had emailed me and I knew that you had written them in the time that I spent on the phone with you. I smiled and felt Jack kick me. You then continued to sing to me over the phone and I was happier and I was taken back to the 5 days we spent together in LA. I told you to come home when I was in labour because you had to see me deliver. You said you would do your best and if not would be home by the time he had been delivered to hold him. _

_You came and got me and Savannah and took us to LA for a distraction before the birth and we spent nearly three months camped out together and I had so many chances to tell you but I just couldn't. It would ruin everything that had been created and we wouldn't be in a perfect little bubble of love and family. I went into labour on the 25__th__ of May and I welcomed us our baby boy. A perfect boy who looked so much like Savannah. We were over the moon in sharing this joy together. We then spent the next 8 weeks together and I didn't have the guts to tell you then either. We made love, we spent time walking along the beach, you got to witness Jack growing for the first 2 months and watch him smile and reach those small milestones. We were happy, like a happy family and that was when I should have packed up and moved in with you to leave behind the bullshit and the pain in Lakeview but I didn't because you were going overseas and you had an album to finish. The last night we spent together I told you that you were Jack's father in your sleep but you didn't hear me and that was it._

_I love you and I wish it had been you since I was old enough to realise. Jack is your baby boy. If you don't believe me then you can get a DNA test conducted. I will understand. I love you so much and I know you love me and trust me to know that you are his dad. You will be a good daddy to him and I hope we can all live on the road together with Savannah and all the other little offspring's we will produce._

_I apologise for all my wrongs Derek. Nobody is perfect. You know that. I'm just deeply sorry for being a coward and potentially ruining the chance at seeing the milestones Jack will reach. _

_I'd understand if you never want to be with me ever again but Derek 25 years together is a milestone and we both know we are better together than apart. _

_Love Mer._

Derek just stared at the handwriting on the page. He stared at the tear stain marks on the page. He wasn't mad at her for what she did. She was in a place of sadness and guilt and he knew how much guilt pained. He just wished she would have told him right from the start.

He closed the letter and placed it back into the chest and sent a message to Jen to reply to her many thousands of messages and missed calls, outlining what was going on and for her to ring in the morning. He sat his phone to the side and pulled out a picture from the unsent letter.

In his hands he held a photograph of Jack, one that Meredith had kept in the unsent letter. He smiled at the chubby little baby that he held so gracefully in her arms. He smiled at the photo and then turned it around read the small message on the back.

'_We produced a beautiful baby boy, he is only a few days old but he is so much like you'_.

**Thanks for reading and thoughts would be appreciated. **

**The next chapter is the catching up on things that he has missed in the passing three days, so sort of a filler chapter but has its importance as does any other chapter. **

**I will try and update when I get a chance.**


	8. Chapter 8

"_One, two, three…" Jack says counting out the sugar sachets from the table at the diner as they ate brunch._

"_I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be back." He says kissing her and then leaving._

_He enters the bathroom and takes a deep breath. What he was about to do was undoubtedly painful but it had to be done. He took a deep breath and heard an explosion sound. _

_His plan was working._

_He left the bathroom and fired rounds from his gun killing everything in his sight to get to his target. Bodies fell to the ground. Blood splattered over walls, floors and the deceased. Whimpers sound from people in pain and silent cries could be heard from the dead. He steps to where he was seated moments before and opens fire hearing the screams sound from the one he called the love of his life._

_Meredith nursed her two bloodied children with penetrating wounds to their bodies. Meredith herself sat covered in the blood of her children. Her clothing and skin stained from the blood of the innocent. _

"_Please don't. Please." She says rocking backwards and forwards with her two deceased children in her arms._

"_Why shouldn't I? You lied to me for over two years about Jack. How could I forgive such a thing? Your life isn't worth living now. You've lost me. You've lost your children. Your baby won't survive this shooting with that wound to your stomach. You're husband divorced you and was killed, your mother died, your father walked out on you. I don't speak to you. I'd be much better for me to end your life now then carry on a dark life filled with tequila and random strangers. _

"_Derek, please don't." She says as her tears fall down onto her children. "You once loved me. We were extraordinary together."_

"_That was then. What about now?" He says._

"_Daddy?" He hears Savannah say._

He jolts awake and sees Savannah standing beside the bed and sees that it is 2 am.

"Hey honey, what's wrong?" He says sitting up in the bed.

"You were shaking and yelling." She says.

"Sorry, I had a bad dream."

"Me too."

"Really?"

She just nods her head and begins to cry.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks her.

"I had an accident daddy and wet the bed." She says crying even more.

"Hey, baby it's alright." He says. "Come on we can fix that. It's not trouble at all."

"I'm so sorry daddy."

"Don't be." He says standing up. "Accidents happen baby and you had a scary dream. Sometimes scary dreams can make this happen. It's alright you're not the only one person in the world for this to happen to. And you've had a lot going on in the last few days so it's alright baby girl."

He held her hand as they headed up the stairs and he got her into the shower.

"You just shower and clean yourself up. I'll put your sheets out to be washed and clean up."

"Can I sleep with you daddy?"

"Of course." He says kissing her forehead. "Don't worry about it."

He left her alone to gather her wet sheets and doona along with her clothes and put them in the wash. He silently thanked Meredith for having plastic mattress protectors which saved the last of the job. He wiped up any resemblance of moisture and threw the towel in the wash. He grabbed Savannah a new pair of pyjamas and walked into the bathroom to help her.

He helped her dress and combed her hair before embracing her for a long while.

"It's okay sweetheart. I'm not mad at you. Accidents do happen and you can't control them sometimes."

"I know daddy. It's just embarrassing."

"Savannah, you're not the only person who is a bed wetter. Plenty of kids your age have this problem."

"Thank you for being understanding daddy." She says squeezing him tighter.

"My pleasure love." He says. "How about you go to the toilet again so you don't have another accident and I'll take you down to my bed."

He got Savannah tucked into bed beside him and she was fast asleep clutching her teddy. He didn't find himself succumbing to sleep so he pulled his tablet out and decided he would catch up on what he missed in the last few days with news and leads with the shooting.

All the top stories revolved around the shooting and he to found himself amongst the top story with the announcement of Aria's birth. He clicked on the announcement of Aria's birth and read the small news story created Monday night.

_Music stars preemie daughter arrives after Lakeview shooting._

_Singer Derek Shepherd has a new family member. His newborn daughter who was introduced to the world by twitter just over an hour ago. Aria Grace is the new arrival to his family and a new sister to Savannah, his 5 year old daughter. Shepherd himself is back home at Lakeview, where he grew up after his wife and mother of his two daughters was injured yesterday by a single gunshot after a gunman shot at people at the local diner. Baby Aria Grace is believed to have been delivered on arrival at the hospital after the mass shooting. The new baby is a sister to Savannah and Jack. Shepherd tweeted telling the world about kangaroo care for his premature baby born 5 weeks early. He also tweeted an hour later about his wife and the beauty of her eyes and being awake. News has arisen that the last few dates of his tour have been postponed due to the shooting. People are though hopeful for the tour to continue. People have sent their thoughts and well wishes to the star and wishing his wife and daughter a speedy recovery._

He smiled at the thought that Aria was already a news headline and she was only 3 days old but she was following in the footsteps of Jack and Savannah with Savannah being a headline for nearly a week and Jack also gaining a mention. They really were celebrity babies.

He scrolled through the rest of the news and then reached the articles on the shooting. The many articles that have been composed and published.

He clicked on the one that caught his eye in the car and began to read.

_Restaurant Shooting. Two dead, 4 critically injured, 10 injured in a shooting at the local restaurant._

_Sunday morning, 11am at the Lakeview Diner is peak hour and the peak hour was when shooter David Cross, 29 years old chose his time to open fire at the family diner. At around 11:15 am up to 70 people were in the diner from the staff to people coming for coffee and lunch and others enjoying a meal from all ages. A car bomb detonated in a back parking lot at around 11:16 am drawing attention to outside the diner then what was bound to happen next. With some people from inside the diner running outside to tend to the car an explosion sounded in the diner. An explosion of shrapnel fired up in the air to bring the attention to Cross who had sealed the door locked moments before he fired into the air which caused fragments from the roof to fall and covered the front entrance. Cross in his hands held a __Bushmaster M4 Type Carbine rifle and urged everyone down onto the floor and threatened them if they moved they would be shot. Cross, jumped the counter to the kitchen, yelling at the cooks and dishwashers out to the dining area where they were help at gunpoint in front of everyone, execution style. Cross then angrily yelled at them for firing him 3 years prior as he was in town on break. He demanded to see the owner, Grant Baxter and his wife Max Baxter told him that he wasn't in town. He was out of town. Cross hit Mrs. Baxter across the face with the gun, cutting her cheek open. _

_As the people began to murmur and scream he fired another round around the diner with chunks of wood, metal and porcelain hitting people. One of his shots missed a toddler in his pram and killed the father of the toddler, Mark Fields. Other bullet fragments hit 5 people, injuring them and killing another, 19 year old Preston Myers. As he gained sight of a woman crawling to the bathroom he followed her not knowing that at this point there was another woman in there. Mistaking the two he yelled at a pregnant Meredith Grey, music star Derek Shepherd's wife, from inside the bathroom and then dragged her out and pushing her down to the ground. Where she begged for him not to shoot her and he replied telling her that he should because she didn't follow his orders. Mrs. Grey was starting to get hysterical at Cross. DR Neil Frankston then stood up and walked towards Cross with his hands in the air. Cross urged him not to come any further or he would shoot Mrs. Grey. DR Frankston tried to reason with him and to look at Mrs. Grey and reminded him that she was pregnant. He looked back at Mrs. Grey then back to DR Frankston._

_He looked at the Doctor and pointed his gun at him. Witnesses tell us that Cross began to frantically yell about a partner and child and how his partner lost this child in utero. The Doctor reminded him that it does happen and at this point, Cross who was agitated questioned who he was and Dr Frankston explained his profession as an obstetrician and this enraged Cross who began shouting and then pulled the trigger hitting Dr Frankston in the left shoulder and bringing him down. He fired another road to silence everyone and then turned to Mrs Grey, dragging her up to her feet and proceeded to ask her questions about her pregnancy. Mrs Grey told him about it being her third child and he began to laugh and asked why she got three babies and he had none. He told her she didn't deserve three and then shot her right above her abdomen without giving her a chance to speak and sending her down to the ground._

_Cross then moved to the middle of the dinner and proceeded to scream and shout the name 'Laura' and held the rifle to his temple. Cross was then taken down by an undercover cop who had been in the diner the whole time and waiting for a moment when he was not endangering anyone's life. He took Cross down by firing a shot in his leg and bringing Cross down with his gun falling out of reach. Constable Hickey got hold of Cross as people left the building covered in blood and debris. People left the diner clutching children and others as the police swarmed inside the diner to arrest Cross and clear the building as paramedics treated the victims and injured. Preston Myers and Mark Fields were announced dead at the scene while 4 critically injured persons were tended to, Mrs Grey being one of them. The injured were all transported to the Samaritan Hospital in Moses Lake. Mrs Grey, who at the time of the shooting was 35 weeks was taken straight to surgery and doctors performed a crash caesarean on her baby who is now presently in the NICU._

_Three other critical patients were operated one, one believed to have been shot in the head. The other injured have been reported to the Samaritan hospital for treatment. No word yet on the status of the four critical but Chief of Surgery, Dr Kasey Vincent has released a statement involving the injured, 'Our 14 patients referred to us are in stable conditions and we hope for that to remain. They are at present surrounded by family and round the clock care in treatment and tests. As a small town you never imagine this would happen, especially to your own hometown. My gratitude is towards the two families who have lost somebody today and also to those of the injured and we hope to keep the toll down.' Dr Vincent later acknowledged her sister-in-law, Mrs Grey and newborn niece where stable._

_Mr Cross remains in police custody as a dark shadow looms over this small town as two are dead and 14 injured along with the preemie newborn. Preston Myers who was 19, Mark Fields, 43 have been confirmed as the victims. Preston Myers who was home for summer holidays from college leaves behind his local family. Mark Fields a local businessman leaves behind his wife and 3 children. _

_Investigators, examiners and police from Seattle remain at the scene cleaning up the sight while trying to get evidence and have reported to Cross's house to gather up evidence. Cross is expected to sit before a judge in the next week to be given while police are investigating Cross to understand why he did it while families and friends mourn for the victims. Local Mayor Wendy Chambers, Washington State Governor Gregory O'Marr and President Jerry Locker have given a televised address. President Locker is expected to arrive at Lakeview by Wednesday to meet with the injured and the town of Lakeview and address the town at the local ballroom over the shooting._

_A tribute has begun with flowers, letters and balloons for the victims of the tragic shooting. A vigil is scheduled to be held Monday night outside of the diner. Local Priest, father Barry Altman has reminded the town of Lakeview to hold their families a little tighter and remind each other how much they love each other in a time of despair. _

Derek felt like absolute crap. He was too involved with Meredith and Aria, that he didn't realise who was the injured and who had been killed. He felt guilty and not just guilty for not realising who had been killed but also for not protecting Meredith. The two were supposed to be together and he promised to protect her and the children and he failed in doing that.

He received a message from Jen and opened it.

_Derek, seriously call me back. I need an answer and Vic is angry at me. Call me back. Do I need to reschedule gigs or postpone the tour? People need to know. Refunds will need to be made. Call me Derek._

He wishes that Jenny would cut him some slack and not call every few minutes. Maybe leave a text but not call four times. It was desperate especially after all the passes she had made towards him. Like undoing the button of her blouse and pushing her bra up to show off her fake boobs, and leaning on things to show them off.

All these passes she made towards Derek he told her to do something or that he wasn't interested. She just seemed to not get the point. She was like one of his groupies but the only thing was that she was his assistant and had access to everything and he had once found her in his hotel room sprawled across his bed after one of his performances. He told her to leave the room, he wouldn't mention it to anyone but if she did something like this again she would be fired. He had never seen her make any passes again but he knew that behind his back she would make the subtle eyes over his body and the fantasies.

He was a father and she was still trying to get him he was embarrassed for her. He shook his head to rid of the memories and placed his phone beside him to ignore the text until morning.

He took his tablet back into his hands and drafted an email to send to Vic.

_My deepest regrets are with you all right now. I have just made the decision to cancel my remaining shows. Deep to the bottom of my heart am I sorry for this but you see my family comes first. I was informed on Sunday evening of a tragedy that happened in my hometown. The death of two of the residents and injuries to 14 others with one of those injured being my wife and mother of my children. My wife was shot after being mistaken for another person. Luckily enough she arrived at the hospital and was taken to surgery where they delivered my baby girl who is 5 weeks premature and is currently in the NICU getting bigger and stronger while my wife is currently in a touch and go condition and believe I should be at her side then finishing the remainder of the tour. My kids need me in this time and so does my wife and family. With my deepest regrets and apologies, my heart belongs here at my hometown after this tragedy to be with my family and spend time in this emotional time. In my hometown less than 1000 people live here, it's a close nit community where everyone knows each other and you are affected by the circle of life. Full refunds of concert tickets will take place in the coming days and I will be in contact with you all and for those who missed out I will be sure to play in your town sooner._

_Kind regards and my deepest apologies_

_Derek Shepherd _

He sent it off to his tour manager, to Jen and to the band members and shut off his tablet and curled up beside Savannah just watching her sleep so soundly. There really was something about a sleeping child that made him feel safe and at home.

…

"Dada." He hears the next morning and rolls over and sees Jack standing beside him.

"Hey Jack. What's wrong?"

"I'm hungry." He says.

"Alright, I'll get you something to eat in just a moment." He says. "What would you like?"

"Toast."

"Okay buddy." He says kicking the sheets off of his body and then quickly checking his phone to see 10 messages and 1 missed call.

He frantically listened to the missed call wondering if it was the hospital but it was the media trying to get into contact with him.

He read through the names of the messages and saw they ranged from Vic to Jen, his sisters and his band members.

Jen's was just about getting him to call as soon as he wakes up. Vic simply told him to ring and the members and his sisters just checking in on him.

He knew he was an important man but days like today he wished he could fade away into the background and just be normal. Not famous musician Derek Shepherd just Derek Shepherd, husband and father.

He followed Jack into the kitchen and kicked a box that sat near the doorway. Silently cursing.

"You okay?" Jack asks.

"Yeah buddy. You'd think Mommy would move these boxes out of the walkway."

"But we were packing to move in with you." He says with a mile wide smile on his face.

Derek just ruffles Jack's hair and kisses his head before making Jack breakfast.

"Will we see Momma today?"

"Of course we will." Derek tells him.

"When will Momma be home?"

"Hopefully soon buddy. She has to stay as long as she's healthy to leave. It may be a while."

"Because of her fall?"

"Yeah buddy." Derek says. "But don't worry, the doctors are keeping a very good eye on her."

"And Ari?"

"And Aria as well." He says placing the plate in front of Jack. "Eat up boy."

A knock sounds at the door and Derek opens the door to Lexie, Mark and there three kids.

"Hey." He says with a smile.

"We didn't wake you did we?"

"No, I've been up." He says. "Come on in."

The kids follow their parents into the kitchen and take a seat around the table.

"Where are you off to so early?" He asks putting the kettle on.

"Derek do you know what today is?"

"Wednesday."

"The President is coming today." Lexie says.

"Oh, I forgot all about that."

"Obviously." Mark says.

"Forgive me. I've been at the hospital for two days straight with no TV or papers or anything. I missed the whole shooting announcement as well so I should be cut a little bit of slack for not knowing."

"Well he's arriving at the hospital in an hour and is meeting the patients then heading to the ballroom for an address to the town." Lexie says. "You better be there."

"No I will." He says. "I'm sorry everything is just all over the place. I haven't even heard the address he made after the shooting."

"Well how about I get it up on the screen, you eat and such and we can watch it all together." Mark says.

"Okay then."

Derek made breakfast for himself and Savannah and Lexie went and got Jack dressed and his teeth brushed and ready to go to the hospital.

The three Shepherd's and the five Sloan's sat around the living room with the address ready to play.

"Ready Derek?"

"Yeah."

_Local Mayor Wendy Chambers, Washington State Governor Gregory O'Marr and President Jerry Locker_

"_This afternoon, I spoke to Governor O'Marr and FBI Director Muller. I offered Governor O'Marr my condolences on behalf of the nation. And made it clear that he will have every single resource that he needs to investigate this heinous crime, care for the victims, counsel their families._

_We've endured too many of these tragedies in the past few years. And each time I learn the news, I react not as a President, but as anybody as would as a parent and a partner and family man. And that was especially true today. I know there's not a family in America who doesn't feel the same overwhelming grief that I do._

_Two people died today and 14 seriously injured. Two people who had still had a lifetime ahead of them. The youngest being 19 years of age and a father who will never hold their children again. 14 people who will endure the scars of this tragic day for the rest of their lives. Emotional scars that will never heal._

_They had still had entire lives to fulfill with their family and friends. Those two fallen had grown up in this safe town. With one of them back home from college to visit his family. These two devoted their lives to this town and were grateful for such a wonderful place to call home. Our hearts are broken today for the parents and the grandparents, the sisters and the brothers and the partners and the children and for the families for these people who are lost._

_Our hearts are broken for the families for the survivors as well. For as blessed as they are have their children, partners, parents and families home tonight, and they know that their children's innocence has been torn away from them too early. And no words will ease their pain. Even the cries of the newborn baby lying in the NICU waiting for her Mommy to wake up and be able to hold her. _

_As a country, we have been through this too many times. Whether it's an elementary school in Newtown or a shopping mall in Oregon or a temple in Wisconsin or a movie theater in Aurora or a street corner in Chicago. These neighborhoods are our neighborhoods. And these children are our children. And we're going to have to come together and take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this regardless of the politics._

_This evening, Kelly and I will do what I know every family in America will do, which is hug our family a little tighter. And we'll tell them that we love them. And we'll remind each other how deeply we love one another. But there are families in Washington who cannot do that tonight. And they need all of us right now._

_In the hard days to come, that community needs us to be at our best as Americans. And I will do everything in my power as President to help. Because while nothing can fill the space of a lost loved one, all of us can extend a hand to those in need to remind them that we are there for them. That we are praying for them. That the love they felt for those they lost endures not just in their memories but also in ours._

_May God bless the memories of the victims. In the words of scripture, "heal the broken hearted and bind up their wounds.""_

Derek felt a tear fall from his eyes. He personally felt that connection to every word and was glad to be meeting with the President today. Not as musician Derek Shepherd but affected husband of the victim Meredith Grey and the father of Aria Shepherd.

"Who's ready to go and visit Mommy?"

**Thoughts and reviews would be great.**

**I'll try and update by the weekend and it will be a flashback to the time they conceived Savannah to when Savannah is a year old.**


	9. Chapter 9

_Manhattan, New York City, August 12__th__, 2007 _

"_Derek, what are you doing?" Meredith asks into the phone._

"_I'm just at home. Why?" He whispers into the phone as he gets up from the couch where he had passed out the night before when he and his band mates threw a party. There were people all over the place._

"_I was just wondering what you were doing. I'm having a boring day. Mom is with Lexie and Gemma. I just have the house to myself."_

"_I wish I was there then." He says smirking to himself. "I could make your day so much better." He says._

"_How so?"_

"_Well firstly, we would never leave your bed. Secondly there are to be no clothes worn and thirdly I would be inside you the whole time." He says causing her to giggle._

"_Really Derek?"_

"_Oh yes I would. I would never leave your side." _

"_Well then open up your front door then."_

"_Why?" He asks._

"_Just do it." She says._

"_Fine." He says as he walks towards the door. "What are you wearing right now Mer?"_

"_Nothing but that thong that you love me wearing." She says._

"_Oh I wish I was with you right now." He says as he opens the door. He is shell shocked at who he is staring at right now. A girl wearing skin tight jeans, a pair of converse sneakers and a band shirt. "So much for that thong."_

"_Well I do have that thong on right now but I don't think it would be appropriate parading through this apartment building in nothing but a thong." She says to him. "Surprise."_

"_A surprise it is." He says. "Why?"_

"_Lexie and Thomas are looking after Mom for the week and told me to take some time off to do whatever I want and I knew you were here in New York playing so I thought I would fly here and surprise you."_

"_You really did." He says enclosing the space between them and pulling her into his arms and starts kissing her. "When are you going home?"_

"_The 18__th__."_

"_So a week of this?" He says pulling her closer to him and into the apartment where he drags her suitcase in and shuts the door and dragging her down the apartment and to the bedroom where he shuts the door behind them and leans her up against the wall. _

"_Yes." She says in between kisses._

"_Great because I have a lot of things I want to do to you." He says as he unbuttons her jeans and pulling her shirt up over her head._

"_Do you just?" She asks pulling his shirt up over his head and kicking her shoes off._

_He nods his head and then pulls her down to the bed and pulls away from her lips and just looks at her._

"_I've missed you." He says._

"_Me too." _

…

"_Guys I would like you to meet my friend Meredith." He says at breakfast that morning after him and Meredith had fallen into bed with each other. "She is the one I grew up with."_

"_This is Meredith?" JT asks smirking. "Now I can see why you're always so smitten over her."_

"_I'm not smitten over her." Derek says blushing. "Anyway Meredith these are my band mates and a few guests. That is JT, he is my guitarist. This is Lucy, she's my triple threat. She sings, plays keys and plays the cello. That is Sav and he is my drummer. That is Ben and he plays guitar, bass, acoustic and sings. That is Demi and she provides backing vocals." He says. _

"_It's nice to meet you all." Meredith says smiling at the group of people. "Whose apartment is this?"_

"_Everyone's. When we play in New York this is where we crash and the recording studios are just 3 blocks over and where close to everything." Sav says._

"_Calliope was here but she left. She is the one who has been our support act. You'll meet her tonight." JT says._

"_Tonight?"_

"_Yes. We have a gig tonight."_

"_I shouldn't have come if you had a gig tonight."_

"_No its fine." Derek says smiling. "Really."_

"_Okay."_

"_I'm glad you're here though because I wanted to know if you wanted to sing tonight with me."_

"_What?"_

"_Come up and sing a duet with me and maybe do a solo." He says._

"_But I'm not prepared for it."_

"_Mer, you are. You'll be fine. We can go and practise now. Lucy is fine with this as well because you wrote this song with me Mer."_

"_It's your song Meredith; you've just been missing from it." Lucy says smiling. _

_Meredith looked around the room at all the other band members and they nodded their heads to give her the go ahead. _

"_I know you can do it." Derek says. "This is what we have wanted to do since we were 12 and tonight we get to play together."_

_She bites her lip for a moment and then nods her head. "Okay. Let's do it."_

"_Yes!" Derek says smiling and pulling her into his arms to hug her as everyone else says yes and clapping._

…

"_Mer you'll go on for your solo and then we'll sing our duet." Derek says to her just before he goes on stage. "Tony here will come and get you and stand you in the wings and then I'll call you on stage."_

"_Okay."_

"_You sure you don't want me to play the guitar for your solo?"_

"_I'm sure because it's a surprise for you."_

_He nods his head and then kisses her._

"_Derek." Tony says. "It's time."_

"_Okay. I'll see you in a few." He says and leaves her to finish her make up._

_Callie had come by and wished her luck and gave her a few pointers before she headed down towards the wings to stand and watch Derek. She could have had this. The stage, the crowds and the band. She could have been up and coming in the music industry but she chose to care for her mother. She sacrificed her hopes and dreams to care for her sick mother and she got nothing. Derek still went off and followed his dreams but she didn't blame him it was always going to happen no matter the circumstances. _

"_Now I have someone special here with me tonight. My childhood best friend. The two of us ever since we were about 10 we started singing and creating music with each other. We were young and thought we would live forever and nothing would get in our way. We had plans to leave Lakeview together after we finished high school and head off to LA to get signed to a record deal. When we were planning on leaving her mother got sick and she had to stay at home and care for her and I went off to LA and got signed. It's been over 3 years since that day and I regret myself for leaving without her but tonight I would like you to give a warm welcome to her. She is a bit nervous but once you hear her you'll be blown away by her beautiful and unique voice. So Meredith would you like to come out." He says. "Meredith Grey everyone."_

_Meredith heads out onto the stage with a microphone in her hands and is telling herself over and over not to trip. Derek kisses her cheek and holds her hand._

"_Now Meredith and I are going to sing a duet but firstly she is going to sing by herself. It's some sort of a surprise for me. It's an original as well. So everyone let's make her welcome. Meredith!" He says moving away from her to go and sit on a stool. _

_Ben came up to Meredith's side and sat down on a stool while she stayed standing. _

"_Hi guys, I'm Meredith and this is called Fire and Iron. I wrote it loosely based on my childhood and growing up. So I hope you enjoy." She says smiling._

"_Ready." Ben says. She nods her head with a smile and takes a deep breath. "1..2…3" He says as he starts strumming._

'_Sunday morning and the lawn's all mowed  
We walked through the Japanese gardens home  
You tried to impress me by rolling a smoke  
But your hands were shaking and the paper broke_

I played cool and I took a drag  
Coughed like the kid on the Panadol ad  
You just smiled, kicked the dirt  
Said "We're not as cool as we thought we were"

_Oh, oh, oh, oh  
oh, oh, oh, oh_

On the night that we first kissed  
I climbed out the window so I wouldn't be missed  
Getting too big for the swings in the park  
Passing the lighter in the dark

As the sun came up we had to leave  
You said my name, I could feel you breathe  
I walked home in the freezing cold  
Heartbeat thumping through my coat

Fire and iron  
Iron and fire  
Tears in the water  
Water in the wine

That awkward winter turned to spring  
We learned a million grown-up things  
Sharing cigarettes under the stars  
We laughed and drank and raced your car

Then one morning right on dawn  
You lost the wheel, you missed the turn  
The whole world rolled on top of us  
You said my name, but I never woke up again

Let it go, let it go  
Where's the guy I used to know?  
The girl I was died years ago  
Now she's a ghost, let me go

Fire and iron  
Iron and fire  
I'm living your life  
And you're living mine

Sunday morning and the lawn's all mowed  
You walk through the Japanese gardens home  
You look so funny with your kids in tow  
You gave up smoking years ago

_Oh, oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh, ohhh…._'

_She closed her eyes after singing and then turned to Ben and smiled and he smiled back at her._

_She watched as the crowd clapped and cheered for her and saw people stand to give her an ovation._

_Derek came up to her and pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "That was beautiful Mer." He says with his eyes filled with tears._

"_Thank you Derek." She says smiling._

_Derek pulls away from her. "Meredith everyone." He says before taking his Mic from the stand and then nodding his head at her. "Now one more song with MS Grey before she heads off backstage. This one we wrote together we were in our last few weeks of high school and everyone was stressing out because of college applications and things like that. I came home to find Meredith sprawled across my bed with a notepad in front of her and an array of pens. Out of everyone in our year she was the one having a hard time. Her mother received a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and her brother and sister were off at college. She was the one who received the bad news but she kept a smile on her face and told everyone to keep positive. This day I asked what she was doing and she looked up and smiled. I still have this smile in my mind because it was so beautiful. She told me to come and write a song with her because she wanted to share every last moment we had until I left for LA. So we sat in my room and wrote this song in about an hour and she went and sat behind the keys and played out this beautiful tune to go with it. It was the last song we wrote together before I moved to LA."_

_The music started and she smiled at Derek before turning to her mic._

'_You were always there  
Why did they take you away?  
I was never scared  
In your arms I felt invincible_

_Wanted you to see  
The world beneath my feet  
I wish that you could stay  
I would tell you  
You're unbelievable_

And I want you to know  
You're who I want to be  
And I'll sing with everything  
I have inside of me  
You're always in my heart  
There's no letting go  
You gotta know  
You're unforgettable

You say I've got your eyes  
Still it's so much to see  
I couldn't even say goodbye  
Cause you were taken, without  
Even letting go

This crimson  
Runs through my veins  
It's your life  
You're the energy

_And I want you to know  
You're who I want to be  
And I'll sing with everything  
I have inside of me  
You're always in my heart  
There's no letting go  
You gotta know_

_I just need to hear you speak  
Hold onto my hand  
There's nothing in between us  
I know you're thinking of me  
You'll be there if I reach_

_And I want you to know  
You're who I want to be  
And I'll sing with everything  
I have inside of me  
You're always in my heart  
There's no letting go  
You gotta know  
You gotta know_

_To know…_

_And I want you to know  
You're who I want to be  
And I'll sing with everything  
I have inside of me  
You're always in my heart  
There's no letting go  
You gotta know  
You're unforgettable  
You're unforgettable  
You're unforgettable'_

_He turns and looks at her during the last three lines. He looks deep into her eyes and a smile never leaves his face. She turns towards him at the last line and looks at him. They smile widely at each other and once they finish singing he picks her up and spins her around and places her back on the ground before kissing her lips and then turning back to the audience and holding her hand as she takes a bow._

"_Thank you so much." He says to her before she waves and leaves the stage._

"_We won't more!" A voice yells from the audience. _

"_I know so do I." Derek says smirking._

…

_5 weeks later _

_Derek's Los Angeles home, California, 16__th__ of September 2007._

"_Derek." Ben says throwing him his phone._

_Derek caught his phone and saw who was on the caller ID._

"_Hey Mer."_

"_Are you alone?"_

"_Um no. Hang on give us a moment." He says. "I need to take this in private." He wanders out to the balcony and looks at the starry night. "Go ahead."_

"_I don't know how to say this but I'm pregnant Derek."_

"_What? How?"_

"_It usually happens when you have sex unprotected." She says._

"_I know, it's just I thought we would be fine. I guess it goes to show this does happen when you don't take enough precautions." He says. "How are you feeling?"_

"_Shocked. I am so shocked. I didn't expect this to happen for a little while yet. I mean Mom died two weeks ago and now I'm having a baby. We're still young Derek and we're having a baby. What are we going to do?"_

"_Mer, calm down. I think we need to talk about this in person than over the phone. I can be in Seattle by lunchtime tomorrow. Meet me there and we can spend the day discussing this."_

"_Okay. I'll meet you at the park by 1." She says. "Derek, I am keeping this baby."_

"_I know Mer. I'm glad you are." He says. "We're going to have ourselves a little baby."_

…

"_Meredith!" He says calling out to her the next day as she sat at a park bench watching children run around the playground with their parents on the outskirts watching them with other parents. She watched the children run and play and laugh and fall and be kids. _

_She looks up at him before looking back at the kids._

"_Sorry I'm late. Traffic is mayhem."_

"_It's fine. You're here now and that's all that matters." She says to him._

_He wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him and kisses her temple softly. He wanted to ask her but he knew all too well in rushing her. So he waited and watched the kids playing at the playground._

"_I found out yesterday. DR Frankston ran a blood test on me. He said that I looked quite pale and not myself. When I felt absolutely fine just a little sleepy and tender boobs. He said he would run a test just in case and I didn't think about a possible pregnancy I mean we are young and yes we've had our scare before but I thought that we were fine even though we spent that whole week having sex. I mean it just takes one time with no protection and you could be expecting. That morning I opened up the clinic and got everything ready for the day. The blood tests weren't due until that afternoon. It was a slow day at the clinic and I was getting frustrated. I could have taken a pregnancy test but they sometimes give out false positives. So during my lunch break I ran an ultrasound on myself and up on the screen came up a tiny fetus with a strong heartbeat. So I knew that I was having a baby. DR Frankston walked in on me running the ultrasound and he congratulated me telling me he was on his way to tell me my blood test. He asked who was the father and I just smiled. He said that we would make good parents to the baby."_

"_We will be."_

"_How can we be good parents when you're all over the world playing and I'm stuck in Lakeview?"_

"_I'll come home. I'll give up everything to be home with you and the baby. I will Meredith. I love you oh so much and I want to be there for our baby and for you."_

"_But Derek it's your career."_

"_I can get a job in Lakeview. It's only a job."_

"_But it's what you want to do."_

"_Well come and live with me then and we can be together finally." He says moving from the bench to kneeling in front of her. "You don't have your mother to care for and you can come and tour with me. You saw how much everyone loved you in New York when we played. You wanted to do this ever since I can remember. It was your idea in the first place to leave Lakeview when we finished school and I left without you. Now it's time to join me on stage and touring the world. Our baby can grow up beside us as we travel the world. It will be with us all the time and separated from us because I don't want the baby to half know me. And if you don't want to move to LA with me than I'm moving home with you to be with you and the baby."_

_She looked at him and smiled. "You're not forfeiting your music career because of my stubbornness. I'll move to LA with you but not until I deliver because I want to have the baby at Lakeview and then we can move to LA and you can start that tour of yours."_

"_Crap. I forgot about the tour."_

_She smiles and kisses him. "We're having a baby."_

…

_March 24__th__ 2008, Seattle, Washington State._

"_It's Spring and it's snowing. We're not going to get home." A heavily pregnant Meredith says to Derek as she looks out of the hotel window to the morning city being covered in snow._

"_Well we'll wait until the snow eases up then we can head to Lakeview." Derek says coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her belly. "We'll be fine if we're stuck here another couple of days. The baby isn't due until the 11__h__ of April."_

"_But babies do have a mind of their own. Just like when our Mom's went into labour. Both our parents were out of town and they went into labour with us. It could be us. We could be stuck here without our baby car seat and things and go into labour. What will we do if that happens?"_

"_We'll we have a shopping center and family who can drive here with our things." He says. "You need to relax because we need that healthy baby. How about I run you a bath and you can warm up and relax?"_

"_A bath sounds good." She says._

_He draws her a bath and helps her into it. She sits with the top of her belly poking out of the water with the baby's foot sticking out of her belly._

"_Well hello there baby." She says running her hand over the foot. "Please stay inside me until we get home to Lakeview. We want to deliver you in our hometown because we think that place is lucky. Very, very lucky." She says._

_Derek rubs her feet and smiles. "So what are our names?" He asks._

"_We have Morgan, Mia and Hayley for our girls. And for the boys we have Jack, Luka and Nate."_

"_What will happen if none of those names fit?"_

"_Then we will think of another name." She says. "We have to have an open mind and wait until the baby is delivered." She says._

_He leaves her be for a few minutes._

"_Ma, hi, yeah we're not going to be home for a few days. I don't want to risk driving in the snow especially if she goes into labour between here and Lakeview. I'll ring you when we are leaving though and let you know when we should be home from here. Bye Ma."_

"_Derek!" She calls out._

"_Yes?" He says racing to her._

"_My water has broken."_

"_How do you know?" _

"_You can look in the tub if you really want to see." She says._

"_No it's fine. Okay let's get you out of here and dressed and to the hospital."_

"_But we're not at Lakeview." She says as Derek helps her out of the bath and wraps a towel around her. _

"_I know. Plans don't always work out. At least you are going to a hospital and not delivering on the side of a road."_

"_Good point." She says as she dries herself down and Derek hands her some clothing to put on. She had her hospital bag in the car and Derek made sure to carry her handbag down to the front where the valet brought around his car._

"_Come on Mer, one last push." Derek says to her a few hours later._

_She squeezes his hand harder as she braces down for that final push and is rewarded with the cries of an infant._

"_Congratulations. You have a baby girl." The doctor says holding the baby up for the two of them to look at. "She's gorgeous. We're just going to get her cleaned up."_

_Meredith feels tears prang in her eyes and Derek leans down and kisses her. "I love you so much."_

_The swaddled baby was placed in her arms for the first hold. The two parents were in complete awe at this bundle of joy who was whimpering._

"_It's okay sweetheart. There's no need for those tears." Meredith says before kissing the top of her head. "It's okay. Mommy's got you."_

"_Do we have a name for her?" The Doctor asks._

_Meredith looks to Derek and smiles. "She's no Morgan, Mia or Hayley." She says to him. _

"_Savannah?" He asks her._

_Meredith looks down at the baby and says Savannah again. The baby's cries stop and she places her thumb in her mouth._

"_Savannah Jade Shepherd." Meredith says._

"_I love it and I love you." Derek says kissing her again._

_They kissed the top of Savannah's head and took in the beautiful baby girl who had captured their heart. _

…

_March 2008 to February 2009._

_After a few days in the hospital Savannah and Meredith were discharged. Carolyn and Michael had made a trip to drop off the car seat and other things Meredith had requested. They had headed home the day before._

_Derek carefully placed Savannah in her capsule and buckled her in trying not to jostle the baby too much. They left the hospital and headed home._

_They arrived home to Lakeview and went to Meredith's home. They stayed in Lakeview for 4 weeks before they headed off to head back to LA for Derek's tour that was scheduled for 7 months around the country starting in May. He introduced Savannah to his band mates and they settled into Derek's home._

_There began a long 7 months on the road where at each concert he would debut his baby daughter to everyone and tell them how much he loved her. He would dedicate each show to Savannah and Meredith. _

_After being on the road and seeing all the sights Derek's tour wrapped up in LA. Savannah had been the favourite at every show and she had smiled at everyone when Derek brought her to the stage._

_In February, the tour had been finished for over a week. Derek had taken Savannah out for a walk and he came home to find Meredith packing her things into the car to head back to Lakeview. He stopped her for a moment and handed her a box._

_She opened the box and saw a sparkling ring inside._

"_Marry me." He says. She looks at him lost for words. "I love you so much Mer, I love Savannah so much and I want to be your husband and I want you here every day. I want you to stay here with me and I want us to be happy together. I know you had a whole heap of fun on this tour and I know I did. So much fun that I want to have you here to do it over and over again and to be able to kiss you every morning when we wake and every night before we fall asleep. I want every moment with you and not a moment every 6 weeks. It's the perfect thing to do and we always talked about marriage and family. You are the woman I am meant to love and be with. Marry me Meredith Grey."_

"_This was only temporary. I was only here until your tour ended and then I was headed home to Lakeview. I love you Derek but I want what is in the best interest of Savannah and she needs stability in Lakeview and not in California. She needs a home and not to be living on a tour bus for days on end." She says. "And that dream was a dream I had when I was 12. I have to think about Savannah and taking Savannah back to Lakeview is in the best interest. I don't want this fancy lifestyle. I want peace and quiet and family."_

"_But you do have family. I'm your family."_

"_No this is just a pure dream. We do have a baby together but my family is in Lakeview and I want her to grow up with her family."_

"_And not her father? I'm her father."_

"_I know but you'll see her every 5 to 6 weeks."_

"_It's too long." He says. "I'll move back to Lakeview with you."_

"_No! You are staying here. You have made it perfectly clear that you want to be here with your music."_

"_I want to be anywhere you want to be. I'll marry you and move home with you. I want to go wherever you will go."_

_She takes Savannah from Derek's arms and settles her on her hip. "You need to follow your dreams because I don't want to ruin them."_

"_You won't Meredith." He says. "Please stay here."_

_She looks at him and leans in and kisses his lips. "We're going to miss our plane. Come on Vannah."_

_She leaves Derek standing there. _

"_Meredith!" He says calling out to her. "Stay!"_

_She didn't turn back around to face him. She climbed onto the plane and wiped the tears away from her eyes._

_She wanted to marry him. She really did. She wanted him to chase her down to the airport but she made it sound final. She wanted to be his wife and wake up every day beside him. She really did she just didn't know how to say yes. _

_She looked down at Savannah. "I'm sorry Vannah."_

_They both moved on past the proposal and Derek flew to London to spend some time there while she went back to working at the clinic and raising Savannah._

"_Hi, I was wondering if you would like to go out on a date with me?" Craig Compton asks her at the desk of the clinic after her arrival back to Lakeview._

"_Do you wanna come back to my apartment?" A lady at the bar in London says asking Derek._

"_No, sorry. I have a baby and I don't need someone in my life making things complicated. Besides I have someone waiting for me."_

"_Derek isn't coming back for you."_

"_Oh I understand. It's a shame. A real shame." The lady says._

_Meredith looks at Craig and then to the photograph on her desk. She shakes her head and he walks off. "Good day then."_

**So for the record Meredith finally does accept the proposal of Craig after a lot of persistence from Craig constantly asking her out and from Lexie believing Meredith needs to be happy.**

**Next update will be up soon and it shall be the visit from the President with a voice of change being proposed to the town of Lakeview and the people of America.**

**Reviews would be lovely!**


	10. Chapter 10

Derek sat at Aria's NICU and stroked her hand. He had been at the hospital for a little over half an hour. Mark and Lexie were at Meredith's side while he decided to spend some time with Aria.

President James Locker was expected to deliver his public address to the town at around 12pm today. Derek wasn't expecting much to be said and didn't really want to go down to the ballroom and listen to him. He really just wanted to crawl up beside Meredith and hold her and sit staring at Aria while humming softly to her.

Staring at Aria reminded of him of all the mistakes he had made in the past 10 years but it also reminded him of the great things that came from those years together. Aria especially reminded him of all the great memories of Meredith and he felt somewhat safe at just thinking about it.

Aria had also become a worldwide trending topic. Paper's, online articles and social media were featuring her name heavily to try and get the word across.

_What about baby Aria?_

_Gun Control for Little Aria's future._

_Where's My Mommy? Baby Aria fights for life._

_Baby Aria to meet with President Locker today. Will she be the face of change?_

_Hope for Aria_

_Hope for change_

_Hope for victims_

She was only 4 days old and she was an internet hit already. Everyone was talking about her and questions were being raised over the safety for her future. She was a trending around the world because of the sympathy people were feeling for her. Derek didn't want people to be sympathetic towards him because he hadn't lost anyone. His wife was still fighting for her life but she was still alive. He wished this never happened but the trending and the articles got the message across and he knew that the more the trends the more people will be about changing their views on things. Social media was a very influential thing he had learnt in the past few years.

He continued to stroke Aria's hand and remembered the time him and Meredith were in New York together. The time he brought her up onto the stage and sang together and then the time they found out they would become parents. They spent so much time together happily why did it have to end and break their hearts. He was going to chase her down to the airport and tell her not to get on the plane but his neighbour called for his help.

He sat at her side pondering and thinking. He wanted to write a song but he didn't know where to start so he just watched Aria.

When the door to the NICU opened he didn't bother looking up because he knew it was a nurse or the Moore's who had their preemie daughter in the NICU as well. He just stroked Aria's hand and heard shuffling behind him and felt someone move towards him and place a hand on his shoulder.

"Derek. Someone is here to see you." Kasey says.

"I don't want any visitors." He says.

"Derek." She says. "Look at me." She says and he turns his head towards her. "Now you have a visitor here to see you and get to meet Aria. You don't want to turn away this man."

He sighs and looks at the window and sees who it is. "Okay."

He stands up and follows Kasey outside to the hallway.

"Derek Shepherd, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"President Locker." He says shaking his hand. "Mrs Locker." He says. "Nice to meet you too."

"Is it alright if we meet little Aria?" He asks.

"Of course. Now I apologise if she doesn't recognise you. She has only just woken." Derek says trying to bring some humour to the situation.

"Oh that's fine. I know what the foggy morning brain is like of a morning." He says smiling.

"Come on in." Derek says pushing the door open and holding it open for the President and The First Lady. He leads them to her crib and stands around it as they meet the baby girl for the first time. "She is only 4 days old and she is much like her mother." He says.

"She is real beautiful." Kelly says. "Hey baby girl."

"You can reach in and touch her in you want." He says.

"Don't mind if I do." Kelly says and reaches in and strokes Aria's hand. "Such a pretty name for such a pretty girl."

"All her mother." He says. "The three kids all got their mother's looks and personality. They are just three very gorgeous children."

"And is Aria your first baby?"

He looks at James for a minute. He could tell the truth about the lies or he could lie about the truth.

"The two girls are mine. Savannah and Aria. Little Jack is with her deceased husband."

"Oh okay. They have had a lot of tragedy haven't they?"

"Not really. This is the biggest tragedy to ever happen, their beautiful mother being shot because she didn't deserve three children." He said looking up at President Locker.

He looked at Derek and nodded his head. "No one should die because of the things they have. Dying because of having three children is worse than someone having the beautiful wife or money. It's just sad that people go that low." He says placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Its life and it has to happen to someone." He says.

"But it shouldn't have been her."

"No, it shouldn't have." Derek says bursting into tears. This was the first time since he found out that he had cried. He felt weak where he was crying but it was all bottling up inside of him and he had to let it out. He had been strong for his family but it was getting to him.

Kasey was outside and noticed Derek crying and she came inside the room and smiled at her big brother who was being comforted by the President and his wife.

"Derek." She says smiling at him. "It's okay to cry."

"But I'm crying in front of the President. I'm weak." He says.

"When I see a grown man cry I don't think they are weak. I think they are crying because they have emotions and have survived through something so traumatic. Something they don't want anyone else to go through because they know what it is like. You have been through a lot and tears show strength in a man." He says. "So don't feel weak. Crying is human and you can't go on holding in these emotions because you want to be brave. My father taught me this. I caught him crying over losing his best friend and he sat me down and said that it's part of life. Don't ever feel weak if you cry because crying tells people that you are going through something but it will get better soon even if it's painful."

"I hate crying in front of the kids."

"You should show them that it's alright to cry because then they know that it's okay to be sad and upset over things."

Derek nodded his head. "Thank you."

"No worries." He says. "I see you have a good support team."

"I do. My family means everything to me." He says. "Meredith showed me that all the time. For 27 years she showed me that even if you want to scream and yell at your family at the end of the day they are the ones who will love you no matter what. They will not judge you and they certainly can hold you to make everything so much better. She showed me this as well. When we were growing up together we had our moments when we would fight and not want to be near each other. After a couple of hours we would find them lying down beside us holding our hand and apologising to each other because life was short."

"The two of them had a wonderful relationship." Kasey says. "They were friends ever since birth. It was always going to be cradle to grave."

"We brought out the best in each other and we just got each other from the moment we could understand what a friend was and what love was. I think the moment I first held her hand just after she was born was the time I started loving her and I never loved anyone else growing up because she was the one. We were young and had a world of endless possibilities waiting for us. We started playing and writing together and developed stronger feelings for each other and we were two teenagers in love. We thought we would live forever and live our dreams. We planned on leaving Lakeview at 17 and moving to LA to get signed to a record deal. Her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a month before we planned on leaving and her brother and sister were gone to college. She bailed from our plans and I went, leaving her behind. We saw each other when we could and we would make that time so precious and spent it together. We did that for the next ten years and ended up with beautiful kids. We had plans but they never worked out the way we thought they would. We just saw each other and spent time with one another because we knew that any day could be our last. I am just hoping she wakes in the next few hours because I never want her to leave me so soon. We're meant to be with each other."

"She seems like a wonderful person."

"She is." He says. "It's a shame you might not meet her because you would have instantly known her and been able to tell stories to people about Meredith Grey."

He takes Aria out of the crib and hands her to Kelly to hold in her arms.

"All the people she has met will all have their own story to tell. I have my stories and Kasey has hers."

"Tell me about Meredith." He says to Kasey.

"She is just like another sister. I just remember her especially from my earliest memories. It was always Meredith and Derek but I didn't mind because she would always make sure I am alright and happy and be there for me. I remember running to her when I had my first kiss and broken heart and she always told me that I would meet someone so much better. Her voice was beautiful. I always remember Derek calling her his own little 'Aria' and the name stuck for a little while. She was just so beautiful and kind and always put others first. She is godmother to my children and they always loved being looked after by her. She was loved."

Kelly passed Aria along to the President to hold and he held the baby in his arms.

"She definitely was loved." Derek says.

"Where are the other two?"

"They are around. Most likely with my parents." He says. "They should be coming down soon to see Aria."

"Well we have others to see here. We'll most likely run into them."

"Oh you will not miss them at all." Kasey says smiling.

He smiled and then slid the baby back into her crib. "It was nice to meet you little one. You are the definition of beauty and your beauty has captured my heart." He says stroking her hand. "She is divine."

"She's making me clucky." Kelly says placing her hand to her heart.

"Oh and me too." Kasey says laughing. "I suggested to my husband in having another baby and he asked if I was crazy. I wasn't but oh well." She says laughing.

"Well we have others to meet and greet. By the sounds of it Meredith is a beautiful soul. You are lucky to have her still."

"I know."

"We will see you at the ballroom won't we?" He asks.

"Of course." Derek says.

"I shall see you there Derek and I hope to meet the other two. We are sorry for what has happened to your family." He left with Kelly on his arm and the Governor O'Marr and Mayor Chambers came in to meet little Aria.

"Wow I see what people are talking about now." The Mayor says. "You are an angel little one."

"She is beautiful." O'Marr says.

"She's like her Momma. A shining star."

"Her mother is a shining star."

"She is."

Derek let them hold Aria and let them get to meet the girl.

"I wish something so tragic didn't happen to this beautiful girl. I mean this town has never had any violence resulting in deaths for nearly a hundred years. Everyone lived and didn't worry about safety of homes because we lived in a safe, close-knit community and then one day someone walks into the diner with a grudge over a meal and kills two people, critically injures and has injured others." Chambers says. "And we had this little girl born early."

"Well he shot MS Grey because she was pregnant." O'Marr says.

"It's sickening to know someone would do something like that. She was carrying a life and he took it all away."

Derek nodded his head. "People can't be happy anymore. People have to suffer from others pain and misery." He says.

"It's true. All too well are people hurt because someone has made their life a living hell because they aren't happy?"

Everyone agreed along with Mayor Chambers. They spent a little while longer holding Aria and put her back in her crib. Kasey said she would feed her while Derek went and saw the kids.

He thanked her and kissed her cheek before leaving.

He ended up finding his mother, Savannah and Jack in the waiting room with President Locker.

"Hi Daddy." Savannah says looking up and smiling.

"Hey baby."

"How is Aria?"

"She's good baby girl." He says coming and siting down.

"Now where was I?" Savannah asks.

"You were talking about your Mommy."

"That's right." She says smiling. "Our Momma is sleeping at the moment but I know that she is dreaming of all you can eat buffets and I know that when she wakes up she's going to demand so much food because she'll be hungry."

"Did your Mommy like her food?"

"Yes but she ate the wrong kind all the time. For breakfast she would eat left over pizza and cold grilled cheese sandwiches." She says.

"Did she?"

"Yes but I know that even if she is sleeping she still knows what is going on. She is happy because she knows who is waiting for her. I'm being happy because I know she is happy even if she is sleeping."

…

The ballroom was packed with people with only standing room available. Media crews were lined up everywhere to record the address to the people of Lakeview.

Derek sat in the front row with Lexie, Mark, Thomas, Katie, Kasey, his parents and his nieces and nephews and Savannah and Jack.

"Please welcome President Locker to deliver his speech for the people of Lakeview." Governor O'Marr says.

"Good afternoon, everybody. I want to begin by just thanking all the state, local, and federal officials who have responded magnificently to this tragedy.

'Governor O'Marr, has been an extraordinary example of strength. The Mayor, who has only been on the job seven months, and obviously has responded with great strength and leadership. The Police Chief, who — we had an opportunity to speak over the phone — Chief Oates has been dealing with as difficult a set of circumstances as any law enforcement officer deals with, and he and his officers have done everything right, by the book, with great courage and great determination. And so we are very proud of them. And I think I speak for the entire congressional delegation that is here as well.

'Scripture says that "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more. Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And when you have an opportunity to visit with families who have lost their loved ones — as I described to them, I come to them not so much as President as I do as a father and as a husband. And I think that the reason stories like this have such an impact on us is because we can all understand what it would be to have somebody that we love taken from us in this fashion — what it would be like and how it would impact us. Today we are here in remembrance of two adults and our other injured victims who are healing as best as they can after this tragic day.

'Mark Fields and Preston Myers

'I had a chance to visit with each family, and most of the conversation was filled with memory. It was an opportunity for families to describe how wonderful their brother, or their son, or daughter, or mother, or father was and the lives that they have touched, and the dreams that they held for the future. I confessed to them that words are always inadequate in these kinds of situations, but that my main task was to serve as a representative of the entire country and let them know that we are thinking about them at this moment and will continue to think about them each and every day, and that the awareness that not only all of America but much of the world is thinking about them might serve as some comfort.

'I also tried to assure them that although the perpetrator of this evil act has received a lot of attention over the last couple of days that attention will fade away. And in the end, after he has felt the full force of our justice system, what will be remembered are the good people who were impacted by this tragedy.

'And I also had a chance to give folks some hugs and to shed some tears, but also to share some laughs as they remembered the wonderful lives that these men and women represented.

'I also had a chance, fortunately, to visit some folks who are going to be okay, thanks to the extraordinary efforts of the staff at this hospital. And I just want to thank everybody who's worked tirelessly here to deal with this tragedy.

'Some of the stories are remarkable. You see young people who've come in and just two days ago, or 36 hours ago, or even 24 hours ago, it wasn't certain whether they'd make it. And now suddenly, their eyes are open, they're alert and they're talking. And it reminds you that even in the darkest of days, life continues, and people are strong and people bounce back and people are resilient. And particularly, given the fact that so many of the victims ranging from a huge age group it is a great blessing to see how rapidly they're able to recover from some pretty devastating injuries. Especially premature baby, Aria Shepherd.

'There's one particular story I want to tell because this was one of the early visits that I had and I think it's representative of everything that these victims were and still. I had a chance, to visit with Savannah Shepherd — Savannah who most of the town knows is 5 years old — and I also had a chance to visit with Savannah's baby sister, Aria, who's 4 days old. This story was one to remember when days get tough and nights are hard. These words made me smile and remember how good of a community it is here.

'And I know there are victims recovering now but stories and memories make the heart heal— but I wanted to share it with you. When I was visiting with the families and victims today I ran into young Savannah Shepherd, just after I was meeting her baby sister. Her father said that I wouldn't miss her and I knew what he meant the moment I saw her. He beautiful smile lightened the room and hid the pain of her critical mother. She ran into me and looked up with her big blue eyes smiling with flushed cheeks and said a 'sorry'. I asked her what her name was and she said Savannah Shepherd. She was with her grandmother and little brother on their way to see Aria. I sat down beside her and told her who I was. Her eyes went wide in shock and then she opened her mouth forming an 'O' shape.

'She said 'oh I recognise you now. I saw you on the computer this morning with Daddy. I think I may have seen you at one of my daddy's concerts.' I said that I was just talking to your daddy and she replied with 'my daddy talks to a lot of famous people all the time, it doesn't surprise me.' She brought a smile to my lips and I asked her about her mother. She looked at her grandmother and then turned back to me and said straight up 'she is the most beautiful woman on this earth'.

'Savannah told me about her mother and how good of a singer she was and how she thought that she was better than daddy before telling me not to repeat it. She confined in me like her best friend and told me her favourite things. 'My Mommy's speeches and her kind heart and love she has for me and Jack. Her kind heart towards everyone in this town and how she never had a bad word to say.' She then told me something her mother always told her. 'I won't judge anyone, ever. I'm not perfect enough to judge anyone. Look at your life and see if it's perfect before you judge someone.' Wise words coming from the mouth of a 5 year old.

'Savannah told me about how she had been with her Daddy the week prior to the shooting and how got to go up on stage and sing in front of people. She told me how she got to spend time travelling the world with her daddy and that once everything settles down and Aria and Meredith are healthy they are going to start fulfilling their wishes and doing the things she wanted to do. Like moving to California for a fresh start as a family and to be a married couple.

'She then told me as her father came and joined us that in her mothers' sleeping state that she has all you can eat buffets with all the foods in the world and how she will still watch us while she gets better.

'but I know that she is in that room watching over us. She is happy because she is imagining the foods she will demand when she wakens. I'm being happy because I know she is happy even if she is asleep'. She showed me that you can be happy after a tragedy as such, even if it means almost losing your mother.

'I don't know how many people at any age would have the presence of mind that Savannah has, or the courage that Dr Neil Frankston showed. And so, as tragic as the circumstances of what we've seen today are, as heartbreaking as it is for the families, it's worth us spending most of our time reflecting on young Americans like Savannah or Dr Frankston, because they represent what's best in us, and they assure us that out of this darkness a brighter day is going to come.

'To the entire community of Lakeview, the country is thinking of you. I know that there's going to be a vigil and an opportunity for everybody to come together. And I hope that all those who are in attendance understand that the entire country will be there in prayer and reflection today.

'To remember Mark, a beloved father and husband and businessmen of this town, described as a humble family man who wouldn't hurt a fly. Preston Myers, only 19 years old on a basketball scholarship at college. Described as a kind hearted boy who would do anything for his family and friends.

'To little Aria in the NICU and the actions those did to save Aria and to all those other victims recovering from home or who are still in hospital. Time is precious. Life is short make most of your life, count your blessings and fulfil your dreams. Become honorary amongst the tragedy and tell those around you how much you love them and how grateful you are.

'Meredith Grey said on her way to the hospital 'to not dwell on death', and 'that it is goodbye for now but not forever'.

'I though am going to do whatever I can in my power to make sure another tragedy like this happens never happens again. I don't want another baby to be left fighting for their life again. I don't want another mother to lose her child. I don't want anything like this to happen. In my power I will talk with many personal to make a change for the better. A change that will save many lives and many families from such a terrible tragedy.

So thank you. God bless you. God bless all who helped to respond to this tragedy. And I hope that over the next several days, next several weeks, and next several months, we all reflect on how we can do something about some of the senseless violence that ends up marring this country, but also reflect on all the wonderful people who make this the greatest country on Earth.

Thank you very much, everybody."

Derek looked up at the man on the podium and clapped for him. He looked around as the people of Lakeview felt somewhat relieved and stood to their feet cheering. He turned back and kissed Savannah's head before she got up, walked to the stage and went and hugged President Locker. He was taken aback by this gesture but picked Savannah up and hugged her. He stood on the stage and then turned back to the people of Lakeview and he and Savannah waved to the crowd with a big smile on her face.

"Thank you Jerry." She says turning back to him and smiling.

"No thank you Miss Savannah." He says before placing a kiss on her cheek.

Derek sat on the couch late that night and saw Savannah on the front of the news article and on the television screen. Savannah was the next face of change.

_Savannah, New Face of Change_

'_It's time for change', victims daughter voice heard._

'_As long as Mommy is happy, then so am I'. Changing Future_

_Local girl says 'thank you'._

Derek smiled as he saw his Savannah on the TV and her embrace with President Locker. He looked to his phone to his wallpaper of Meredith.

"This is for you Mer, you're going to be proud of her when you see this."

He stares at his wallpaper and watches as a call comes through from the hospital. He quickly fumbles to answer the call and places it to his ear.

"Hello?" He says. "What? No I'll be there right away!" He says getting up off the lounge to gather his things.

He ran across to his mother's home and knocked on the door.

"Derek what's wrong?"

"The hospital called. It's Meredith."

**Yeah I had to leave it there and I really don't know where I'm going to go from here, I'm just going to see what happens. **

**And as a note the flashbacks and the ever changing times are for the purpose of telling the backstory. Some may be huge chunks but others are small ones to just fill in the blanks.**

**Anyway thoughts would be great and I'll try and update when I get the chance.**


	11. Chapter 11

Derek sat holding Meredith's hand. The contusion had formed a blood clot and the neurosurgeon had performed a craniotomy on her to open a section of her skull to help relieve the pressure and remove the contusion.

That had been 8 hours ago and now she was resting in recovery. The contusion was worse in the CT then they had thought and they were hoping minimal damage was made to her brain and with hopes that she'd be awake and functioning well.

They did fear that damage was made to her speech and memory and that she may never wake up.

Derek had been made aware of Meredith's health care directive and if in a case of 30 days she didn't wake for her machines to be turned off as she didn't want to be a vegetable.

It was day 1 and Derek was hoping she'd be awake in less than 30 days because she was missing out on a whole lot.

He was dreading walking out of the room because he's sisters were all here to visit Aria and see Meredith and put in their opinion on what should be done. He didn't want to listen to their nagging and their numerous amounts of questions that drove him crazy.

"Daddy, they're here." Savannah says walking into the room with dread in her voice.

Savannah was so much like Meredith when it came to the sister. She could handle them but only in small doses and only a few times a year.

"Well how about we go to the bakery and get breakfast?" He suggests. He didn't want to leave Meredith's side but he really did want to spend some time with Savannah. "We can spend some time together."

"But Daddy they are your sisters." She says.

"But they interfere with my life too much they say things like, _'why don't you visit us more often?', 'why didn't you call?', 'why did you call her but not me?'. _Too many questions."

"And they are nosey." Savannah adds in.

"Yes they are."

"Can I get a chocolate croissant?" Savannah asks.

"Of course. Come on let's go the back way to the exit and we can travel to Lakeview for breakfast there because let's face it, the croissants there are the best in Washington."

"No the whole of the world!" Savannah says. "Better than the ones in Paris."

Derek lifts Savannah into his arms and leans down and kisses Meredith's cheek. "We'll be back soon Mer. Just be warned, the sisters are here."

They leave her room and take the long way round to avoid the sisters.

"And where do you two think you are going?" They hear from behind them.

Derek turns around and sees Amelia standing there with her arms folded over her baby bump.

"I was taking Savannah to the bakery for breakfast. I promised her last night that I would take her." He says.

"He did Aunt Amy." She says nodding her head with a wide smile.

Derek smiled to himself. She was just like Mer already all the times they lied on the spot to get out of things. Savannah was now helping him cover up and he was reminded of all the times they were caught together.

"_What are the two of you doing?" Lexie asks the two 16 year olds who were caught naked in the bathroom._

_Meredith stood in front of Derek to cover him up from her sister and he covered her areas with his hands. They were completely butt naked and exposed to her._

"_We just got back from the river and we are drenched. We decided it was too hot and just got in with our clothes on. We were just changing into some dry clothes." Meredith says when all in fact they hadn't been at the river and were going to get it on in the shower. _

"_Oh okay. Does Derek want to borrow some of Thomas's clothes?" She asks. Meredith knew that she had made her believe their story._

"_That would be great." Derek says smiling. _

"_I can put your clothes in the dryer."_

"_I'll do it Lex. It's fine." Meredith says._

"_Okay, I'll just leave some clothes by the door." She says and then shuts the door leaving them be._

"Oh okay." Amy says. "Bring back some things for morning tea then. I am craving chocolate croissants." She says rubbing her belly.

"If you eat too many you'll put on a lot of weight." Derek says to her.

"No uterus, no opinion." She says.

Derek smiles and grasps Savannah's hand.

"If we were at home we could have walked."

"But I don't have the right shoes on my feet to walk Daddy." She says pointing to her sandals

Derek laughed and picked her up into his arms and carried her across the car park. "You are just like your mother. That moment before with Aunt Amy, your mother and I used to do the same thing. We would be caught doing something that we shouldn't be and we would lie and cover for each other right on the spot. We got away with it 99 per cent of the time."

He drives them into Lakeview and to the bakery and parks and helps her down from the car and holds her hand as they cross into the bakery.

"Oh my favourite little girl." The owner says. "Come give me a hug."

Savannah runs to the old man and he picks her up into his arms and hugs her.

"Hi Frank."

"Hello Miss Savannah. What are we doing here?"

"Daddy and I came for breakfast. We wanted to get out of the house."

"Why?"

"Because my aunties and uncles are home." She says.

"Say no more." He says and places her on the counter. "Derek, it's nice to see your smiling face." He says shaking hands with Derek.

"You too Frank. I've missed this place and the pastries and the cakes."

"Well for my favourite family breakfast is on the house." He says. "Annie, come out here."

A middle aged woman comes out to the front of the bakery wiping her floured hands onto her apron and pushing her stray hair away. She looks up at Frank.

"What is it?"

"Look who's here." He says.

Annie looks up at Derek and smiles. "Oh my." She says coming to the front of the counter. "Derek, I haven't seen you in so long." She says embracing the boy who she used to babysit and watched grow up. "You've grown."

"No I haven't. You've just gotten shorter."

"Hey, you don't say that to a lady." She says playfully hitting his chest and grinning. "You seem well."

"I feel good." He says.

"Getting out of here was the best thing to ever happen to you."

"It was. It had its ups and downs but I think that being on the road and seeing the world has been a great opportunity for me." He says.

"The two of you take a seat. Chose whatever you want." She says picking Kaylee up and placing her down in a chair. "And I want to know about your time away from home."

He nods his head and smiles.

The two of them chose their breakfast and they served them with coffee and juice. Annie and Frank sat down with him at the table and ask him about his time away. He smiles at Savannah who smiles back at him.

"Where has daddy taken you?" Annie asks Savannah.

"Heaps of places. I've been to LA a lot. New York, Italy, London, Spain, Greece. I've been everywhere.'

"Well where do you want to go next?" Frank asks her.

"Mommy wanted to go to Australia. So I want to go to Australia and swim at the beach and pat a koala."

"Well you'll have to beg daddy to take you then."

"He will. I've got my eyes ready." She says.

"Oh all she has to do is bat her eyelids and I fall at her feet." He says. "I'll do anything she wants. We may just have to wait for Aria to be a little bit bigger."

"That's fine Daddy. Can we maybe go over Christmas break?"

"I'll think about it." He says. He looks at his watch and realises they had been out for nearly two hours. "Vannah we have to get back. We've been gone for a couple of hours already."

"Okay." She says sliding down from her chair.

"You're not going without a hug." Annie says holding her arms out. She embraces Savannah and kisses her forehead. "Be good for Daddy."

"I will be."

"I have to bring home some pastries and things. Amelia is craving chocolate croissants."

"How much longer does she have?" Annie asks moving behind the counter.

"10 weeks. First baby as well so it's going to be interesting." He says smiling.

Annie boxes an assortment of cakes and pastries and they farewell Annie and Frank.

"Daddy, do you think that maybe we should get something else just so they aren't suspicious of us being gone for so long?"

"We'll just say we went for a walk." He says to her.

"Okay." She says smiling.

He helps her into the car and drives back to the hospital where he's family is waiting.

"Daddy, is Momma going to be alright?"

"Of course she will be."

"But what is there's a chance that she doesn't get better?"

"Then we will cross that bridge when we come to it." He says. "But we won't have to worry."

"Where back!" He says as he walks into the waiting room.

"Finally." Amelia says rushing to him to grab the box of pastries. "I've been craving these croissants like crazy." She says.

"Go on, go and play with your cousins." He says to Savannah.

She runs off to the playroom where all her cousins are playing.

"Derek Shepherd. You snuck out without saying hello." Kathleen says. "If I knew better you were trying to avoid us." She says with her arms crossed across her chest.

"No. Savannah and I had plans to go and have breakfast together. You were all busy gossiping with each other we slipped out not wanting to bother you."

"Well I expect better from you. I wanted to see my niece and my favourite brother."

"I am your only brother." He says.

"And still my favourite."

He rolls his eyes and walks to the small kitchen that was set up for patient's family to use. His brother's in laws were supervising the kids and three of his four sisters were seated on the couch with Carolyn. Nancy holding her chubby checked 7 month old baby boy.

"Oh here he is." Nancy says. "Don't we get a hello?"

"I had plans with Savannah. We went for breakfast."

"You had been gone for an awful long time."

"We had some father daughter time. It's been a little crazy around here and we just needed some time to sit with each other and talk."

"You spent 2 and a half weeks with your daughter. How much more father daughter time do you think the two of you need?" Nancy says.

Derek turned to leave.

"Derek!" Carolyn says. "Speak to your sisters."

He was angry. They didn't understand anything. They were meddling in his life.

"Savannah could have lost her mother. There could be no more mother time. No more motherly words, embraces of kisses. No more motherly anything. She could die and Savannah, Jack and Aria have lost a mother and no matter how much time I spend with these children it will not make up mother child time. I need to step up and do both jobs for the three of them because no one in this whole wide world will be able to comfort them like a parent. I have to do both jobs because I love them and don't want them upset or missing time with me. You all don't understand anything." He says.

"Derek." Carolyn says.

"No Ma, it's true. They walk in here asking me a million questions and you all nag me and judge me for slipping out of the hospital. You don't understand. My best friend, my lover, my wife and they mother of my children was shot and she could have died. You all come in here asking why I'm like this. I l could have lost someone. Someone who I shared 27 years with. My person is lying in that hospital bed in a coma with a 30 day timer ticking. She was shot, almost lost her baby and her own life. I could lose the best part of my life in 30 days and there will be no more love for us because she could die. Those three children could lose a mother not just some friend or neighbour. A mother. My daughter is in the NICU because she almost lost her mother. I'm not going to stand by here and listen to your complaints and nagging because I can't handle it. Not today. I need time to be and realise that time is precious and tell her how much I love her. You all need to understand that or I won't be able to stay in this hospital with you all and I'll be on my way back to LA. Let me be and for once, let me be able to do something without the questions." He snaps before turning and leaving.

"Derek…" Amelia says as he leaves. "Look. I warned you two about this." She says and chases after him.

Derek went straight to Meredith's where he shut the door behind him. He shouldn't have snapped but they just didn't seem to understand. He sat on the chair beside the bed shaking from the anger that was boiling inside of him.

Amelia knocked on his door and waited.

"Go away."

She pushed open the door and closed it behind her and came and sat down beside him.

Out of all his sisters Amelia was his favourite followed closely by Kasey. He got along with her so well and she understood her little brother and knew when to not ask and just hold him.

"I don't want you in here." He says.

"Derek. You do. You need someone who understands you." She says. "And I know that Meredith isn't capable of being here and I am nowhere as close as being Meredith but I am your sister. I am not going to walk away because you yelled at me. You've yelled at me for 27 years and I've never turned my back on you. I've never. You've always confined in me when you were lonely and upset when all those times were unbearable. You would call me at 2 in the morning because you just wanted to hear my voice. Those times you were so upset I never hung up on. I sat down beside you. I would know when and when not to ask and then we would talk through things. You were the person I would call when I was upset as well and you gave me brotherly advice and I felt comforted. You've yelled and I've yelled. We still don't walk away from each other." She says.

He looks up at her and smiles. The two of them had been through the same experiences in life.

But her experience had a worse outcome. She lost a best friend to an overdose and he could have lost one to a shooting.

"I'm sorry for yelling." He says.

"I know you are. You needed to get it out. I understand." She says. "Remember me after Connie died?"

"I do."

"I was 18 Derek. I lost someone at a younger age." She says. "I could have stopped her Derek and I didn't. I've carried that with me for 12 years. I will never forgive myself."

"But you have to. Connie knew the dangers of drugs and she could have stopped herself. Her family could have stopped her. It's not entirely your fault."

"I know." She says. "I shouldn't say this but Meredith's injury was cruel. She doesn't deserve to be here lying in this hospital bed with complications and I know that Mom told me that the shooter got the two of them mixed up and that he shot her because she had three children. She was handed the cruel sentence. Connie did it to herself."

"Meredith didn't deserve it." He says.

"I know. Connie handed herself her own death sentence. Every injection and pill she took was shortening her life. Meredith woke up one morning, did a nice thing for Ma, went to the bathroom and then was dragged out in front of people and shot because she was a mother. No one should be shot because of that, let alone killed."

He nodded his head and Amelia grasped his hand.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"You have to keep it a secret though. You can't tell the girls or Ma. Dad already knows but you can't say anything until after Mer wakes and once things start to return to normal."

"Derek I've kept every one of your secrets. I will not blurt this one."

He takes the letter that Meredith had written him telling him about Jack's paternity and hands it to Amelia.

"Here." He says.

She takes the letter and unfolds it.

She read the letter and is shocked. "You're Jack's father?"

"Yes."

"But we all thought it was Craig."

"No he was infertile." He says. "The day he left for Iraq, Meredith came to Seattle with Savannah, we later flew to LA and we spent the week in bed with each other."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't realise until I got here and she actually told me. I thought she was on the pill and we didn't worry about other protection. She never told me about Craig being infertile and when she told me she was pregnant she never hinted I was the father."

"Did she ever hint that Craig was?"

"She didn't hint anyone to be. She wanted to keep it a secret because she wanted to keep a clean slate for Craig and herself and give him the decency and name around here. So she didn't say anything. I've seen Jack so much over these two year's times and I didn't realise that he was my son. He was all Meredith. I had a feeling but I knew it would go away. I came home and Mom said that his eyes aren't Craig and I knew that I was looking at my son."

"And nobody knows." She says.

He shakes his head. "Dad figured it out. I assume Mom may know. Meredith never told anyone."

"Wow." Amelia says. "So you actually do have three children?"

"Yep."

"And Jack isn't an orphan?"

"Nope."

"Wow." She says. "I just assumed. I never thought twice about it because I worked the conception out to be around the time he left and not after."

"Nobody did." He says.

"I can see why though Meredith kept it a secret."

"Well she never told Craig's family. Never. At the service for Craig she didn't bother sitting with his family because Craig had asked for a divorce a week before his death and she didn't feel like his wife. She went to pay her respects as a friend and not a wife." He says. "If Craig's parents knew about Jack they would want to be involved in his life and the moment Meredith died, Jack would be in their care. They would be sure of it. Even if Lexie was listed as guardian. They would fight for everything Meredith had."

Derek opened his arms and embraced her. He felt a small jab on his abdomen and pulled back quickly.

"Did that just happen?" He asks. "Did my future godchild just kick me?"

She just nods her head with a smile and grabs Derek's hand and places it where the kicks were coming from. He was in awe feeling his godchild kick.

"I always loved Meredith's baby bumps. I loved always kissing them and talking to them. I loved everything about them."

"I don't know why but she seemed to have the best baby bumps. I'm jealous of her."

He smiles and kisses her cheek. He was grateful to have Amy as his sister.

"Are you going to face the wolves?" She asks.

"I'm spending 5 days with the wolves." He says. "Not now. I will later."

"Don't apologise Derek. I know you feel as if you should but don't. They need to understand you and they just don't."

"Why couldn't I have four Amy's instead of two very nosey and pushy sisters? One who is a tag along and one of you. I want four of you."

"I like that idea." She says smiling.

He looks at his sister for another moment.

"I'm still trying to figure out the pieces Amy. Of what I am going to do next and where I am going to live and if I'm still going to play. Meredith is here recovering from surgery, Aria is in the NICU getting stronger. I have a list of things waiting for a solution but I can't do anything because time has frozen and I can't start moving things because I need to be here with Meredith and Aria and the kids. I need to catch up with people in town. I have a concert to organise and managers to call and fire. So many things and time feels frozen but it still feels like its running out."

"Well let's make a list then." She says. "Then you can know what is to be done."

He grabs a pad of paper and a pen and sits down. She takes the pen and paper into her hands and sits and waits.

"You know what I'll call Genelex and I will organise a date for you to go and visit them."

"I don't think that's necessary. I believe her and I can look at him knowing that he is truly mine."

"Well if you think this is the right thing to do. If your certain."

"Very certain."

"Okay, what else do you need to do?"

"Finish Aria's birth record and send it away." He says. "I have to call my manager Jenny. I also have to call my band mates, Callie, my record company, I have to fire my tour manager. I have to get a list of schools to send Savannah to. I have to look at arrangements for the kids. Look at a new houses…."

"I think we have enough for now." She says. "These are the important things for now and the others you can gradually look at." She says. "I'll get a list of schools that are close to your home for now and I'll chose some homes that I think might be good. You know what? The one across the road from me has just gone on the market?"

"Really?"

"5 bedrooms." She says.

"Is it the one that I have loved? The one that Meredith loved?"

"Yes." She says.

"You don't have to do all this for me."

"I like to lighten your load."

"Thank you so much." He says kissing her cheek and rubbing her belly. "I'm going to go and see Aria."

He left Meredith's room and wandered down the hallway to the NICU. He scrubbed his hands and walked to her bedside.

"Hey baby girl." He says stroking her finger. "You're looking stronger today baby girl." He says as she grasps his finger with her hand. He smiles softly. "We're going to be alright. Everything will be fine." He says.

He takes Aria from the crib and settles her in his arms, kissing her forehead and rocking her gently.

"You know what, when Momma is better and you are better we're going to go and live in LA where the sun shines all day long and where we can go for walks along the beach every sunrise and sunset. We'll get a dog who will greet us with kisses and which will protect you and play with you. You'll have Savannah and Jack to chase around. Your mother will always sing you lullaby's to help you fall asleep and she hold you tight in her arms when you're scared. I'll be there to catch you when you fall and teach you how to play the guitar. We're really gonna be fine." He says kissing her forehead again. "The five of us."

Carolyn stood outside the NICU with Jack, Savannah and Michael. Michael squeezed Carolyn's hand and smiled at her.

"I think you kids are going to fine." Michael says shifting Jack on his hip.

"I think you all will be too." Carolyn says. "Even if it's a bit crazy at the moment you will all be happy."

"Happy!" Jack says clapping his hands.

**Things will turn around slowly for the family. **

**Thoughts and reviews would be great.**

**I'll try and update when I get a spare moment.**


	12. Chapter 12

_April 12__th__, 1996, Lakeview, Washington_

"_Derek you have to come and see this." Meredith says to the 10 year old Derek._

"_What? What is it?" He asks as he is dragged into Meredith's house towards the room that was off limits. "I don't think we are allowed in here."_

"_Derek its fine. I asked Mom what was in the room and she said it's a surprise for me. She took me in there and showed me." She says. "You have to close your eyes though."_

"_Oh Mer…"_

"_Do it Derek." She says._

"_Fine." He says and closes his eyes._

"_No peaking until I say."_

"_I know." He says._

_She turns the door handle and they enter the room. She guides him towards the surprise and grabs his hands and places them on the cover of the keys._

"_Now open them." She says._

_Derek opens his eyes slowly and in front of him is a beautiful grand piano._

"_What? Since when?" He says as he runs his hands over the cover._

"_Mom said that it came with the house and she thought it was taking up a lot of space and wanted it gone but Dad convinced her to leave it here because of how beautiful it was. So she kept it in here locked up gathering dust because she didn't want us kids to touch it." She says. "I've known about it for a while now and if I'm lonely I come and sit in here and imagine."_

"_It's beautiful." He says. His interest in music had started to grow hugely since he was 7 and asked to take guitar lessons. He was musically gifted and this is what he wanted to do when he grew up. "Can I play it?" He asks._

"_Sure." She says._

_He lifts the cover to show the keys and plays the keys._

_The two of them had shared an interest in music since they were young. Meredith would always sing along as he strummed at his guitar and she never thought anything of it but he told her that she had a good voice. She was never interested in pursuing music as her dream. She just wanted to be a teacher._

_She sat down on the stool with him and watched him play._

"_Where'd you learn how to play?"_

"_At my music teacher's house she has all these instruments and she lets me play them occasionally. She says I'm really gifted and that I can pick up any instrument and play it but I don't know."_

"_Go and get your guitar Derek."_

"_Why?"_

"_I wanna sing." She says._

"_Okay. I'll be two seconds." He says getting up and leaving the room. _

_She turns to the keys and starts playing the melody that he had been just before. He comes into the room and stops dead in his tracks._

"_You can play?" He says in shock and she just smirks and continues to play. "Since when?"_

"_Since forever. You're not the only one who gets lessons."_

"_Who from?"_

"_My mother." She says smiling. "She says that I have been playing the piano since forever."_

"_So all those times you told me you weren't allowed in here, you actually were?"_

"_Yeah but I wanted to wait until I was confident enough to show you." She says. "Let's play falling slowly."_

_He smiles to himself and starts strumming she starts following him by playing on the piano and he just smiles even more at the fact that she was truly talented and the fact that he was blown away by her. She was amazing. Beyond amazing and the dreams that he had in his head changed. They changed to incorporate her._

…

Derek sat at the grand piano and remembered that stormy afternoon. He remembers when they were only young and discovering their limitations.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah baby girl." He says. They had come home a couple of hours ago leaving Kathleen and Nancy at the hospital to sit with Meredith and Aria while their kids came back to Carolyn's for dinner and to spend some time with the family. Savannah and Jack had gone home with Derek and Amelia with Amelia needing an afternoon nap.

"I have a song that I want to play."

"Do you?"

"Yeah it's one that Momma wrote when I was a baby. She taught me the tune and I found the lyrics just then." She says. "Momma said she wrote it when she was sad."

"Well come on then show me how it's done." He says smiling at her.

Savannah climbs up beside him on the stool and places the lyrics in front of her and takes a deep breath before starting the tune.

_I've hardly been outside my room in days,  
'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.  
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,  
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades._

_June 3__rd__, 2009, Lakeview, Washington _

Meredith sat on the back porch late that night. Savannah was sound asleep and Derek was on the other side of the world. She couldn't describe the feelings she was experiencing and she felt terrible even 6 weeks after the refusal of Derek's proposal. She never imagined herself to turn down Derek. The man of her dreams like that. She always pictured herself marrying him and living in a nice house with a bunch of kids and where they would make music for the rest of their lives. She felt guilty for turning him down so harshly and felt she didn't deserve anything. Especially the sunshine.

Their hands would be taught to not hold another.

"And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together, our hands will not be taught to hold another's, cause we're the special two." She sings to herself as an idea comes to her mind.

She sipped from her glass and picked up the pen to write her feelings down and in a matter of ten minutes she had written a song about the guilt of her actions and the guilt of what could happen. She read over the song she had composed and felt somewhat better despite the growing pain in the pit of her stomach. She stood up from the chair and went and sat before the piano constructing a piece of music to compliment the song and there she developed a tune and began to sing.

'_I've hardly been outside my room in days,  
'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.  
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,  
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades._

When you're young you have this image of your life,  
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.  
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,  
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.

But I will fight for you,  
Be sure that I will fight  
Until we're the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,  
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,  
'Cause we're the special two.  
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together,  
These arms will not be taught to need another's,  
'Cause we're the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me  
That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.  
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,  
And couldn't see this place could soon become my hell.

So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?  
Well, I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.  
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,  
But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not let you down  
'Cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,  
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,  
'Cause we're the special two.  
And we could only see each other we'll breathe together,  
These arms will not be taught to need another's...  
We're the special two.

I step outside my mind's eyes for a minute.  
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease  
Or something that could ease the pain.  
But nothing cures the hurt, you, you bring on by yourself,  
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...

When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,  
Our hands would not be taught to hold another's,  
We were the special two.  
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,  
These arms would not be taught to need another's,  
'Cause we're the special two.'

She sat in front of the piano not moving. Her body numb from guilt and sadness and that is when the tears fell from her eyes for the first time since she had been back in Lakeview. She pulled out her phone and read the daily message from Derek.

_Hey Mer and Vannah. Just touched down in London to do some writing. I'd love to see the two of you over here. It'd be nice to have some familiar faces around. Hopefully I'll see Savannah in two weeks cause I miss her smiling face. I miss you too Mer. Anyway I'll speak to the two of you soon. I love you two very much. Xx_

She wiped the tears from her eyes and picked up her sheet of music and went and filed it away so no one would read it.

…

_And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,  
These arms would not be taught to need another's,  
'Cause we're the special two.'_

Derek had tears in his eyes after listening to Savannah sing Meredith's song. The paper was dated to 2009 when they had their hostile split with no communication for a few months.

"Did I play it wrong?" She asks.

"No."

"But you're crying?"

"It's just a beautiful song." He says. "Your mother is amazing." He says.

"She really is." Savannah says beaming a big smile.

Derek checks his watch and sees what time it is.

"I think we have time for one more song. Don't you think?"

"Yes Daddy." She says.

Amelia had ventured into the room with Jack and they came and sat down on the faded red couch and listen to the music being played.

'_I got you  
You know I heard you say  
You blossomed  
Into a beautiful day  
Your sunlight  
Keeps shining on my face  
And I would see it  
Even in deep outer space_

_And all in time  
You know I'll see you again and again  
And every night  
I'm going to hold you and hold you and then  
Before the light, I will rescue and then we'll begin  
To start it all over again_

_I love it  
And how you clear my way  
Guide me  
Into a brand new day  
In your eyes  
You know I've found my place  
You see you  
You are my saving grace_

_And all in time  
I'm going to see you again and again  
And every night  
I'm going to hold you and hold you and then  
Before the light, I will rescue and then we'll begin  
To start it all over again_

_Don't ever want to miss you  
Don't ever want to forget you  
The way you are...today_

_And all in time  
I'm going to see you again and again  
Every night  
I'm going to hold you and hold you and then  
Before the light, I will rescue and then we'll begin  
To start it all over again'_

"Daddy can I play some more for you after dinner?"

"Of course Van." He says as they leave the house.

"Did I play well?"

"Yes you did."

"Did I say the words right?"

"You sang them beautifully."

She smiled more and grasped her father's hand tighter.

The house next door was packed with children running around everywhere. The older kids got the younger kids riled and they were zooming around the house screaming and yelling.

"Why do they do this the first day they get here?" Carolyn says frustrated.

"I'll get them." Derek says walking from the kitchen into the living room. He watches as they dodge each other in a mad rush. He claps his hands together loudly knowing this always got their attention.

In that instant the kids stopped dead in their tracks and turned slowly on their heels to face their uncle.

He stands there for a long moment staring down his nieces and nephews.

"We're sorry Uncle Derek." Bella says.

"Now dinner is ready and I want you all to take a minute and calm down because you will drive Nan and Pop crazy and you will not get dessert." He says. "So I say you march into that kitchen quietly and use your manners and then file out of the kitchen in a nice manner, take your seat at the table and eat. If you all do that nicely than I promise I will have a jam session with you after dinner." He says.

The kids all nod their heads and quietly file into the kitchen to get their dinner.

"Why do they listen to you?" Michael asks.

"I have no idea." He says.

"You bribe them with music and dessert though."

"It works." Derek says shrugging his shoulders and heading back into the kitchen.

"Are you heading to the hospital tonight?" Michael asks him.

"Maybe for a few hours. See Aria and Mer. See if there has been any change."

"Well I can do the night shift tonight." Michael says.

"You don't have to dad."

"It's the least I can do." He says patting his son's back.

Sharing a huge family dinner and after a round of cleaning up Derek ran off some energy with the kids outside while the sun was still out and then brought them inside as the sun was setting for dessert.

All his family was here. 14 kids were under this roof. 4 sisters and 4 brothers' in-laws. His parents were here. His kids were here. Two out of his three kids were here. His newborn daughter and wife were recovering in the hospital and missing out on this family affair.

Derek sat with Jack on his lap and they listened to the bickering coming from the women. With even the older nieces having their say.

Jack looked to Derek with a confused look on his face and Derek smiled back down at him.

"You're gonna have to get used to it." Derek whispers to him.

"Oh no." Jack says.

"Uncle Derek can you play now?"

"Of course." He says standing up with Jack and carrying him to the living room and plopping him down on the couch.

He retrieves his guitar as everyone gathers in the living room. He seats himself down on the stool. He smiled widely knowing how much the kids and his family loved hearing him play. They all sat wide eyed following his fingers strumming along the strings and were lost in another world as he sang.

"What do you want to hear?"

"Whatever you want to play."

He had had enough of sad songs. So a nice catchy uplifting song was needed to fill this bright family.

"Well you all have to sing this with me."

"What is it?"

"You've got a friend in me."

He starts strumming at the strings and he notices his whole family standing there watching him and he felt like he belonged. The only two people who were missing was Meredith and Aria. He smiled to himself and watched as the kids waited for the lyrics to start.

'_You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
When the road looks rough ahead  
And you're miles and miles  
From your nice warm bed  
Just remember what your old pal said  
Boy, you've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me _

_You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too  
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you  
We stick together and we see it through  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me_'

He looked around at everyone singing and having a great time. A knock at the door came and he watched as his father left to answer it and he continued to sing with everyone else.

'_Some other folks might be  
A little bit smarter than I am  
Bigger and stronger too  
Maybe  
But none of them will ever love you the way I do'_

He watches as his father comes back and pulls Carolyn away. He was a little unsure at who it could have been.

'_It's me and you  
And as the years go by  
Boys, our friendship will never die  
You're gonna see  
It's our destiny  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me'_

His family clapped and smiled and he smiled even more.

"Another song." His nephew Adam says.

Derek smiles and thinks of another song to play. He looks up at the hallway and then back down to his guitar.

'_Sweet disposition  
Never too soon  
Oh, reckless abandon  
Like no one's watching you  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh  
A kiss  
A cry  
Our rights  
Our wrongs  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh_

So stay there  
'Cause I'll be coming over  
While our blood's still young  
It's so young, it runs  
We won't stop 'til it's over  
Won't stop to surrender

Songs of desperation  
I played them for you  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh  
A kiss  
A cry  
Our rights  
Our wrongs  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh  
A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh

Stay there  
'Cause I'll be coming over  
While our blood's still young  
It's so young, it runs  
We won't stop 'til it's over  
Won't stop to surrender

Won't stop 'til it's over  
Won't stop 'til it's over  
Won't stop 'til it's over  
Won't stop to surrender'

With another clap from his family he smiled more and then saw his mother poke her head into the living room.

"Derek, can you come here." She says.

"Sure." He says. "Vannah you come and play." He says handing her his guitar.

He walks across the floor to the front door where his father is standing talking to a man who looks the same age as his father. The man he recognized but he couldn't place from where. He tried to rack his brain for where he had seen this man and his brain started to replay memories from when he and Meredith were small. He remembers part of the memories but one of them was a fight between Ellis and a man about commitment and Ellis demanding he leave the house.

Then he knew who was standing on the porch. A man no one had seen in 23 years. The man his daughter asked him about on the drive home from the hospital.

"My, Derek you've grown." The man says turning his attention to Derek who is at the doorway.

"What are you doing here?"

"Derek, Thatcher is Meredith's father."

"Was."

**A bit of a blast from the past. **

**The immediate effects will happen in the next chapter and Carolyn and the rest of the family find out about Jack's paternity.**

**I'll try and update when I have a free chance.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Meredith's home, Lakeview, April 1990_

"_Found you Derek." Meredith says peaking under her bed to find Derek squeezed under there hiding._

_He smiles at her and then crawls out from under the bed. "Your turn to hide." He says._

_Meredith runs from her room and across the floor of the upstairs hallway. _

"_Your commitment to me, to your children is poor. It's all about your stupid work and your stupid trips!"_

"_It is not. I love you all!"_

_Meredith found herself at the bottom of the staircase holding onto the railing and forgetting about hiding. Her father was home from his trip away. She rarely saw her father. _

"_You don't even love me anymore. I know about your girlfriend. I know that she is having your baby. You have never loved me or the children!" _

"_I have so. They are my life!"_

"_The day I told you about being pregnant with Meredith you didn't even smile or did I ever see a sparkle in your eye. I saw nothing. You don't even pay her any attention because you feel she is an anchor and she is keeping you here. You see Thomas and Lexie as the same!"_

"_I love my children. They are not anchors. I love them with all my heart."_

"_Thatcher, Meredith is 4 years old. You have been so distant during her growing up. She asks me if you even love her. Do you?"_

"_Of course I do."_

"_What is her favourite colour?"_

"_It's Purple." Meredith says to herself._

"_Found you." Derek says to her._

_But Meredith doesn't move. She stays with a firm grip on the railing and a her eyes glued to the kitchen. Derek notices what is going on and he stands beside her with a firm grip on the railing._

"_Pink."_

"_No. You don't even know her. Her favourite colour is purple. Wake up to yourself Thatcher!"_

"_You're telling me to wake up. You're the one working 12 hours a day. At least I'm home."_

"_Every month for 3 days."_

"_I am home longer."_

"_You are not. Lexie and Thomas have asked me so often if you are dead. They are only kids and they are asking if you are dead. They have accepted that you don't love them at all. You have no commitment to this family anymore because your heart has fallen for someone else."_

_There is silence for a few moments. A dead silence._

"_You know what. Leave this house now." Ellis screeches. "You're doing us all a favour. Get in your car and don't ever, ever come back. We don't need you guilt and your moodiness. We don't need your girlfriend turning up on the door with her baby in her arms asking for a place to stay. We need closure and we don't need some ungrateful bastard in this house. I do everything for you and those three beautiful children. I work to provide and I still manage to be home for them and tell them how much I love them. You have not told me that you love me for more than 4 years. I have not heard that word from your mouth."_

"_You're not the perfect mother. You never wanted children."_

"_That was when I started out working. Things changed when I held Thomas in my arms. I was in love with this child and I wanted more to share my love with."_

"_You're not fooling me Ellis. You don't love these children."_

"_She does." Meredith says quietly._

"_Thatcher, leave this house. Get in that car and never come back." She says and the door to the kitchen slams open with her following Thatcher. She stops him from opening the door and stands up, close to him. "And don't you ever question the love I have for my children. Ever, ever again because you don't know anything about me or these children. You fail in marriage and you failed your children. They'll be glad you are gone." She says opening the door up and slamming it behind him._

_She stands for a moment in the hallway and takes a few deep breathes. She looks up at the stairs and notices Derek and Meredith scurry up the stairs. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. She didn't want the kids to see that. She headed up the stairs and went straight into Meredith's room and knew where they would be hiding. She knelt down on the ground and looked beneath Meredith's bed and saw two shaking bodies._

"_Meredith, Derek come out here." She says with a warm smile. "Come on." _

_The kids crawl from underneath the bed and she sits down on the edge of the bed with both kids sitting either side of her._

"_I'm so sorry you two had to see that." She says. "I'm sorry for everything Meredith. You know that I do love you."_

"_I know Mommy." She says._

"_I love you and Lexie and Thomas so much. My love for you all is the whole universe. I hold all that love for you inside my heart. I hold as much as I can and that love is endless. Your father doesn't understand how beautiful you all are. I am lucky to have you in my life despite what he says. He will never love you like he said he would."_

"_I don't even know him Mommy."_

"_I know. He hasn't been here for you at all but from now on it will be me. I will make time for the three kids and even you Derek." She says rubbing his arm. "You all are so special to me and one person will never take that love away from me. Things will be better from now on. I promise you." She says kissing both of their foreheads. "And that memory of what happened; I know is confronting but I don't want you all to remember it negatively. It's time for change and that change happened the moment the door closed." She says embraces the two kids tighter. "I love the two of you so much." She says kissing them again. Derek wasn't her biological son but until she left this earth, he would be her son as much as his sisters would be her daughters and Carolyn would count the three Grey children as her own. "So, so much."_

…

"Derek, what you said…" Michael says to him in the observatory. "The man could lose his daughter."

"You don't think I know that. I do dad but he lost the right to call her his daughter the moment he left that house 23 years ago. He didn't even know Meredith's favourite colour or her bedtime story. His commitment to that family was zero and Ellis did everything she could for him to be in their life but he never met her halfway. He packed up and moved across the country when Ellis told him to go and he didn't go with a fight. He left without saying anything. I remember that day Dad and I know that Meredith was never his little girl. She was just someone tying him to the family. He doesn't deserve to knock on our door and beg for forgiveness. He doesn't deserve to know anyone because he never wanted this family. You should send him on his way."

Michael looked at his son. He didn't understand what had gotten into Derek and he wanted Derek to grow up big time.

"You go and tell him." Michael says. "You tell that man whose daughter is so sick to leave Lakeview. You tell him that he is not allowed to pay his respect to the family. You go and tell him that Derek. Go and be a rude bastard and tell him to leave this house."

Derek looked at his father and shook his head. "No. I didn't know that man. You knew him for nearly 10 years. To me he is the man who left his children behind. The man who never loved his children. This is your house and not mine. You go."

"I think living the life of the famous has gotten to your head Derek. You are not the same man who left this town 10 years ago. You are ungrateful and rude. You are a coward as well. Grow up and be a man Derek! You have three children and you're acting like a child yourself. You haven't been home in 5 years and you barely call and you barely visit. You always made Meredith drop your daughter off and you'd never do the decent thing and come and pick her up and take her. You are all about the lifestyle of the rich and the famous and you don't even give us a second thought. You walk around like you own this place and your throwing orders around for others to do your dirty work. You want a reality check? Go and do something for yourself for once and not let your assistant do it. Grow up and be a father." He says. "I bet you won't even go and tell your mother that you fathered Jack!" Michael says looking at his son. What he did was mean but he knew Derek needed a reality check.

"Your Jack's father?" Carolyn asks from the doorway in complete shock and turns and leaves.

Derek shakes his head at his father. "Fine then. I will but you better tell Mom about Kristen. Your other daughter because that is a 27 year long secret and mine is only a 2 year secret. Mom deserve to know this more than about Jack because one day Mom will run into Kristen and she'll find out." He says bitterly and then storms out of the room.

Michael stands in the room and stomps his foot on the ground. He picks up one of the balls in the room and throws it in anger.

Thatcher was currently sitting in the kitchen with Kathleen and Nancy while things were being sorted out.

"So how have you been?" Kathleen asks.

"Good. I've been living in Boston with my wife and kids."

"You have other kids?"

"Yeah three. Molly, Ian and Nina."

"Derek what happened?" Amelia asks as he leaves the observatory. "We heard lots of shouting."

"Dad happened to blurt Jack's paternity while Mom was standing in the doorway."

"Well she just headed upstairs to her room. I'll go and talk to her.

"No don't because in dad's words 'I have to grow up and do things for myself'." He says looking down the hallway. "I'll go and check on Ma. Can you keep an eye on the kids? Make sure they are distracted."

"The men took them outside. They don't need to be in here listening to screaming matches."

"You may need to call Lexie and Thomas and let them know."

"I will Derek. You go and talk to Ma. I'll call them and then talk to dad."

"Don't bother. He'll come out of his senses." He says and races up the stairs.

He looks in the bedrooms to see if he can spy his mother and he finds her sitting in Derek's room sitting on his bed. He enters the room slowly and sees her staring at a picture.

"Ma?" He says quietly and approaches her. He takes a seat beside her and sees that she is looking at a photo of Meredith and Jack.

"Never since I have lived here in Lakeview has a secret been kept. Especially from my own family." She says. "I mean growing up you all told lies and things but I would eventually be told the truth and now for nearly 3 years you have kept this secret from me. Why?"

Derek scratches his head trying to think of an explanation.

"I did have my suspicions and she never said once that Craig was the father. Never. She was quiet and I understand why. People would come up and congratulate her and say their condolences. I knew the two of them were divorcing. I read that letter and I understand that she never told him about the pregnancy. Never told his family or friends. She just kept it a quiet one because she was hiding the identity. Things match up now but I know that the date of conception fell with the time Craig left but Meredith did leave with Savannah for a week so I now have suspicions over that. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Ma, I literally only figured this out Monday morning. I looked at him and I knew that right away he was my son. She never told me I was his father. She never hinted at all. I just assumed it was Craig's. I have raised him as my own Ma because he deserves a father."

"You slept with a married woman Derek."

"I was comforting her Ma. She was my best friend. In my eyes I saw her as my best friend who was upset and I knew I needed to comfort her. Sex has always been a comfort for us. And I'd do anything to help her feel better even if it's against all wrongs."

"Still Derek."

"I know Ma. I'm a disgrace. I am being serious that I didn't find out until I got here and she told me because she was frightened that she would die without telling me the truth. It took her so long to tell me because Ma she was scared of what would happen. She had every right to not tell me and I don't blame her for being scared at what would happen."

"How do you not know that Jack isn't Craig's?"

"He is infertile and she never slept with him for those weeks leading to his departure."

"He was infertile?"

"He sure was and when Meredith came and saw me I cheered her up. I took her to the recording studio and cheered her up. I assumed she was on birth control so I never questioned it."

"Your father knew before me?"

"I assume Meredith told him or he guessed for himself."

"I know his words were harsh but he really does love you. He wished you were here more to consider your family."

"But I did. Meredith was going to move with me to LA after Aria was born. She really was. I made sure I saw Savannah every chance I got but I never came and picked her up. I flew Meredith and her to me and I never done the fatherly thing and actually drove here. I have gotten too caught up but this is the life I signed up to live. I have made sacrifices and I have incorporated Meredith and the kids into my life. I make no apologies of not being here. We made it work and it worked well and she was finally going to move to LA with me after Aria was born."

"I know she was. The Friday before the shooting was her last day at the clinic. She had resigned from the clinic and she offered Thomas and Lexie the home but they didn't want it. The house has only just gone up on the market Derek. She was looking into schools and jobs in LA. She had a list prepared and even houses for you all to live in. She had been in contact with Amelia and Amelia had faxed her plenty of info. She was looking at working in another clinic once she moved to LA but she then thought that maybe you and her would be on the road together again. She was preparing for that move and she was ready."

"She was always so unsure about it."

"No, she was sure. When she came back from dropping Savannah off she was in the best of moods. She said that she was leaving for good and finally living her dream. Whatever happened while you were in Boston she was ready to live the life you lived."

"I pulled her to the stage and she sang with me and she received an encore. She was on such a thrill that she jumped into my arms after the set and she kissed me and said she was moving to LA with me. It had been a question she had on her mind for so long. She finally said yes."

Carolyn smiled and then grabbed another photo. "Are you definite that Jack is yours?"

"I am."

"Well from the moment I saw that tiny bundle of joy I knew that he wasn't Craig's. He was yours because of how alike he was to Savannah." She says. "Craig had brown hair and brown eyes. Meredith had green and Jack has blue. He has your blue eyes."

"The eyes can't lie."

"They never do and now you have the responsibility of getting to know Jack and being his father." She says. "You also have to face Thatcher."

"Why do I have to? I mean yes he is my wife's father but he walked out 23 years ago."

"Derek, he did try to get into contact with the kids but Ellis would never have it. She had put her foot down and what Ellis decided, was what we followed. Thatcher gave up after a while and your father and I would watch as he climbed back into his car and drive away. He would come by three times a year and was always turned away. He stopped when you and Meredith were 8. He tried but he never succeeded. He is here now to finally say sorry and apologise for what he did to her and send his regards to the kids. He knows that you two are married and he know about the kids. He wants to visit Meredith and say goodbye and sorry to her before heading back to Boston tomorrow morning. Give the man a chance to speak and he'll be on his way."

"Why didn't you tell us this?"

"Because there was never the right moment and Meredith didn't care about him. She had her own family and she soon forgot about him. He tried to love her but like Ellis said, they were the only things keeping him around. The kids. He couldn't love that woman and those children when he had fallen for someone else."

Derek squeezed his mother's hand. "I would have told you when I found out for sure."

"I know you would have Derek. Just from now on be that man that your father wants to see in you. He is proud of you. He was just caught up in the moment."

"It's always the case." He says and stands up and heads down the stairs.

He found Amelia sitting on the bottom of the stairs chewing her nails.

"Thomas and Lexie can't get here right now. They'll get here after dinner and Dad has gone out for a walk."

"Okay. Go up and see Ma. I need to talk to Thatcher and be that man Dad doesn't see in me."

Amelia stands up and heads up the stairs. Derek clears his throat and walks into the kitchen and sees it empty.

"Where is he?"

"He left."

"What? Where did he go?"

"His headed back to Seattle."

Derek grabs a set of keys and climbs into the car and drives trying to find Thatcher. He was just out of town when he sees a car pulled over and a man on his knees, cradling his head. Derek pulled over and ran towards him.

"Thatcher."

Thatcher urges Derek to leave him alone. "Leave me. Your family doesn't want anything to do with me."

"That's not true. It was just a huge surprise seeing you turn up. We haven't seen you for 23 years and you decide to show up now. We were surprised because never in those 19 years after you left did you ever try. Ever again. Meredith became a mother and she grew up so beautifully. She put her dreams on hold to care for Ellis who was sick. She did all of that. She accomplished so much in her short 27 years she had so much more to accomplish and I know that deep down she wanted to see you again just to see if your life turned out well. Even if you didn't love those three children you tried and I know that you did actually love those children enough to walk away and not be a burden. You walked away."

"I had to. I was forced from my home and I never tried. I became lazy and I did get my girlfriend, who later became my wife pregnant. I couldn't be in that home knowing the mistakes I made and the kids didn't need me or my mistakes. I didn't know their favourite colours or bedtime stories. I was a pathetic father."

"Some people aren't meant to become parents and when they do they try and mend and adapt but these children weren't meant for you. The kids you have now are the ones for you. Those ones grew up well considering they had no father. They adapted and they truly turned out fine without you. Don't call yourself pathetic because no matter what they would have been fine."

"But hated me."

"Well the best thing was leaving them. You loved them enough to leave them and let you live a life of happiness. Ellis yes was a hard driven woman but she helped the children succeed and grow. They all finished school with high honours and as Valedictorians. Thomas and Lexie went off to college in Seattle and later came back home to marry and raise their children. Thomas found himself a small fortune in Law and works around town as a lawyer and heads to nearby towns. He is on the local council and Lexie found a fortune as being a workaholic but she is working via correspondence doing her medical science degree. She often heads to Seattle to do lectures at the unis and things. They both have three kids each. Harry, Ally, Cooper, Gemma, Jarred and Conner. They are real family people and they did well."

"What about Meredith?"

"Well she was going to come to LA with me and we were going to get signed together with a record deal but she stayed here while Ellis suffered from Alzheimer's. She got a job in the local clinic and became the medical receptionist. She could have become a doctor, she's that smart. After our third baby was born she was going to relocate to LA with me and the kids and we were going to live and see the world together and have the kids see everything. But that has been put on hold until she hopefully gets better and our baby is out of the NICU."

Thatcher wiped the tears from his cheeks and pulled out his wallet and showed Derek a picture.

"These are my three. Molly, Ian and Nina."

"They look so much like Meredith."

"They do. They are very smart. Nina has just finished high school and she's starting college in the fall. Dartmouth she is attending and she's doing a medical degree. Ian went off and he is in his law degree and Molly attended college but she found the man of her dreams and she's now married with my first granddaughter, Laura."

Derek looked at Thatcher and understood what he meant by first grandchild.

"It's better this way. I don't want to intrude in the kids' lives now. I'll live my separate life and if they want me then they can contact me. If not then I don't mind."

"You would really do that? Leave in the middle of the night so no one saw you?"

"I would. I walked away on them. They don't need me to walk back in on their lives again. It will cause too much heartache. I've paid my respects to your family and now it's time for me to leave." He says climbing into his car.

"Thatcher." Derek says. "Why don't you visit Meredith. It will mean a lot to me if you go and see her because it may be the last time you see her."

He climbs out of his car and hands Derek an envelope. "Tell Lexie and Thomas that I am sorry, I am glad they are well and I wish them luck for the future. Give them this to read." He says. "As for Meredith, can't pain myself to look at her beautiful face because it will cause me all kinds of guilt and sadness. If she knows that I was there in her room she'll be mad. She doesn't deserve to have me say goodbye to her because I ruined her idea of the perfect family growing up and the sleepless nights for years to come." He says. "She doesn't deserve to be in that hospital bed missing out on her family. She is beautiful. I wish the two of you luck with your family and your success in music and I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did with mine. I've seen you play and you are brilliant. Meredith is brilliant as well. I was in the audience the other week when you pulled her and Savannah to the stage. I shed a tear at the brilliance of talent they have. Go and be a father to them and I wish you good health and luck." He says. "Meredith is strong. She'll bounce back in no time. My brother's own foolish actions cost him his life when he was young. Meredith didn't deserve to be shot because she was a mother. My family have even told me that." He says and climbs into the car and leaves off into the darkening sky.

Derek stood there and watched the headlights disappear into the far distance. He climbed into his car and headed back to the house. He got out of the car and looked up at the sky and he found himself lying down on the front lawn and just looking at the darkening sky.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" Savannah asks him.

"Looking at the sky." He says.

Savannah comes and lies down beside him and looks up at the sky. Jack lies down on the other side of him and Derek smiles at Jack.

"The stars are beautiful Daddy."

"They are." He says. "The stars I believe will always guide you home."

"How so?"

"If you find the brightest star in the sky and follow that you'll find yourself back home to your family. The stars never let you down." He says.

'Star Light Star bright,  
The first star I see tonight,  
I wish I may, I wish I might,  
Have the wish I wish tonight."

"I wish that Momma gets better and Aria so we can live our adventure."

"I wish Momma was here." Jack says.

"I wish for good health and luck the moment Mommy gets better and we travel the world, following the stars." He says kissing both of the kid's cheeks." I will tell you one thing though, this grass is still soaked from the slip and slide. The water from the ground is soaking my clothing."

"You can wash your clothing Daddy. It's not very often that you can lie down, take a moment and admire the stars." Savannah says. "Mommy would always say to take a moment and appreciate the small things in life because they could be gone."

"And because you sometimes get so caught up in your life that you forget the beauty of nature, like the flowers or the stars. And it's not that often when you can lie down on the grass and see the whole night sky without buildings blocking it or lights. Here is a great place to see the stars but from the river, the stars are beautiful there."

"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the first wish I wish tonight." Savannah says once more. "Get better soon Momma."


	14. Chapter 14

Derek felt the mattress shift beside him. He opened his eyes slowly and above Savannah's mass of hair, he watched as Amelia lay down beside Savannah. Noticing the time he was confused.

"What's wrong?" He asks her in a hushed whisper.

"I couldn't sleep. The baby won't stop moving around and I have so much going through my mind." She says. "I just thought for a nostalgic experience I climb into your bed like I used to when we were younger and we just don't say anything, we lay down beside each other and our breaths comfort us more than words do." She says with a slight smile.

He smiles slightly and reaches over and squeezes her hand that rested on top of the covers.

"Thank you." She says.

"What are younger brothers for?" He says before watching her close her eyes and snuggles up to her niece.

"I'll be her surrogate mother for tonight." She whispers. "She hasn't had her mother's snuggles for a long while and she deserves a motherly feel. I have the baby bump and make it feel like Momma's snuggles."

"Thank you." He says.

…

That morning after breakfast at his mother's, he gets up and departs the house before going next door to Meredith's. He had paperwork and a notepad to start writing up a plan of attack and how he'd spend his few hours alone.

He couldn't sort through Meredith's things because he didn't know what her outcome was and he didn't know how long she'd spend at the hospital if she did wake up. So for the time being he could do what he could at the moment and deal with the others later on.

He opted to the quietness of the study and had his music on shuffle to drown out the eerie silence that had overcome him. He felt a huge dark cloud of uncertainty following him. He hadn't grieved over Meredith being in the hospital bed trying to stay alive and with his daughter in the special care nursery fighting to get that little bit stronger so she could finally meet her new world. He knew he'd be overcome with emotions once things finally moved forward. Aria off the breathing machine and moved from the special care nursery and Meredith finally overcoming her injuries, waking up and walking out of the hospital doors to breath in the fresh air and travel to the coast to live the rest of her life.

He stared at the list that he had constructed and started with the first thing on the list.

Fire Vic Bastoni and hire Miranda Bailey back as his tour manager. He dialled the manager's office and asked to speak to the boss.

"Hi, its Derek Shepherd." He says.

"_Derek, I've been meaning to get into touch with you but I knew that since you were back at home and with everything I just thought I would wait awhile." Steve says._

"Thank you, it means a lot." He says. "I'm calling regarding Vic."

"_What did he do?"_

"Let's just say that the jackass of a man abused me for my choice in cancelling."

"_Did he?" _

"I mean he didn't understand my situation."

"_I know Derek. He doesn't understand what personal lives mean. I do. He doesn't do feelings or anything and in his books it's not okay to deal with situations that don't relate to money. I understand and I have supported your decision in cancelling the last few gigs. You had your wife shot and now recovering in the ICU and you had your daughter born prematurely. The shooting of your wife is a cruel circumstance and I understand that finishing off the concert wouldn't have been great. You're supposed to end on a high note and I know that you would have had so much going on that you would not have enjoyed it. So for one we all supported your decision. Vic is just a man of business and he sometimes doesn't understand that I am his boss. He has had many complaints and the one coming from you really pushes him to the firing line. I'll have a talk to him as soon as I get off the phone."_

"Thank you." He says. "I didn't want to do this after the great things that you have done for me but I am pulling out of my contract with you guys. Vic really turned me off wanting to deal with you and don't get me wrong you are a great agency, I just can't deal with you all after having such a bad experience and after Vic stripped me of so much money. I'll be talking to my lawyer about that money and those 'necessary payments' he demanded from me for the concert when in fact it went to his fancy boat and cars. My lawyer will be in touch with Vic regarding that money."

"_We know what he is like. We only discovered yesterday that we have millions of dollars missing and that money seems to be pissed away on fancy parties and cars. He shall have his desk packed up and he will be gone. I'm so sorry for this Derek. I hope you have success and a better time with that other tour manager you sign and it was a pleasure doing business with you. You take as much time out to deal with your personal life and get your family settled. I will expect a visit from you as soon as you return to LA. My deepest regards are with you and your family in this time and I hope to see you on the road again."_

"Thank you for everything Steve. I'll sign papers as soon as I can regarding the cancellation. I'm glad you understand. I'll definitely stop by with Aria. You'll like her a lot. Bye Steve." He says hanging up. He puts a huge cross through the first thing and then goes to the next.

_Ring Miranda Bailey and ask if she has a spot in her agency for him._

He dials Miranda's number and waits. He is directed through the many lines and is on hold for a few minutes before a beep sounds and he hears her voice.

"_Miranda Bailey."_

"Miranda, it's Derek Shepherd."

"_Derek Shepherd." She says pausing for a moment. "How are you?" _

"I'm good."

"_Your family? Your wife? Your baby girl."_

"We're getting there day by day. Meredith is still in her comatose state, they operated on the contusion and we just have to sit back and wait. Aria is recovering fast and we're hoping for her to be taken off the breathing machine she is on now to just the oxygen. Hopefully we'll be on the road headed home to LA to start our lives together."

"_You're moving to LA with the kids and Meredith?"_

"I am. That's where she wanted to live once the new baby was born and she wants us to follow our dreams and live the LA lifestyle and travel the world." He says. "That's why I was calling as well. My old tour manager, Vic Bastoni…"

"_Oh yes that rude bastard, tried to shut down this business and run me out of this town after stealing from me. For all he knows is that he has a bunch of lawyer's on his case after what he has done to this agency. I've talked to other artists and I find out that he has been stealing from them too. Even from his own workplace."_

"You're not alone in that. He has been doing the same from me demanding extras when really I have not signed for any extras. My lawyer is getting a call right after you." He says. "I was wondering if I could be under your agency again."

"_Derek Shepherd wants to sign again? I thought you were after bigger things?"_

"I am and I now know that the 3 years I was under your agency things were better prepared better publicity for tours and gigs and you drove me towards the success that I always wanted. You're a hard working woman. Your career driven and you made me grow up and do things on my own while you were doing the necessary things behind the scenes to make things run smoothly. I would be honoured to be under contract with you again and maybe have another great run."

"_I could have a contract drawn up and emailed to you right away for you to take a look at. It doesn't have to be signed right away either, I'll wait until you are settled back here in LA."_

"Thank you Miranda. I know you didn't want to deal with my personal life but you understood that I was a father and I had other commitments other than just my music. I still managed to do both and I am grateful that you never pushed me to breaking point. I know that everything is a little messy and I will promise to call you with more info soon and I hope never again in my life to cancel my tour after a family emergency."

"_Derek you're allowed to cancel because of what happened. No one is judging you and your career won't be in ruins. Vic was only in it for the dollar signs and I'm in it for the long run, happiness, music and love. Money does come with success but I think that having that happiness is better than money." She says. "Take your time and spend that precious time with your family. I'll call your other agency for details on your last tour and for other details to see what Vic did to nearly ruin your career. I'll talk to you soon Derek. Take care and love your family with all the love you can hold in your heart. My regards for you at this time. I'll see you soon." She says._

"Bye Miranda." He says and hangs up feeling slightly better and that dead weight of nearly having his music career ruined because of Vic leaking things to the media, making Derek do all the hard work of promotion and publicity.

Especially with Jack's paternity being known to Derek he knew Vic would have gotten his hands onto that news and linked the info to the media to cause another scandal for Derek.

Vic had been the one to sell one of Derek's songs to another contracted musician without Derek's knowledge until Derek tried to get the song green lighted for his album but was rejected considering he 'sold' it. The artist went off to reach number one, received a 5 times platinum on the song and win song of the year unknown to the artist that the song wasn't meant to be sold and Derek never receiving his earnings on the song as Vic happened to need money for a promo for Derek.

That resulted in a lengthy court case that found the other artist sued by Derek for using the song and never receiving the earnings when really it should have been Vic being sued.

He was also the one to realise private images of Derek and Meredith's marriage to a magazine without permission and telling Derek and Meredith rightfully that someone else must have gotten their hands on the images.

The statement of the two of them expecting a baby the day after they found out from the doctors.

Derek also knew deep down he was the one to cause the affair rumours earlier on in the year with Jenny while he was touring and Meredith at home in Lakeview. It caused a headache for Meredith and caused Derek to be chased after by the paparazzi wanting to know if the marriage was like the other Hollywood relationships breaking down after only 8 months of marriage between Meredith and him.

The controversy started for Derek has all be false rumours caused by one person who had millions of dollars appearing and a speed dial number to the press.

Derek was glad he had fired Vic and would make sure to get Jenny to finalise a press realise regarding the cancelation of the contract.

But Derek wasn't the only artist who was used, Vic nearly ran half a dozen stars into the ground and they couldn't leave the contract until 5 years was up. He wouldn't let them leave partway through the contract. Derek never signed that contract. He was under management with them but he never signed the contract that Vic presented him. He signed the contract Steve presented to him. 2 years of management with them and if Derek was unhappy and wanted to go a different direction Derek was allowed to leave at any time with a huge fight starting.

He looked at the next thing on his list and saw that he had certificates to finish filling out. Aria's birth certificate was nearly complete, all Derek had to do was finishing filling it out.

He filled in addresses, parent, sibling and marriage info. He slipped it into an envelope and it was ready to be sent off.

He had a strange feeling that he might have to sit down and fill out a death certificate and it caused a huge aching inside of his chest.

The aching caused him to drop the pen and fall away from the certificate, pushing himself away from the desk with shaky and sweaty hands. His body was shaking and tears were pooling in his eyes. He was in absolute guilt. Was this what grief was? He didn't know. The last person he grieved for was Ellis and that was over 5 years ago. He didn't grieve or feel like he did right now. He felt as if he was suffocating from this overwhelming feeling.

"_Derek what do you think death is like?" A 14 year old Meredith asks Derek late one night._

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_Well what if I was gone tomorrow? How do you think people would feel? How do you think I would feel as a dead person?"_

"_Nothing because you'd be dead."_

"_Derek I'm serious." She says._

_He stays silent for a moment to think and ponder on what to tell her. He didn't know much about death because he hadn't experienced it before. _

"_I think death itself becomes a final resting point for people. They are allowed to be free and do what they want to do just not on earth. For the people who lost you I think it's a hard time. They go through life unsure at what has just happened and they don't know how to move on and be the person they were before. They don't know how to live without that person. I know that it's hard to try and go through days were sometimes you can't even get out of bed and days when you have a good day. No one knows until they go through that grief and mourning period. It looks different on all of us. I say death is hard." He says. "And if you died." He says rolling to his side to look at her. "I don't know how I'd live without you. You're my best friend and I want us to live forever. Your death would be tough on me. I think I would try and bargain to have you back on this earth and for me to be in your place. I don't know if I could ever accept that you had gone because you not being on this earth is like a starless sky. There would be nothing beautiful to ever look at and it would be a constant eyesore."_

_Tears were pooled in her eyes and she reached out and grasped his hand. He entwined his fingers with hers. "I can't promise this but if I could then I would never die. I would be your best friend until we are 113 and we would have seen the world together. I don't ever want to leave your side or this earth without you with me. I'm sorry if I do die though."_

"_Let's not think about death Mer, we will deal with it when it happens." He says kissing her hand. "Let's think about the times we will spend on the road together, singing, fighting, laughing and exploring. No death talk, ever."_

Derek rubbed his temples with his fingers trying to calm himself. Everything was too much. He realised that right now he had taken on too much on his plate and he wished he didn't but these things he had to take care of and be that man his father had wished for. He had to do these things even if it caused Derek's heart to ache.

He filled the death certificate in another envelope and found the local paper in the pile of things. It was yesterday's paper and on the front page were the pictures from Preston Myers funeral from Thursday. Mark Fields had been yesterday. Derek skipped through the paper and found the death, funeral and birth notices.

He found a pink birth notice on the page.

_It's a Girl_

_Aria Grace Shepherd arrived on Sunday afternoon to parents Derek and Meredith. Amongst the tragic circumstances Aria is welcomed by older Sister Savannah and Brother Jack, Grandparents Michael and Carolyn Shepherd, a niece for her many Aunts and Uncles and a new cousin. A great Granddaughter for Bev Maloney and Great Great Granddaughter of Bill Shepherd. _

_Our little lioness that is getting stronger and stronger each and every day._

He pulled out his phone and then dialled a number. He knew all too well that this person wouldn't pick up but it was a chance at hearing her voice and somewhat talking to her.

"_Hi this is Meredith, sorry I missed your call. If you leave a short message and number I'll get back to you. Bye."_

"You'd love her so much Mer. She looks so much like you." He says. "She's only 5 pounds and a week old but my god she has so much personality already. I know she is looking for you and I know that I'll have to remind her of who you are everyday but I don't mind. She's going to have your attitude and your personality. She's still on the CPAP machine but there is hope that in the coming week she should be off. She would be 36 weeks today if you were still alive and very close to be due. We can only hope. I miss you as well. I have to go. Stay well. Bye."

He hangs up his phone and then notices it flashing telling him his voicemail is full. He knows who it is but to be safe he decides to listen.

He had 16 voicemails and he listened to 14 of them that were from his music family. Number 14 was from his mother telling him to call when he gets a chance and then the next one surprised him.

_Message received at 11:17 am._

_I'm sorry for that frantic call. One last thing. I apologise for never accepting your proposal 4 years ago. I really did expect you to propose and then I walked away in fear. I did want the life with you and Vannah and I never should have married Craig. I never loved him as much as I loved you. He knew it as well. I'm so hung up on you it's like a freaky teenage crush. If I survive we are coming to live with you in LA and we'll live a happy life. Bye. I hope to see you soon. Love you._

_Message received at 11:15 am._

_Derek, I'm scared. I can hear gunshots. I wish you had picked up. I wanted to talk to you one last time. Oh god. I love you so much. I wish this wasn't the last thing you heard from me but I think it might be. It doesn't sound too great out there. If I don't make it tell Savannah how much I love her. Tell Jack how much I love him if he and your mother make it. I apologise if bubba doesn't make it. I'm so sorry. I'll be strong but remember how much I love you. Bye._

He wondered why he never got the voicemails. Maybe because from the time he got off stage he had other messages on his phone and he was in a hurry to return home. It didn't change a thing but maybe, just maybe if he wasn't busy when she called he would have picked up and said a farewell to her or told her that she would be fine, no matter what.

If only he could go back in time. Even if they could both go back in time and change a lot of things then maybe the outcome would be so much different. He had hoped for a better outcome.

…

_An overwhelming grief made him slowly stagger into the study. A glass of scotch in one hand his phone in the other._

_He was waiting for a phone call to tell him that his wife was coming home. A phone call that he'd been waiting for 3 weeks._

_He sat at the desk and saw a headline and noticed two obituaries below it._

_Fourth shooting victim found dead in forest._

_The fourth shooting victim from the early shooting at the diner has died after a tragic circumstance. After finally waking up from her coma her personality had changed and she couldn't recognise her two older children or husband but recognising her newborn daughter. The victim later disappeared from the hospital unknown to the staff with her sick newborn in her arms fearing that her newborn wasn't getting the best attention the victim took off from the hospital and into the woods nearby. Where it is believed that the victim tried to cross a fallen tree over a river where she lost her footing and fell into the freezing temperature of the water with her baby. She found refuge on the bank of the river and held her newborn daughter close to her body and watched as the breath of the baby started to speed up and in her arms the baby tragically died after being removed from her oxygen hours earlier. The victim was later found with the baby clutched to her chest with a stick penetrating into her chest causing a fast death. A local walker found the two of them on the bank deceased and raised the alarm. Authorities reached the two and called time of death. They were later identified as Ms Meredith Grey and her daughter Aria Shepherd. A note was found on the nightstand of Ms Grey's hospital room stating that she didn't recognise any of the faces and wanted to start a new life with her daughter. She couldn't bear seeing the sad eyes of the man who was her husband or the eyes of her other children. A life away from the spotlight was much needed and a new start. An investigation is happening following the escape from the hospital._

_Grey, Meredith Elizabeth_

_April 17__th__, 1986 – June 28__th__, 2013_

_Tragically passed away June, 28th, 2013, aged 27 years Devoted and loving wife and best friend of Derek, much loved mother of Savannah, Jack and Aria. Beloved daughter of Ellis Grey (deceased) and Carolyn and Michael Shepherd. Beloved sister of Thomas Grey and Alexandria Sloan. Loved Aunt of her 18 nieces and nephews and loved member of the Grey, Shepherd and Lakeview family. Watching over us with her love, beauty and happiness. _

_Goodbye isn't forever._

_Shepherd, Aria Grace_

_June 10__th__, 2013 to 28__th__ June, 2013_

_Tragically passed away in her mother's arms on June 28__th__, 2013 at only 18 days old. Loved daughter of Derek and Meredith(deceased). Loved sister of Savannah and Jack. Beloved granddaughter of Michael and Carolyn Shepherd. Love by all of her aunties, uncles and cousins. Taken so soon but never forgotten._

_Aria – Lioness, one piece orchestra. _

Derek jumped from his dream and looked around the room. His breath was pitched and his heart was racing.

He looked around from the bed and noticed he had fallen asleep in Meredith's room. He must have fallen asleep after being engulfed in her smell and that dream he had just had didn't make any sense but frightened him to a whole new level.

He sat up and swung his legs to hang over the side of the bed and he braced himself. He didn't want to walk into her room just yet because of all of the memories they had had together in this room but he was drawn to her room for a feeling of closeness. Just the smell of her was enough to reassure him that everything would be fine.

He still needed to head to the hospital to visit Meredith and Aria and he would do so when he was content that everything was under control for the time being.

He eyed her room and noticed how messy it was. The way her room also was. Clothes sprawled everywhere, papers and books all over the place, shoes in random places. There were even Jack and Savannah's belongings in her room. The basinet had been stowed away to the corner and baby things were starting to pile around the room.

It wasn't just her room anymore.

It was everyone's room. She wasn't a mother who would put her child back to bed if they came and climbed in beside her. She would let them lie beside her and kick her out of the bed. She didn't care because Meredith was for bonding 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And because Derek was hardly there is was a comfort thing for her to have the kids surrounding her.

He then found a folder opened on her desk. He flicked through the paintings and pictures, the paper and then found song lyrics, poems and stories written by her. People really didn't realise how talented she was. Underneath that he found a notebook full of lyrics and he'd be sure to take that with him to the hospital to read to her and Aria. He would also touch the room up to feel more like home.

He found an empty box and started to fill the box with personal items she had loved.

He noticed her hamper was overflowing and he grabbed the t-shirt on top of the pile and raised it to his nose and he was overcome with her familiar and intoxicating smell of lavender, summer and cocoa butter. He threw that t-shirt into the box to take to the hospital to wrap Aria in so she could be safely wrapped with the smell of her mother. She'd had her mother and father holding her at the same time.

He headed to the hospital to visit Aria who was now in an open crib. She had been taken out of her NICU because she could maintain her own temperature. Next step was breathing on her own and feeding from a bottle.

"Hey baby girl. Sorry I wasn't here earlier. You are looking very healthy and strong today." He says as he lifts her from her crib. "I have a little something for you as well. This is the best I can do for you Aria for the time being. No t-shirt can comfort you like your mother can but it's a comfort thing for the time being. You're Momma's smell is so intoxicating. She used to wrap your sister in her t-shirt she had worn that day and your sister would be sound asleep. So I hope this comforts you like it did for Savannah." He says to her. "So I thought that I could wrap you in your Momma's shirt while I held you and comforted you." He says wrapping the shirt around Aria. He had wished he could dress her in clothing and not let her stay in her diaper but he knew he would be able to dress her soon enough. "Momma will be able to hold you so soon baby girl. She's doing the best she can despite the circumstances."

He held her in his arms and rocked her softly side to side.

"You're here?" Kasey says entering the NICU.

"Yeah." He says.

"Derek. Aria is being taken off that breathing mask today and she'll just be given regular oxygen. As you see she in the special care nursery and from now on it's just to catch up on growth and development. She is still feeding through the tubes but I say in a few days you'll be able to bottle feed her for the first time. We weighed her today and she is 4 pounds 10 ounces. She's nearly 5 pounds." She says. "I think Aria will be home in less than a month. She's growing and developing well. You'll be able to debut her to your audience in no time." She says smirking.

"Really? That soon?"

"That soon. You better get that house bought." She says. "I'll stop by soon with the paediatric nurse and we'll take Aria off the CPAP."

"Wow." He says. "I didn't expect it to be so soon."

"Well she was 35 weeks when she came in. She was only a few weeks off delivery. She is only in here to catch up on growth and to be able to regulate her breathing and temperature. Temperature is regulated and her breathing is nearly successful. She's doing great." Kasey says leaving the room.

"Hear that? You'll be home soon." He says kissing her cheek. "I'm so proud of you baby girl."


	15. Chapter 15

_Los Angeles, Derek's Apartment, January 12__h__, 2008_

"_Mer, you do realise that you are accompanying me to the Grammy's this year." He says sitting down beside her on the couch, lifting her feet up to rest in his lap while he rubbed her swollen feet._

"_Derek, I am going to be 7 and a half months pregnant then." She says placing her hands on her stomach. "I won't be beautiful enough to attend an award show especially since you are nominated."_

_He continues to rub her feet and waits for the moment to say something so charming so that she smiles crazily and blushes slightly._

"_Meredith, you could walk down the red carpet in your sweats, with your hair pulled into a messy bun and with no makeup applied and you would be the most beautiful woman there. No doubt. You are going to walk beside me because you deserve to be nominated more than I do." He says smiling at her. She smiles at him and blushes like he knew she would. "I really do want you there, especially since I don't think I have a shot at winning and at least I will have you at my side to have fun with."_

"_Fine I'll go but you have to buy me a dress."_

"_I'll buy you whatever you want. You want a diamond ring? Sure, I'll buy you one. You want a new car, some fancy clothing. Sure. I'm here to spoil you until the end of eternity and I will never stop spoiling you. You have given me the beautiful gift of life and you have sacrificed your body for this gift. You've experienced nausea, mood swings, swollen hands and feet, midnight cravings and the repeated tiredness and exhaustion. I'll forever spoil you for the rest of our lives because I will never be able to find the right way to thank you for sharing your body." He says._

_She scoots down closer to Derek and grabs his hand and places it on her stomach._

"_I don't need to be spoiled. Having you and you bringing me here and flying me to and fro is spoiling me enough. I don't like being spoiled. Besides I don't mind sharing my body with this little person. We're becoming parents and I think getting the chance to love a child and bring it into the world is rewarding enough. You have found the right way to thank me and I never want to be made a fuss of ever again."_

"_I do want to ask you something else?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Come up and sing with me on stage. I've been asked to perform and they have an idea. They want us to sing 'Almost here' as I am releasing it just after the Grammy's and before the tour kicks off."_

"_You really want me up there singing? I mean this is your spotlight and time to shine. You should be up there with another female vocalist singing. I don't know how I'll go being that pregnant."_

"_You will be absolutely fine and you are the one I want to sing with. It's your song and you are the voice on the album."_

"_If you really want me there. I could get overwhelmed and stage fright."_

"_You won't. I assure you." He says grasping her hands between his. "You've done it before."_

"_Yeah but that was to a bunch of strangers. There will be my idols in that room. People I look up to and people who I always imagined I would meet. I imagined I would."_

"_Well now you will get to live that dream. If you don't agree to sing with me then I'll ask to not perform."_

"_You can't do that." She says. "I'll sing with you." She says. "I'll do it."_

_Derek embraces her with a huge smile on his face. "Thank you. You are going to enjoy it so much." _

…

_Los Angeles, Derek's apartment, February 9__th__, 2008_

"_Derek, I don't think my dress fits me." She says from the bed._

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_You heard what the doctor said, I've put on so much weight since my last check-up. I don't think the dress will fit me."_

_Derek came and sat down beside her placing both hands on her cheeks and smiling at her._

"_All that weight is healthy. It just means our baby is growing and is healthy. Why don't you try it on and see how it fits. If you think it's too tight then we can go next door to Trisha and she'll be able to make the adjustments. She offered us her help. I believe you'll be fine. You only tried it last week."_

"_But my appointment was two days ago."_

"_And it won't have affected a thing." He says kissing her cheek. "Go and try it."_

"_You can't see me in it though."_

"_It's not your wedding day." He says. "It's only a dress for a show."_

"_And I still don't want you to see me in it until tomorrow." She says. "And I have to make an impression on the people. I'm a nobody to them and you are a somebody. I don't want to be that pregnant lady who looked trampy."_

"_You're not trampy. You're beyond beautiful. The people will be impressed." He says. "Go on, I'll wait here while you try it on."_

_She gets up and heads into the walk in robe were she had it hanging. She slipped her pyjamas off and pulled the dress up over her body, zips it and straightens it out over her body especially over her bump. She captures herself in the mirror holding her stomach and smiles picturing what this little bundle of joy will look like and what it will bring to Derek and Meredith._

"_Hey Baby, __I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it. I hope someday you'll meet someone just like your father, so kind and caring and so full of love, that they make you smile and feel so beautiful like I do. I hope they do all the beautiful things to impress you and make you feel like the only person in the world. Your father has his ways to make my heart beat inside my chest a million miles an hour and to make me blush and smile. I hope you meet someone so special and beautiful that you'll finally experience that fairy tale love. That's my only wish for you. Be happy and healthy." She says._

"_Does it fit?" He says from the door._

_She smiles and then looks at herself once more in the mirror. "It surely does."_

"_What about your performance dress?"_

"_It fits. I tried that on last night." She says. "I'll just have to starve myself."_

"_Please don't do that." He says. _

_She shimmies herself from her dress and places it in the dress bag and zips the bag. She opens the door to Derek smiling._

"_Fairy tale love?" He says smirking._

"_I want our baby to experience that." She says. "The love that we experience with each other."_

"_I'll show you another type of love right now." He says._

"_Derek, we have to go to rehearsals."_

"_We can be late." He says grabbing her hand and leading her to the bed._

…

_50__th__ Grammy Awards Night, Los Angeles, Derek's apartment, 10__th__ of February_

_Derek stood fixing the cuffs of his sleeves and smoothing out his suit jacket. Meredith was down in the spare room having the finishing touches done to her hair and make-up. She had insisted that she would do her own but because this was the night of spoiling he had organised for people to come by and help her. She didn't deserve the stress of getting ready and being on time especially since she was about 7 and a bit weeks off delivering._

"_You look gorgeous Meredith." Mindy the make-up artist's says from her right shoulder._

_Mindy, Lucy and Paula were her hair and make-up team and Meredith couldn't believe how wonderful of a job they had done. Yes she was going to have these touch ups made before her and Derek took the stage to sing but right now she felt beautiful. _

"_I feel beautiful. Gorgeous not so much."_

"_You girl will be the most beautiful one there." Paula says as she pins the final curl up. _

"_I doubt it."_

"_One thing we have learnt is that the pregnant celebs get the most attention when attending award shows."_

"_But I'm not a celebrity."_

"_After tonight you will be." They all say._

_She smiles and then stares at herself in the mirror._

"_If you all say so." She says. _

"_Okay your hair is done." Lucy says as she sprays hairspray to her hair._

"_And your make-up is done." Mindy says. "Time to get you into your dress."_

_Meredith stood up and moved towards the middle of the room were the girls were waiting to help her. She undid her robe and Paula brought her dress over to her._

"_I may say that you and Derek are going to have a very gorgeous baby and if it gets his hair then, wow!" Lucy says._

"_Luce." _

"_It's true. Derek's hair and eyes, a good combo but even if the baby gets your hair and his eyes then that will be a gorgeous baby. You two have good genes."_

_Meredith smiles and rests her hands on her stomach and rubs it right were the outline of the baby's foot is._

"_Okay little one, time to be good for Mommy and let this dress fit." She says. "And no silly tricks tonight either."_

_The girls help her step into the dress and Meredith pulls the dress up over her body and Lucy zips the dress._

_She stands in front of the mirror admiring herself along with the girls._

"_I haven't seen the other woman yet but my, my you are the best dressed in my eyes." Mindy says._

"_Thank you." She says smiling._

_She smooths the fabric over her curves and goes and takes a seat to place her shoes on. The girls each fasten the jewellery to her body and grab her clutch._

"_We need to get pictures before Derek sees you." Paula says grabbing her camera. "Pose for us."_

_Meredith knew all too well that tonight was to be fun and to let loose and celebrate Derek so she knew that a few silly shots would be fun. They four girls laughed along with each other and toasted with their bottles of water._

"_I better let your date know that you are ready." Lucy says leaving the room._

"_You ready?" Mindy asks._

"_Yeah. I'm more than ready. Tonight is all about Derek and having a little fun before the baby is born. Even if he doesn't win he still gets to go up on stage and sing with me by his side, which is he so excited about. Even the baby is excited. The kicks I am receiving are crazing but feel so beautiful and are that little push to get me down that red carpet and inside the stadium and up on that stage to sing and play in front of my idols. I'm ready!"_

"_Good because you're going to blow their minds." Mindy says._

"_Come on let's go and see Derek's jaw drop." Paula says._

_They lead her out of the spare room and to the living room were Derek was standing talking to Lucy when his eyes left Lucy and moved straight to Meredith entering the room with her hair and make-up done and in a beautiful one shoulder, white silk gown that showed off her baby bump with empire-waist before ruffling across her belly to drape to the floor. Derek's jaw did drop when she entered the room._

"_You look… You look… Words can't even describe how beautiful you are." Derek says. "You're already the star in my eyes." He says smiling at her._

_She felt her eyes well with tears._

"_Hey, no need for those tears." He says._

"_These are happy tears. I'm full of hormones Derek. I'm allowed to cry." She says as she dabs her eyes with tissues. "Is my make-up still alright?" She asks._

"_It's perfect." Paula says._

"_The limo is here to take you two of you away. So enjoy and we will be watching." Lucy says opening up the front door._

"_Thank you." Meredith says hugging the girls before leading Derek out._

"_We'll lock up." Paula says to him._

"_Thanks."_

_After a drive across town they were stepping out onto the carpet. Derek stepped out first and then held his hand out for Meredith._

_All she saw when she stepped out were the flashing of the cameras and the crowds of people cheering and the celebs walking the carpet. _

"_Wow!" _

"_Pretty amazing, hey?"_

"_Sure is."_

"_It's a first time for both of us." He says. "Come on let's go and face this."_

_He kissed her cheek before the two of them headed down the red carpet slowly with Derek signing autographs and the two of them stopping for pictures and interviews._

"_Derek Shepherd, first time here tonight and first time nominated. You're nominated for five awards tonight, is that right?"_

"_It sure is. It feels so surreal that in a space of twelve months you've become a people favourite. I'm really honoured to be nominated, especially amongst some of the artists in my group. I don't mind if I win or not. I'm here to perform and have a nice night out."_

"_And also congratulations on the baby. How much longer?" _

"_About 7 weeks." Derek says._

"_You prepared for this new journey? The miracle of life?"_

_Derek looked to Meredith and the two of them shared a small smile._

"_We sure are. Mer and I are very ready to become parents. For the next two months we are going to spend some time together back at home in Lakeview and prepare for the birth and then we're coming back to LA for me and she and the baby are going to spend the next 12 months on the road with me. We're going to be like a travelling gypsy family."_

"_And one last thing before the two of you go, boy or girl?" _

"_We don't even know yet. So you will all know after we welcome our child into the world."_

"_Well good luck for tonight. We are all looking forward to your performance as well. Have a nice night."_

"_You too."_

_They continued the walk and they stopped and talked to more people about the tour, the album, the performance for tonight, their baby and those engagement rumours. Which they both dismissed as the two of them were up for the idea of getting married but they were in no rush with other important things to focus on._

_Meredith too was complimented on her dress and Derek pushed some of the interviews to focus on Meredith instead of him. They were wished on luck on the remainder of the pregnancy and for a healthy baby. _

_They stopped for final photographs and then headed inside to their seats in the second row. They sat down together and Derek talked to other artists who said a hello to him. Before the opening artist made her way onto the stage._

_Derek rested his hand on Meredith's leg and she linked her fingers between his as they sat there. She kept her spare hand on her stomach as she felt the baby kicking._

"_The baby is going crazy." She whispers in his ear._

_He lifts his hand and places it on her stomach and he feels the baby's kicks and movements._

"_It is at home, this is where it will be time and time again. Winning awards and performing on stage."_

_She smiles and kisses his cheek. "Thank you for tonight."_

"_Anything for you."_

_The opening performance ended and they listened to the host open the show and introduce the first presenters. _

_Derek was nominated for five awards tonight._

_Best New Artist, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Male Pop Vocal performance. _

_The first of his awards that we read out was the Best Artist. He squeezed Meredith's hand during the moments they announced the nominees._

"_And the winning of the Best New Artists is…. Derek Shepherd!"_

_Derek turned to Meredith and kissed her on the lips before rubbing her stomach and getting up and heading towards the stage._

"_This is Derek's first Grammy win, he is nominated tonight for four more awards and will perform later tonight."_

_He shook hands with the presenter and then accepted his award and stood in front of the mic._

"_I didn't really think I would have won anything tonight. I was here for just a night out with my partner and to have some fun. I would like to thank my fans who have followed me since day and bought my EPs and things when I was an unknown artist. I really do thank them for the promotion and getting my name out there. My manager, Steve, my record label, my band and crew. My mother and father and four sisters who have supported me throughout the years and let my dream come true. To my other Mother, who we lost in August of last year, you influenced my growing up and you allowed me to spend the time with your beautiful daughter who has shown me so much in my life. Meredith, I love you. You have never stopped supporting me and I am thankful. I love you and our baby so much. You're my heart and soul. This is for you and our baby." He says before leaving the stage. _

_He heads backstage and has his photos taken before heading back out to the front to retrieve Meredith so they can get ready for their performance. They help her change her dresses and fix her hair and make-up. Derek changes into his jeans and shirt and they stand out the back waiting for their cue._

"_You two are on." The backstage people say._

_They head out to the stage in complete darkness, Derek helps her to the piano and then takes his spot in front of the mic._

"_This next performance is the best new artist of the year. He is nominated for four other awards tonight and he is tipped at becoming one of the greats. His tour kicks off in May and he is here to perform with a special guest, a guest he pulls onto stage at his concerts regularly, his partner and mother of his future child. Please put your hands together for Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey with their song, almost here."_

_They receive the cue and Meredith begins to play the keys on the piano trying not to freak. She felt the baby's foot sticking out of her stomach as she played and she felt that she belonged._

'_Did I hear you right  
'cause I thought you said  
Let's think it over  
You have been my life  
And I never planned  
Growing old without you_

Shadows bleeding through the light  
Where the love once shined so bright  
Came without a reason  
Don't let go on us tonight  
Love's not always black and white  
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you  
You're almost here  
And I know that's not enough  
And when I'm with you  
I'm close to tears  
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world  
If I had a chance  
Oh won't you let me  
Treat me like a child  
Throw your arms around me  
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words  
Dazed and shattered now it hurts  
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you  
You're almost here  
And I know that's not enough  
And when I'm with you  
I'm close to tears  
'cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words  
Dazed and shattered now it hurts  
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you  
You're almost here  
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you  
And when I hold you your almost here  
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted  
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears  
'cause I know I'm almost here  
Only almost here'

_Derek looked at Meredith as they sang the final line and he waited until she finished playing and the audience started clapping. He smiled and went over and helped her stand up and the two of them bowed and smiled waiting for their cue to leave but their cue didn't come on straight away. The two of the received a standing ovation from the audience members and they just smiled big smiles._

"_See, they love you." Meredith says._

"_No, it's you they love. You're awesome." He says kissing her cheek._

_They exited the stage and changed again and took their seats watching the nominations take place._

_And for the remaining 4 nominations Derek sat holding Meredith's hand and listened and waited to hear his name and for those remaining four times his name was called as the winner._

"_Wow, best pop album, I really didn't consider myself to be a pop artist, I really consider myself a pushing the all types of genre boundaries guy. I just suppose I am associated as a pop artist. I have already decided my next album is going to be grunge." He says. "I though would like to thank Meredith and her co-writing and her vocals and her creative mind. She too I believe deserves to be up here sharing this moment with me because if it wasn't for her then I wouldn't have an album and I wouldn't be here tonight winning awards and being nominated. You saw her performance just then with me, I mean she is a talented woman; it was her and her very beautiful and amazing talents that have inspired me to be who I am. I hope for the next 50 years she inspires me more and more because that woman is very inspirational."_

_The he won again, the song of the year – Small Bump._

"_Three out of 5, is this a prank?" He asks. "Well this song comes from a very emotional time during my teenage years. A very delicate time for Meredith and I. I don't want to really get into detail about it without tearing up especially because of the beautiful thing that we have growing now. I would like to thank the producers and the people who contributed to the final product especially my band. Meredith, you got me to open up and write about this which I think helped release that weight that had been hanging on my shoulders and on yours as well. Even if I was teary eyed for 45 minutes while writing. It always seems that your phone calls help me compose these songs; I think it's just the sound of your voice, your vibe, your words and your influences. It's you who helps me get lost in this composing world and you who I want to compose with for these years to come. Thank you."_

"_Best Pop Male Vocal Performance, I think the people would be sick of seeing my face on their screens. I too would be sick of seeing myself up here. I don't really have much more to say. I just wish that I wasn't a solo act. I wish that that beautiful person I brought with me tonight had her name in the act and it would be the two of us up here accepting these awards together and not just me. You have been contributing a whole lot and I really would honor your name in our title. We would be calling ourselves the name we created when we were 11 years old, The SmallTownees." He says laughing. "Yeah the name needs some work. I hope that after tonight I can convince you to becoming my partner in crime Meredith Grey. Maybe we can have our baby play the drums for us? Thank you guys."_

"_And the Record of the year goes to…. Derek Shepherd, Wondering Minds."_

_Derek looked at Meredith who had a huge smile on her face. She leant in and kissed him and stood up and headed towards the stage._

"_This is Derek's 5__th__ nomination and 5__th__ win for tonight. Congratulations on all of your wins tonight."_

_Derek received his trophy and stood in front of the mic. This was the last award for tonight so maybe he could get away with telling the story of why he wanted to do this._

"_This dream, of this whole picture came from the wonders of a small child. Two small children actually. We were ten years old and it was a summer night. I had just discovered the week before that my best friend was amazing at the piano and we found another connection. She hid the knowledge from me that she could actually play and had known how to play for nearly 6 years. She just never mentioned it and kept it a secret. I then find out that my best friend is better than me at the keys and I am jealous. We were camped out in my backyard awake and we were talking about everything that ten year olds talk about and we said to each other that one day we would both win a Grammy each and we would be happy with one Grammy. Then a few years later Meredith tells me that when we finished school we would be headed to LA to live our dreams of becoming musicians. We would live from the back of my car and go around to record companies trying to get signed and we promised each other that someday we would. It was our pinkie promise. Just before we finished school we had our eyes on LA and the fame and the fortune we would hope to strike. Meredith didn't come over to my house but she goes up to our cup phones that we had installed when we were 8 and she starts talking to me and tells me that our plans are off. Her mother has Alzheimer's and she has to stay in Lakeview and care for her mother. I was devastated and I told her that I wouldn't leave without her but her being who she is told me that I had to do it because we hadn't applied to college and we didn't have a backup plan. So a week after school ended I packed up and left and a month later I was signed as a solo artist. I met my band along the way but I was missing that one ingredient. I think I realize now that my first three albums and EPs weren't successful because my writing wasn't successful. My missing ingredient was Meredith. I needed her with me to help me be that success that I dreamed of being. Meredith's mother tragically passed away from Alzheimer's in August last year. I looked up to her mother a whole lot but I worship Meredith. She sacrificed her dreams to care for her mother. I am so proud of what you have done and I am so proud of you. I know you are proud of me but I have nothing to be proud of. Yeah maybe I just won five Grammy's but it was thanks to you. You shaped who I am and without you I wouldn't be standing here. I am so pleased that I grew up with you and shared every moment with you. I am more than excited that we get to share the moment of becoming parents together. It's a big step for two small town children. So tonight I don't want you all to praise me but to praise Meredith Grey and her beauty, her talents and for giving me my next biggest role. Thank you to everyone for the support." He says wiping the tear from his cheek._

_Meredith had tears streaming down her face and she stood up and walked up the steps to the stage and embraced Derek as the closing band performed. He then handed her the Grammy to hold._

"_I don't deserve anything. You're keeping my Grammy's." He says._

_She doesn't say anything and hugs him once again._

_They headed home quite early that night, Meredith told Derek that he needed to celebrate his win and she would go home by herself. He told her that was nonsense and together they left the after party they were at. They walked through the doors of his apartment and he lined the awards up on the kitchen bench and they went and sat down on the couch with her feet in his hands._

"_Wow heels at this stage in pregnancy are a killer." She says._

"_Did you have fun tonight?" _

"_I did. It was amazing and fun. You won 5 Grammy's."_

"_No, you did as well."_

"_No, you won five Grammy's. Derek will you just realize that it was your name they called those five times. It was you, yes I may have helped but it's your night. Not mine. So let's celebrate the fact that it's your night."_

"_You'll have your night one night as well." He says kissing her cheek._


	16. Chapter 16

"And Aria, that was the night I won the first of many Grammy's. I still tell your mother it was her all along that helped me win because the quality of her voice, her writing and her way of thinking outside the box really helped develop that album. I couldn't go past that night without mentioning her in every speech I made. It was the right thing to do." He says to his daughter who was curled in his arms. "And I even made her take home three out of the five because those awards were all her. None of me."

Aria's eyes stay locked on him the whole time and he smiles down at her and kisses the top of her head.

"And yes you did get to go to the Grammy's this year. You were tucked away in Momma's stomach. You weren't even a bump yet but you were there. So I promise next year we'll take you along with your brother and sister and you can watch the magic unfold and see what Daddy and all of he's peers do for a living because it's quite magical. The atmosphere of the lights, the music, the artists and the fans all in the same room. Its spectacular and I know a normal life is wanted for you kids but I feel as if you kids will be experiencing this for the rest of your lives."

Aria slightly closes her eyes and Derek places a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Your mother was absolutely gorgeous the night of her first Grammy's and the look on her face when she saw the artists she had grown to love was amazing and those people where the ones who came up to her after our performance and told us how wonderful we were and she was star struck and I had to remind them that it was her first Grammy awards and they smiled and wishfully told her the first of many and it was. I've taken her to 4 out of 6 and she had many of the other artists say hello and tell her how much they loved her performance. She performed a solo on the piano, with Savannah sitting on her lap and with me playing the guitar beside her when Vannah was 11 months old and she received a standing ovation. A song that really showed off her range and pitch and nonstop for the next month were people calling her up asking for her to be on their next album or record companies asking to sign her and she brushed them off and said she wasn't interested in that at the moment. She was in it for the fun while Vannah was still a baby and she was happy to just contribute to my music making. I reminded her that she could start her dream but she told me that her dream was to be happy and healthy with her family and maybe one day join me on the road." He tells her.

"I hope that she does join me on the road and we can travel the world and be one big happy family and she can experience what I do now than when I first started off in the music industry." He tells his now sleeping daughter. "The night she played solo with Savannah on her lap was like any other day. Savannah was always soothed with the sound of the keys and she would stop, listen and watch. It was the way I would calm her down if she was having a rough night sleeping or if she missed your mother. I would play the piano with her on my lap and she would sink into this state of comfort. That night at the Grammy's she did exactly that. We weren't planning on taking her out on the stage but a crying fit changed those plans and your mother carried her out to the piano with tears still falling from her eyes and the moment she sat down on the stool Savannah's tears stopped falling and she went into her state of comfort and just watched her mother play the keys and didn't move but her eyes did become droopy and she was almost asleep by the end but made sure she was awake to receive her applause like she had for the last 11 months. She was a sucker for the attention especially big crowds. Tours she would crawl around backstage in angst of wanting to go out on the stage with your mother and I. We'd put her earmuffs on and she'd be happy to come on during the acoustic set and sit on your mother's lap while I played and she sang and lap up the attention from the audience and the gifts thrown onto the stage." He tells her. "I'll make sure you get to experience this when you are healthy and I will debut you to my concert goers and let you wear the earmuffs and experience the audience."

He places her back inside her crib and rubs her forehead softly for a few moments before leaving her room. It was early and the hospital patrons were still sleeping in their rooms. He's children were at home still asleep with their aunt.

He entered Meredith's room and walked to her bedside and kissed her forehead softly, placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her lips.

"Aria is doing well this morning. She was a little unsettled but a good story about our first Grammy night settled her and she's fast asleep. I think she's keen to go to next years or maybe even the AMA's." He says laughing.

He takes a seat beside her gripping her hand.

"Savannah gave us all an ABBA performance last night. It was quite cute especially her encore of Dancing Queen. She did have her aunties up dancing." He says smiling even more. "You know they can't resist ABBA."

He doesn't say anything for a while. He sits in the silence of her room. Hearing the beeping of the machines beside her, monitoring her breathing and her beating heart. The IV's bringing fluids to her body.

He felt his breath catch in his throat and he fought back the tears forming in he's eyes.

"Everyone is doing so well in staying positive about you. Like Savannah giving us an ABBA performance despite her not knowing if her mother is going to come home ever again. Jack asks me every night before he goes to bed if you're coming home and sometimes I don't know what to say. It's only been a week but it's hard to tell him that you may never leave this bed. Some nights I just hold him because I can't form any words. I know it's like I'm avoiding the truth but it is seriously hard to actually to tell him that you will come home even if you don't. Savannah has to be the one to tell him that you are getting better and stronger when I can't even form two words. She is so much stronger then I am and I just don't understand why I chicken out. It just goes to show your children have your strength and courage and I am just the weak father who can't tell his children the truth."

He buried his head on the bed and cried the pain of being in this position away.

He cried the stress of not knowing if she'd walk from this hospital alive.

He cried the pain he had for he's newborn girl being alone in the NICU with tubes and wires feeding her and helping her get stronger.

He cried for the fact that he wasn't there to protect his wife and daughter when the gunman tore through the restaurant and shot her because she was a mother.

He cried because he wasn't sure anymore.

He cried because he was stressed and felt alone. He didn't have he's best friend to talk to and give him advice like she did from the moment they started doubting themselves, the moments they were unsure and the moments when they felt it was just right.

He cried because grief was a powerful thing.

And he cried because today the judge was filed the charges against the shooter and Derek was nervous on what punishment the shooter would receive. Carolyn, Michael, Lexie and Thomas were headed to the district court in Spokane for the hearing.

But Derek was mad at so many people. He's father for never mentioning his other daughter, Meredith's father for dropping by but not staying to see her, the shooter, Vic, the media for constantly trying to gain access to the hospital and find out the condition of Meredith and Aria.

And himself for never doing all the things he said he would do and not be the man he's father says he isn't and protecting his wife and family.

"I just wish I had an idea at what was going on. I wish I knew what I could do to help you and Aria. I wish I knew." He says before rising from the chair and walking into the bathroom to clean himself up.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He could hardly recognise himself. He had let his beard grow. He had darkened circles under his eyes as if he'd been drinking nonstop for the past week when he hadn't touched a drop of liquor since Meredith found out she was pregnant with Aria. His personal hygiene was going downhill because of the many things going on with him.

He found toiletries left in here from his last week. There were spare clothes in a bag and a towel. He knew he needed to shower and shave after Savannah made a comment about it last night before bed.

"_Daddy, you need to shave because if Momma sees your beard she won't be happy and it tickles when you kiss me."_

He let the water run to hot and stepped into the hot water and let the water run down his body. He let the water spray his face for his body to wake up and knock some sense into him.

But he stood there and remembered all the early morning showers he and Meredith shared together before Savannah woke up and the thrills of having their bodies touch each other under the spray of the water.

He cleansed his skin and washed away the grief that clung to his body.

He knew he'd had so much to do in the coming weeks and knew that he needed to take care of himself to be healthy enough to take care of his family.

He turned the water off and wrapped the towel around his waist and stood over the basin and filled the sink with water to shave his beard from his face.

He heard movement from outside the room and knew it'd just be a nurse checking on her stats. The nurses knew he was there from the chair pressed to hospital bed and the guitar and from the fact he'd been there since the nightshift nurses were getting ready to leave the hospital for the new nurses to take over for the day.

When he thought about it, only time he let himself go like this was 10 years ago. When he woke early one morning to the sobs coming from Meredith who he thought was asleep beside her but she was sitting up on bed clutching her small rounded stomach.

_May 6__th__, 2003, Lakeview Washington, Meredith's home_

_Derek woke to the louds sobs of Meredith late that night. He saw the time displayed on her alarm clock reading 2:09 am. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes knowing that the lack of sleep wasn't going to do them any favours in the morning for school. _

_The two were home alone. Ellis had gone to visit Lexie in Seattle and Carolyn insisted that Meredith shouldn't be left alone for those few days considering she was only 17 years old, home alone and 23 weeks pregnant._

_Carolyn made sure the two were well fed with a dinner prepared before her shift at the hospital._

_The night went perfectly. They sat curled on the couch feeling the baby move and were talking about the future and what was to come. _

_Yes they really didn't plan on a child this young but plans never work the way two 17 years plan._

"_Mer are you okay?" He asks her moving beside her and turning the bedside lamp on._

_He noticing her clutching her stomach tightly, sobbing._

"_Mer?"_

"_Something's wrong." She says look up at him with glistening tears falling down her cheeks._

"_Are you in pain?" He asks touching her belly._

_She just nods her head._

"_Where?"_

"_Everywhere." She says. "And I think my water broke."_

"_It's too early though." He says stating the obvious._

_She doesn't move and her sobbing gets louder._

"_Come on get dressed. We'll call Dr Frankston." He says helping her up._

_As he looks over he's shoulder and doesn't see the clear liquid of her amniotic sac but dark red seeping into the sheets. The sight he wouldn't get out of his mind as it seeped into his memory to never be forgotten._

_He made the quick call to Dr Frankston who told Derek to get her in right away and Derek did so. He drove her to the clinic and Dr Frankston met them outside and got her into an exam room to see what is going on. _

_But Dr Frankston made him sit outside the room while he examined her because of her delicate state. He was assisted by a nurse, the nurse who helped deliver her into the world held her hand and stoked her forehead. _

_Derek didn't know what was going on in that room but he knew that as each passing minute meant it wasn't good news. He sat with his hands tightly pressed together staring at the wall opposite to him waiting for news. _

_When the door finally opened he looked up at Dr Frankston and watched as he quickly shut the door behind him to drown out the loud sobbing coming from inside the room and he knew it was not good._

_He stood before in front of the Doctor. The man who he admired so much. The man who he had known from the minute he entered the world. The man who he would later turn to for comfort and support in dire straits._

"_Derek." He says looking down at the young 17 year old boy._

"_Please tell me. I can't bear not knowing." He says. _

"_We couldn't find a heartbeat. I'm so sorry Derek but your baby is no longer with us."_

_Derek looks up at the doctor and then to the door._

"_We're going to have to break her waters and give her an epidural to deliver the baby."_

"_How?"_

"_We don't know. These things happen Derek. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be." He says. _

_An hour later she had been given an epidural, her waters had been broken and she was in the stirrups to deliver a baby that would never get to open their eyes wide to see the world. Never be able to hear the music of the world from the humming of the birds to the sounds of a beating heart. They'd never feel the earth beneath their feet and feel the sun on their skin._

_He held Meredith's hand as she delivered their lifeless baby._

_He watched her cry as the baby was delivered and placed on her stomach with no sounds being made. No gasps for air and no crying. He watched her take in every feature of this child they had created together. _

_And he remembered reading the baby book just that evening about the 23__rd__ week._

'_A development of sense and hearing. The baby measuring 11 inches long and weighing just over a pound, the size of a large mango. Her blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing with her ears picking up sounds , preparing for the outside world. The loud noises that become familiar won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.'_

_It was true, he's daughter was the size of a large mango. She looked like a baby doll just witj extra skin growing for the baby to fill into before birth. Her fingernails the size of a grain of rice. Her eyelids closed. Her eyebrows faintly appearing. _

_He remembers reading that losing a child before 20 weeks was deemed a miscarriage. After 20 weeks the loss of a foetus was a stillborn. Meredith and he had a stillborn daughter._

_He buries his head into her shoulder and comforts Meredith the best he can. He never planned for this to happen and he wish she never had to go through this._

"_I'm so sorry Mer. I'm so so sorry."_

"_I'm sorry to." She says quietly as she kisses his cheek and then her daughter's cheek._

_After an hour together he finally called his mother and Ellis and let them know what had happened. Ellis was headed home at first light and his mother would be at their side once she finished her shift at the hospital._

_Their daughter had been taken away for the meanwhile to let Meredith recover with Derek clutching her body tightly against his. _

_Once Meredith had slept she asked to hold the baby once more and she nursed the cold baby in her arms and whispered softly to her._

"_Derek she needs a name."_

"_I can't think of any names."_

"_It has to represent strength. She carried herself this far with great strength and she'll continue on with strength."_

_He doesn't say anything but holds the baby's hand before moving away from the bed and to the wall of the children's faces who Dr Frankston had delivered and treated in his 20 years of practicing in Lakeview._

_He's eyes set upon a girl who had tragically died at the age of 2 from drowning and he remembered her service quite well with the minister emphasising the word strength over and over again. _

"_What about Audrey Skye?" He asks looking upon the photograph of the girl whose name was also Audrey._

"_Audrey, you were taken away from us too soon but you know that we love you with all our hearts. We just simply have to accept that you are needed up there. Maybe we were foolish for thinking this would turn out like we had planned but that doesn't change a thing little girl. We'll hold you forever in our hearts and never forget you. We'll bring you siblings and tell them out you. We'll honour you and cherish the time we had together."_

_Derek took the baby into his arms and kissed her cheek with a lone tear falling onto the cold cheek of the baby._

_A knock came at the door and Carolyn walked through the door and went and embraced Meredith while he nursed the tiny reminder of what they might have raised._

_The next week became unbearable. Audrey had been taken away after Meredith said it was time. She'd be cremated with her ashes scattered along the river bank for her final resting place as this was where her parents spent all their time at. She'd be forever the part of her parents._

_They didn't attend school for the remaining weeks and Derek watched as Meredith cried in pain from her body aching and the tears from restless sleeps._

_Derek had barely been able to function and had to have his mother dress him and spoon feed him like a child. He would then sit on the couch staring at the wall for the full day with the family dog at his feet not moving but staying near his owner. His personal hygiene was forgotten about because his mother feared he'd try to drown himself in the bathtub or he'd slit his wrists with his razor. She seized the dangerous things and let him become unrecognisable._

_The exact week after Meredith lost Audrey, he felt a presence at his side and someone grip his hand. Meredith rested her tired head on his shoulder and they grieved together that whole day and she read him the letter she had wrote leading into the 23__rd__ week of her pregnancy._

_Baby,_

_I know, we need to find a name for you but we still have 17 weeks until you are finally here. Your dad and I didn't plan on you so soon. We had this whole plan in our mind that we'd finish high school and leave for LA. We'd be signed to a record label and that is where our lives would begin. Our first child wouldn't come until we were grounded and had a home and our career was doing well and we knew we would want change in our life. Our first child would most likely be conceived after a night of hard partying or that one romantic night where we would forget about the condom and a few weeks later we'd be made aware of the child on its way. _

_That was for then but this is now and all I can say is about this is plans never work out. You are a good part of this plan and you'd get to experience our career change and hopefully watch it take off the minute we see it take off. You'd be the little chubby baby sitting on our laps as we watch the managers decide on us as a duet but really they'd decide on us as a trio and whether we'd be moving to LA or heading back home. Baby, I am overwhelmed with all these emotions but I know you're right for your dad and I. _

_I know this next year will be a busy time for your dad and I but I make sure we'll spend as much time sharing our love with you. Showering you in kisses, cuddles and smiles. We'll take you to our favourite place by the river and we'll let you lie under the stars during summer and watch the bright stars shining with our future mapped out with the aligning stars. We'll take you for walks around town and we'll play our music for you while you lie in your crib and comfort you with your lullaby. We'll make sure we never abandon you and we'll forever hold you in our arms before you drift off in a deep slumber and whisper our endless love._

_A perfect day for the three of us will be showing you exactly what your father and I have done for the last 17 years. We'll lie for hours on the bank of the river, listen to the nature sing their songs, feel the breeze of summer air dance around us and smell the lavender from the nearby lavender fields. We'll eat our favourite foods, talk about our dreams for the future and we'll softly sing to you and create the music that you inspire us to write._

_My dreams, hopes and wishes for you Baby, is that you are healthy. You laugh everyday of your life especially at the silly things and you love the world as much as you can and see it as your sanctuary. The world will keep you safe when we can't but we promise that for the rest of our lives we'll protect you with the love and security and provide that sanctuary for you. I hope for a wonderful life together and I hope you never resent us for our actions and choices._

_Being a good mother for me is just providing everything I can to you until you can safely put your two feet on the ground and walk on. Getting you safely through your first 18 years of life and trying not to screw your life up. Being a good mother means taking things as they come, listening to the needs of my child, accepting that I will get things wrong and knowing that sometimes it's okay to ask for help. Being a good mother doesn't necessarily mean giving you all the luxuries the world offers but giving you the essentials: food, shelter and love. I'll offer you advice and my arms will always be here for when you need that comfort. From the moment I welcome you into the world will be the moment I provide a lifetime for you and I'll never let you go._

_To my dearest Baby, I'll forever love you. I'll forever get things wrong but I'll forever be at your side when you need me there. I love you baby and I promise you'll have a name, a house, love and the beauty of music._

_I love you Baby_

_The moment after she read that letter aloud he picked up his guitar and did what he did best._

_He comforted her with the beauty of music and sang to her a tune he had imagined in his head and the lyrics just fell from his mouth. It wasn't a sad depressing song it was a song about the hope that they would soon experience._

'_Sunsets over the beaches from now on  
Each day looking for new ways to go'_

"_Meredith this will be us. Next year we'll be watching the sun set everyday over the beaches. We'll have each other and that is all that matters." He says kissing her cheek softly. "Things will get better."_

…

'_Sunrise building a reprise in my heart  
Regret tight around my chest plays its part  
until its gone  
yeah, until its gone  
But to shower you with pity will do you no good at all, no good at all'_

Derek hums those five lines over and over again as he remembers that the last time he let himself get so bad be couldn't function just this time around his kids pushed him to function better and communicate.

He's phone buzzed from outside the room and he quickly splashed his face with the warm water to rid the remaining shaving cream on his face. He patted his face down with the towel and quickly got dressed.

He walked out to room and picked his phone up and checked the message that came through from Lexie.

_We've just arrived at Spokane. The media is going crazy waiting. The media is going crazy in interviewing persons outside the courts. Lucky you aren't here because they'd be eating you alive. Give our love to everyone. We are hoping to be home by dinnertime._

He closed his phone and went and brushed his teeth. He was glad he decided against going because like Lexie said, he'd be eaten alive by the press. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and watched himself brush his teeth.

"Derek." He hears and in the reflection he sees the owner of the voice and he dropped his tooth brush in shock.

Could this be a dream?

**Cliffhangers, you've got to love them.**

**Thoughts would be great.**

**I am planning on wrapping this story up soon to focus on my last 4 months of schooling and just focusing on Watch Over Me. **

**But I'll be sure to let you all know when the end is coming.**


	17. Chapter 17

_6__th__ of January, 2012, Derek's LA apartment_

"_Derek?" He hears from behind him._

_He turns away from the laptop and looks at a frazzled Meredith who is illuminated by the moonlight cascading through the windows of the bedroom._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Vannah's got a fever." She says as she crawls onto the bed. "And Jack, he's teething. I've just got the two of them down. I don't know how much longer they'll stay asleep before her fever spikes and Jack cries from being in so much pain from his teeth breaking through." She says with such desperation in her voice._

_He moves away from the laptop and climbs onto the bed beside her and pulls her into his arms._

_After spending a few days in Seattle they had headed back to LA after their Christmas break and Meredith was so determined Savannah caught her fever from the neighbour kid._

"_You should have gotten me." He says kissing her forehead._

"_You don't hear them."_

"_I do. You just beat me to them." He says._

_She shakes her head against his chest and he moves his arms up her back and brushes across her breast when she whimpers._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Jack, he latched on wrong earlier and he didn't latch he bit. He drew blood."_

"_He's like a vampire." Derek says._

"_I think the vampire needs to be bottle fed from now on. He is causing me too much pain while nursing."_

"_Well his 7 months old, he's fine to be weaned away."_

"_I know." She says. "I think to save the pain and spare my boobs he'll have to be bottle fed." She says._

"_Well I'll support whatever you want." He tells her with a small smile and places a kiss on her lips._

_They fall asleep in that tight embrace but are woken by Savannah who threw up all over their bed._

"_I'll strip the bed and get new sheets." Meredith says jumping up and stripping the bed._

_Derek comforted Savannah and picked her up to carry her to the bathroom to clean her up. There he bathed her and dressed her again and sat her down on the arm chair in the bedroom while he made the bed up and carried Savannah to their bed and laid her under the doona to sleep. He quickly hopped in the shower with Meredith to clean himself down and the two redressed and she climbed into bed with Savannah and Derek checked on Jack who was currently awake in his cot._

"_Come to Daddy." He says and presses the boy to his chest and moves side to side bouncing the baby to soothe him and he hums a tune to Jack to try and settle him. The baby seemed content with being in his father's arms. "I need you to do me a favour Jack." He says as he whispers the plan to the boy._

_Derek carries him back into the bedroom where Meredith was lying down beside Savannah, playing with Savannah's hair and rubbing her forehead softly._

_She looks up at Derek and Jack._

"_He wasn't asleep. I think he wants to be with you." He says._

_Meredith sits up in the bed and Derek passes Jack off to Meredith who she clutches to her chest before sitting him back to sit on her lap. Derek sits down beside her._

"_What do you have in your hand Jack? Can Momma have it?" She asks as she takes the object from Jack's hand and she gasps when she realised what exactly he is holding. "This is your mother's engagement ring." _

"_I know." He says smiling at her. _

"_Why does Jack have it?"_

"_He's giving it to the most beautiful woman in the world." He says. "He's giving it to the most beautiful woman in my world. He's helping me propose to his momma." He tells her._

"_Derek…."_

"_Meredith, we've been together for 25 years. You've been my best friend. You become my soul mate. You became the woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with. You Meredith Grey are the love of my life. Through everything we've still come out stronger than usual and there is no denying that together we are special. I know you've lost a husband and I know I can't replace him but Meredith I want to show you how to love again. How to laugh and smile but I especially want to see you stand by my side for the next 80 years. I don't want you to ever be alone and I want to call you my wife. Meredith, will you finally let me put a ring on it after 25 years of friendship and love?" He says trying not to crack at his cheesy last line._

_Meredith smirks at him._

"_Derek, you are the only one who I want replacing that empty spot. My heart is full of love for you, Savannah and Jack and I'll never be alone, if we decide to never get married I'll still have you beside me. I'll still have the kids. I'm forever yours." She tells him. "Derek you can put a ring on it." She says smirking even more and placing her left hand before Derek so he can slide the ring onto her finger. _

_She giggles softly and smiles and leans down and kisses him. _

"_What took you so long?" She asks as they embrace with Jack in between them._

"_Life." He simply says before kissing her cheek. _

"_Well for one, you taught me how to love. From day one." She says._

_He kisses her cheek and then kisses Jack's cheek._

"_If you don't like the ring, I can get it reset or you can pick out a whole new one." He says._

_She places her hand to her chest. "Derek, I couldn't do that. It's beautiful. I don't want to change something that's been in your family for many years."_

"_I feel honoured they you would keep it as it is." He says._

"_And maybe I can pass it on to our first son together when he meets the right girl." She suggests._

"_But Jack is our first son together. Biologically he may not be mine but Meredith he is already mine. You can pass it on to him." He says._

_She smiles again and the two lie down on the bed together. They sing Jack to sleep and they stay awake until sunrise talking about their wedding._

_Their wedding would be in late September. They would have a small backyard wedding in Lakeview with their family and friends and later on have the reception at the ballroom with most of the town invited. They'd hire locals to cater for their wedding and even ask the local dressmaker Betty Crain, town to make her dress because she was the best dressmaker Meredith has ever met. They'd hire the local photographer who they went to high school with Andrea Mackey. Frank and Annie who owns the bakery to provide a wedding cake. Derek would ask his band to come to Lakeview for the night to play with hopes that Calliope would attend to provide the vocals. They'd have local catering and hire everything locally. They'd have Savannah's flower girl dress made by Betty. They'd have Nina Press the family celebrant to perform the ceremony and have Jack and Savannah as the attendants and ask Lexie and Mark to sign as their witnesses. _

_Everything was organised down to the very fine details in a matter of a few hours._

_September 26__th__, 2012, The Grey and Shepherd residences_

"_Derek?" He hears from behind him and he turns and sees Meredith standing clad in her dressing gown._

"_What are you doing here? You know it's bad luck to see each other before the wedding." He says._

"_I'm not in my dress though." She says. "It's only bad luck if I'm in my dress."_

_He walks towards her and embraces her in his arms. "I missed you last night."_

"_I did too." She says. "It sucks not sleeping beside you."_

"_Well I did try the phone but it was engaged." He says with a smirk._

"_Well I must have missed your call. Your sisters must have had me preoccupied." She says._

"_Those sisters of mine." He says shaking his head._

_They stay embraced for a few more moments tightly pressed against each other. _

"_How'd you get over here? You know my mother is prowling the perimeter like a shark."_

"_That's when I put your daughter to good use. Your daughter wanted Nanna to help her fix her hair. She's a good little girl your daughter."_

"_Well she's learnt from the best." He says. "How much longer do you have?"_

"_A couple of minutes."_

"_Alright." He says and kisses her temple. He inhales the smell of her conditioner and then lets her go. "You need to finishing getting ready, get into that dress of yours and meet me at the top of the aisle." He says. "We're finally getting married today." He says._

"_We are finally getting married." She says and smiles at him. They share a short kiss and stare at each other. "Okay, I've gotta go. I'll see you in about an hour."_

"_I will see you in an hour."_

_She sneaks away from the room and heads back to her house and heads upstairs and passes Carolyn who is leaving the bathroom with Savannah._

"_Nanna fixed my hair Momma."_

"_It looks lovely." She says. _

"_I better get back to shark patrol."_

"_Carolyn you can take a break and get ready for yourself."_

"_Let me do one more round and I'll be back to help you get ready."_

"_Thanks."_

_Carolyn left the two alone and Meredith bent down and picked Savannah up and kissed her cheek. "Momma loves you so much." She says. "Thank you for doing that for me."_

"_It's okay Momma. Is daddy ready yet?"_

"_Not yet." She says. "He doesn't need long though to get ready. He's a boy, Momma needs a lot of time because she's got her hair to be done. Her make-up and to be put into her dress. But Daddy does take a lot of time to do his hair. It has to be perfect."_

_Savannah just giggles and wraps her arms around her mother's neck. "I'm so happy for you Momma."_

"_Thanks baby girl." She says. "Is Jack still sleeping?"_

"_No he's up. He's with Lex."_

"_Alright then. It's time to get this show on the road." She says to Savannah with a huge smile._

_After an hour of having her hair and make-up touched up and finished off Meredith was standing in the foyer of her house in front of everyone in her dress. Betty had been by to make sure everything fit and made the final adjustments and everyone in the room was in awe over her._

_This dress was so her. It didn't stand up on its own. It didn't push her boobs together. It just clung to her body perfectly and was simple and not over the top. A white silk garment with a sweetheart neckline complimented with beading. It was gathered to her right hip with an embodied flower and flowed down to the floor. It was simple and she felt more comfortable and beautiful than ever before. Her hair was lightly curled and pinned back to frame her delicate features._

"_You are so beautiful Meredith." Lexie says. _

_Meredith didn't imagine herself to be marrying for the second time but in her mind this wedding today should have been her only wedding. _

_Savannah was being helped into her shoes and Nancy fixed her hair again. She was clad in an ivory dress as well with a baby blue ribbon around her waist with simple beading and an embodied flower on the ribbon. Savannah's hair had two small braids pinned to the back of her head with tendrils of hair curled and out. _

_Savannah was Meredith's something blue. Jack her something new. Her mother's bracelet her something old and Carolyn's pearl earing's her something borrowed. _

_Meredith hugged Savannah tightly and the girls captured photographs of Meredith and Savannah and with everyone else. With no bridesmaids the sisters left the house to take their seats. Carolyn stayed in the house with Meredith for a few words._

"_You my dear, I am so glad you are doing this, especially to my Derek. He loves you so much and you've given him so much love and light. You're his inspiration and he would not be who he is without you today. You've given him Savannah and you've given him Jack. I know you and Craig were married but Meredith, you are so lucky to be marrying your best friend. You're marrying your soul mate, your true love, your prince. I know you're not into that but you've found what everyone is looking for. You've had that for 26 years. I am so proud of you and if your mother could be here today, she'd be proud to see you marrying Derek. We always wished for the two of you to elope and today you are." She says shedding a tear. "I am so proud of you and what you have done in your life. Your mother would be proud of you as well."_

"_Thank you so much Ma." She says embracing her mother in law._

"_No worries my dear." She says. "I'll leave you be and I'll be sitting in the front row."_

_She leaves the house and she sees Thomas standing in the foyer with a huge smile on his face. He would be giving his sister away._

_He embraces his youngest sister for a long while and kisses her temple._

"_Mer, I'm going to say something to you. Why'd it take you so long to marry Derek?"_

"_Life." She says repeating exactly what Derek told her the night of their engagement._

"_Well you should have eloped the minute you turned 18 and looked as beautiful as you do now." He says. "I'm going to say something else that I hope doesn't offend you." He says. "You are more beautiful today than you were when you married Craig. That dress you wore looked uncomfortable and I knew it wasn't you. This dress is you. It represents you and Derek and the life you will live. It represents your whole life in just one dress." He says. "I'm so glad you asked me to give you away."_

"_I have Michael as a father but he wanted to be there for his son. It just goes to show how little family we have left but it goes to show how strong the three of us are. You Thomas are my hero and I admire you every day. You're my big brother and the next best things to heroes are big brothers." She says._

_He fights back the tears in his eyes and laughs. "Meredith, I am so sorry for every little fight I picked with you. For holding back your dreams and most importantly pushing you into Craig's arms when I should have pushed you back into Derek's. You've belonged with him from the moment you took your first breath. Cradle to grave Meredith." He says kissing her cheek softly again. "Now who's ready to get married?" He asks._

"_Momma." Savannah says clapping her hands._

"_And Miss Savannah, you couldn't go by without a little gift." He says kneeling down in front of her and displaying a small velvet box. He opens it for her and shows her a silver pendant with a solid silver heart. "You need something to make you sparkle and shine and this pendant is a solid reminder of the love your uncle Thomas has for you and for the hopes you'll marry a man as wonderful as your father. This is my something special for you to keep for years to come." He says as he clips it behind Savannah's neck. "Happy future Savannah Jade." He says placing a soft kiss on his niece's cheek._

"_Thank you Uncle Thomas."_

"_The least I can do sweetheart." He says. "Alright we have a wedding to get through."_

_Meredith grabs the bouquets from the side table and hands Savannah her bouquet and places her own bouquet in her own hands and smiles. _

"_Let's do this."_

_As they approach the door they hear the music begin to play. The music that just sounded from an IPod, it was just a piano piece composed by Meredith called 'the future days', which in right mind fitted in well for today. Savannah heads down the aisle first and Thomas smiles at Meredith and she nods her head. She links her arm through his and they make their way down the aisle. _

_She keeps her eyes on Derek as he smiles widely as she walks down the aisle Thomas kisses her cheek as they reach the aisle and Thomas nods heads with Derek as he gives her away. Meredith turns to Savannah and hands her the bouquet and kisses her cheek. _

"_You did well." She says before quickly kissing Jack's cheek who was standing with Michael, holding the pillow with the two rings so proudly before joining Derek before their family and friends._

"_Love, it's what I see when I look at the two people who stand before me. Love has been in their veins for 26 years and I have seen this love grow and mature into this wonderful relationship of Meredith and Derek. I would like to welcome everyone to this special day for the couple where we can all rest with ease and we can finally say, 'it's about time'." Nina says with a smile as the guests laugh. "I could not think of two people more deserving of sharing this wonderful day than these two and I know that after all their doings it's a wonderful pleasure to see them stand before everyone who is special to them, especially their two beautiful children. Savannah and Jack who stand as their parents attendants today. It is a wonderful time when two people find each other and marry but it is also a wonderful time when two soul mates, two people who are truly in love, two people who are the best of friends and have shared everything together can stand before us and declare their love for one another while forgiving their wrongs and moving into their next joyous movement of marriage." She says._

_Meredith turns to Derek and smiles before turning back to Nina. _

"_Derek and Meredith, I personally want to thank you for teaching me about life and giving me your views on love. The two of you are a couple who I aspire to and I know through the struggles and hardships you two have dealt with at the end of the day I know that you two can lie in each other's arms and hold each other without saying a word and everything will be so much better or you two can sit behind the piano and compose all your feelings into this beautiful piece of music that displays your emotion so much and the two of you can connect and know how to comfort one another. I think love is rare like that these days with much complications but the two of you will always be able to prove that this love is still around. My heart is for you two today and I will forever cherish this moment that I share with you. You are a wonderful couple and as I speak for everyone, all our love and have a wonderful marriage and life together, experiencing the world and we all hope to see Meredith finally join you as you embark on your musical journey." She says. "Derek would you like to say something?"_

_He turns to Meredith and smiles at her and tries to rack his brain for the words that had disappeared the moment he saw her walk towards him, towards their new future. "Meredith." He says letting out a breath of air. "What can I say? You are truly the most amazing woman in the entire world. You amaze me, day after day. Your voice can make me feel small inside. You're voice empowers me. You're heart and soul inspires me. The way you go on when everything around you is falling apart amazes me and you show that courage and strength that I am so jealous of. You have been by my side the moment you were born, the 20__th__ of May, 1986. We have shared every moment together and from what I've been told we could function without each other's presence. We caused our parents hell when we weren't together and it just goes to show we knew best. We needed each other's comfort like we do now. I can barely go an hour without hearing your voice. I thank you for everything you've done for me. All the support you've given me in the last ten years. The way you showed me how to love, how to cherish life and laugh at the silly things. To admire the small things in life and showed me how great music can be between two people. You've given me a great life. You've given me three wonderful kids. Audrey, Savannah and little Jack. I love you all with all my heart and I will forever be there for you. I'll protect you all and never let you down. I'll stand before as a proud man and walk beside you tall. Meredith my love, this is the day I will call you my wife and forever be the one you lean on, in a crisis I'll be there, I won't run, I'll remind you who I am every day and to love you even when we may hate each other. Meredith I love you and like everyone else has said, finally!" He says. "From cradle to grave." He says and slips the ring onto her finger._

"_Meredith would you like to say something also?"_

_Meredith smiles at Derek and slightly bites her lip. "Derek, the day I was born our friendship begun and in the last 26 years we haven't let each other down. We've stuck by each other, yes we became distant for a little while but we knew we were fools for doing so. Every memory I have it always has you in in. Every photograph of me has you in it. The only times we weren't together was when we slept and that proved a challenge for our families. You were the one I made plans with for the future as a kid with big dreams. We kept each other's secrets. We shared our music, our love and our hopes. We taught each other to believe and we most importantly taught each other the true meaning of life. You have provided me with opportunities, you've given me a future with our children and you've given me that love we've shared for 26 years. You've given me everything I could ever ask for and I am thankful. I don't know how I can repay you but spending the rest of our lives together I hope will repay you. We have a huge life ahead of us and I can't wait to spend every single day with you. I love you Derek and I will too protect you and stand proud of what I am and what I have. I'll continue to be your best friend, the mother of our children, your musical genius and your wife. I can't imagine a life without you. Thank you Derek for these last 26 years and I hope for a lifetime together." She says. "Finally." She says and slips the ring onto Derek's finger. _

"_Meredith, I know your mother can't be here today but I know that she'd be proud to finally see you and Derek getting married. She could picture the two of you marrying you were born and would always joke about seeing the two of you run away from home to do so. I know that she is proud of the two of you and I am so saddened that she cannot be here today to witness this magical affair happen. She's missing out on a whole lot but I know that she's proud of you. I'm proud of you too." She says and takes a moment to remember her lost friend._

"_Now Derek do you take Meredith to love, cherish and honour?"_

"_I do." She says smiling._

"_Meredith, do you take Derek to love, cherish and honour?"_

"_I do."_

"_Well I finally get to pronounce the two of you husband and wife." She says with a smirk. "You may kiss your bride Derek."_

_Derek leans in and places his lips on Meredith's cherishing the fact that they are finally husband and wife. _

_They pull away from each other smiling and they lean in for a longer kiss. _

_When they finally pull apart they look towards the family and friends who are standing in the backyard clapping._

"_This is our future now." He whispers._

"_Okay, I would like to thank you for coming today to share our special moment. Meredith and I are really happy you could all make it today and what a special place having it where we grew up and where you all sheltered us. I'd like to thank everyone behind the scenes today from the catering, the photographer, my band for coming this way, my parents and both mine and Meredith's family for all their help. We couldn't have done it without you all. To Savannah and Jack for being so perfect and the best attendants you could ask for. My heart goes to all of you." He says. "And it wouldn't be a celebration without me bringing out the guitar. So for you my love, I'm going to play you the song I dedicated to you back at our senior prom. Even though technically I didn't get up in front of everyone and dedicate it. It was a personal dedication that I feel sums up the last 8 years." He says moving away from the table towards the stage where the band is set up. _

_He adjusts the microphone and looks behind to his band and nods his head. Lucy his triple threat starts playing the piano and the moment the tune starts Meredith recognises it straight away and feels the nostalgia of senior prom, to all those times she listened to it when he left for Los Angeles, the moment he sang it to her on the phone, on stage and now he was singing their song on their wedding day. The song that sums up so much of their life._

'_Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind  
Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sendin' all my love  
Along the wire_

He looks Meredith right into the eye and smiles knowing all too well that he is experiencing the nostalgia of his life on the road. Savannah and Jack were both sitting on Meredith's lap and she swayed side to side with the kids on her lap while he sang.

'_They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line  
It's been you and me  
And lovin' a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be_

Oh girl you stand by me  
I'm forever yours, faithfully

He wasn't even halfway through the song and she found tears in her eyes. __

Circus life  
Under the big top world  
We all need the clowns  
To make us smile  
Through space and time  
Always another show  
Wondering where I am  
Lost without you

And being apart ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy  
Of rediscovering you  
Oh girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours, faithfully

Oh, oh, oh, oh  
Faithfully, I'm still yours  
I'm forever yours  
Ever yours, faithfully'

Meredith stands from her chair and places the kids down on the ground and walks towards Derek and embraces him as the guests clap their hands.

"I love you." She says.

"I'm forever yours." He whispers in her ear. "Faithfully."


	18. Chapter 18

_Spokane District Court, Monday 10__th__ of June 2013_

The moment David Cross was brought into the court room an uneasy silence filled the room with hushed whispers and murmurs.

Lexie felt her heart clench inside her chest. Thomas felt a sudden urge of anger. Carolyn the guilt and Michael wasn't able to look at the man. That man has causes so much pain to the families back home and most of the families had opted out of this court hearing in an attempt of wanting to forget but Michael always believed, to forget you had to face the fears and get it over and done with.

He knew the moment Meredith woke and the next trial was on to stand against the man and tell the world what exactly he has done to her. She'd look him in the eye and tell him everything he almost took away and that she'd hope she'd have nightmares over the numerous people he shot, including a pregnant woman.

Michael silently hoped that they wouldn't trial him and he'd be given the death penalty.

The judge took a deep breath and overlooked the people in the room.

"The People Of The State of Washington versus David Cross. 14 people were injured that day and 2 killed with a third being confirmed to have later died at hospital." She says. "Cross today is receiving 26 charges." She says shuffling her papers.

"Count 1: Murder in the first degree. Count 2: Murder in the first degree. Count 3: Murder in the first degree. Count 4: Murder in the first degree. Count 5: Murder in the first degree. Count 6: Murder in the first degree. Count 7: Murder in the first degree. Count 8: Murder in the first degree. Count 9: Murder in the first degree. Count 10: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 11: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 12: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 13: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 14: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 15: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 16: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 17: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 18: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 19: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 20: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 21: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 22: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 23: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. Count 24: Criminal attempt to commit Feticide in the second degree. Count 25: Possession of explosive or incendiary device. Count 26: Crime of violence."

The judge takes a moment to let the charges sink in.

"Thank god they included that charge for Aria." Thomas says. "That bastard can't get away with not intending to kill her."

"That poor judge." Lexie says. "I couldn't be a judge for the simple fact of listening to these criminal trials that have causes the death of a person or the intent to kill."

The Judge clears her throat and looks down at the piece of paper in front of her, listing off the reasons for the charges and the names of the victims.

"By the authority of the People of the State of Washington, I inform the court of the following offences committed, or triable, in the county of Spokane County."

"Count 1: Murder in the first degree. On or about 6/2/2013, David Cross unlawfully, feloniously, after deliberation, and with the intent to cause the death of a person other than himself, caused the death of Preston Myers….

"Count 23: Criminal attempt to commit murder in the first degree. On or about 6/2/2013, by engaging in conduct constitution a substantial step toward the commission of murder in the first degree, David Cross unlawfully, feloniously, after deliberation, and with the intent to cause death the death of a person other than himself, attempted to cause the death of Meredith Grey."

"Count 24: Criminal attempt to commit feticide in the 2nd degree. On or about 6/2/2013, by engaging in conduct constitution a substantial step toward the commission of feticide in the second degree, David Cross unlawfully, feloniously, after deliberation and with the intent to cause death the attempted death of Ms Grey after an attempt to lawfully harm the 35 week foetus causing termination of the pregnancy after causing injury to Ms Grey, the mother of the child. The baby was later delivered after the injuries inflicted by Cross."

After reading all of the charges she silenced the court room. "A hearing will take place on the 7th of July. Court is dismissed."

They rose for the exit of the judge and were quick to leave. Outside the media was going crazy and targeted the four of them.

"How is Ms Grey's condition? How is baby Aria's condition? How exactly are you going to deal with the turmoil of the shooting? Do you think there should be a gun control reform? Is Derek Shepherd going back to his music career? Why didn't he attend todays hearing?"

Michael and Thomas shielded Lexie and Carolyn.

"There is no comment at this moment." Michael says.

As they wondered down the stairs at the district caught four words caught their attention.

"Meredith Grey is awake!"

The four look to each other wondering if what they said is true.

Thomas' phone buzzed with a message from his wife.

_Check Twitter immediately!_

"Lexie check twitter." He says.

She takes her phone from her bag and loads her newsfeed.

"There's a tweet from Meredith. From 5 minutes ago." She says. "When you finally wake from a long nap and can't describe the sense of change."

"Meredith's awake!" Lexie screams. "She's awake!"

…

_L.A Staples Centre, December 14__th__, 2012_

"_Thank you all for coming, it really means a lot to me, especially since it's the first gig of the concert." Derek says fixing the acoustic guitar over his shoulder. He had just taken a seat for his acoustic part of show and was on a high. First night had gone very well so far. "Now, I have a special guest to bring out onto the stage, many of you may recognise this lovely lady as my award winning writer, others may know her as the voice of our almost duo and others may now recognise her as my new wife. Meredith come on out."_

_Meredith heads out onto the stage as a cheer surges through the centre. She had to admit this was quite a step up from his smaller gigs. She was on a high and it brought her back to the first night of the Grammy's. _

"_Oh and we have another guest joining us, please welcome my daughter Savannah." Derek says as Savannah runs out behind her mother._

_Derek quickly grabs Savannah's stool and places it beside her mothers and helps settle his girls on the seats._

"_How are we going Mer and Van?"_

"_Good Daddy." Savannah says boasting a huge smile. _

_He knew they would have a hard time keeping her off the stage. She was born for the stage._

"_Now Savannah can you say hello to everyone here?" He says._

_She lets out a wave and a huge smile and says hello to the 14000 plus guest accommodating the centre._

"_Now before we start I thought we might share a little bit of a story with you all." He says adjusting the microphone and smiles at Meredith. "How old are you again Vannah?" He asks her._

"_I'm four and a half daddy." She says._

"_Okay so just over five years ago I was visited by this lovely lady here who surprised me in New York. I hadn't seen her for a few years and was missing her like crazy. She shows up at my door and I was the happiest I had been in a long time. My best friend was finally visiting me. Yes we had dated in the later stages of high school and been together since birth we were still best of friends getting up to no good." He says. "That week was the greatest week for us both and Meredith finally got to perform on stage with me, a lifelong dream we had. By the end of that week she returned home and unfortunately her mother passed away two weeks after her visit. I returned home for the funeral and comforted my family and Meredith and three weeks later I was told the greatest news. The news I always wanted to hear. Despite the pain we had suffered a few years before with a stillborn daughter, we had received the news that we were expecting a baby together and that baby is now my four and a half year old daughter who is sitting beside me, Savannah." He says as people begin to clap. "And we thought since tonight is the first show and you guys have been an outstanding audience, we thought we'd share our news." He says smirking at Meredith. "July the 1__st__ we will have another bundle of joy joining our family. Meredith and I are expecting a baby together." He says smiling._

_The audience cheers and claps for the family._

"_Thank you. It's been a big year for us all and I think we should get moving along with a song." He says smirking at Meredith and nodding his head._

…

'_Sunrise building a reprise in my heart  
Regret tight around my chest plays its part  
until its gone  
yeah, until its gone  
But to shower you with pity will do you no good at all, no good at all'_

Trying to open her eyes was the hardest part. They felt like glue stuck together and she was truly struggling to open them and take in the light of the room that burnt her eyes.

She couldn't open them long enough and by the time the bathroom door opened the world went black despite hearing everything.

She heard Derek fumble around beside her and replied to a text before the door closed again.

She forced her eyes open and took in the sights in a clearer perspective. She reached for Derek's phone and logged onto her twitter account immediately. She wanted to cause a furry.

_When you finally wake from a long nap and can't describe the sense of change._

She knew she had to take it slow and steady to not hurt herself again.

She sat on the side of her bed and she felt all sort of pain in her body. Especially her abdomen where they had operated to remove the bullet and deliver Aria. Her whole belly was covered in stitches and caused her pain. Her head hurt like a bad hangover and her legs felt like jelly after not moving for a full week.

She slowly stood from the bed steadying herself and felt as if an accomplishment had been reached. She took one step slowly and that feeling grew as she took each slow and steady step. The bathroom was in her sights and then she realised she didn't know what she was going to say to him. She wrapped her hand around the doorknob and opened the bathroom door and was met with the reflection in the mirror of Derek and the look of horror on his face.

"Derek?" She says and watches as he drops his toothbrush and turns around quickly.

"You're awake?" He asks.

"I'm awake." She says.

He moves forward and captures her in his arms. She winces at the impact. "Stitches Derek."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot."

"It's alright." She says leaning her head on his chest and hearing his heart beating. "The sound of your heart makes everything so much better."

…

Derek had left the hospital to go and get the kids while Meredith was taken for tests and had asked for a chance to nap before the kids arrived.

The nurses were quite amazed with her waking up and were pleased at her healing progress. She wasn't pleased at the shaved spot on her head and but Derek reassured her that it would be hardly recognisable in a few weeks.

Derek let their family know the good news officially and twitter was in a buzz over Meredith. He tweeted a picture of Meredith sitting up in bed awake and talking. In over 10 minutes the picture had become a trending hit.

He walked through the doors of his house and was greeted with Savannah and Jack barrelling towards him.

"Your home daddy?" She says.

"I am. Sorry I wasn't here this morning."

"That's okay. You needed to see Aria." She says.

"Well I have a surprise for you two. I need you to get your shoes on and we'll get in the car."

"What is it Daddy?"

"I can't give away the surprise sweetie." He says smiling. "Go on, get your shoes."

Savannah took Jack up the stairs to get their shoes and Amelia entered the hallway with a huge smile on her face.

"Is it true?" She asks.

"Yes." He says nodding his head.

Amelia wrapped her arms around her brother and Derek squeezed her tightly.

"Did you hear the charges that have been made against the shooter?" She asks in their embrace.

"No. I've been too caught up with Mer."

"26 charges have been made and Aria was recognised in the charge. Justice Derek."

"Justice." He says and squeezes her tighter.

The kids come down the stairs and Amelia helps Savannah with her shoes and Derek helps Jack.

"Okay, let's go to your surprise." He says.

They farewelled Amelia and headed to the car. He drove to the hospital and parked in a space.

"We just have to drop in here first before I take you to your surprise." He says.

He helps them from the car and they bypass the many people standing outside the hospital waiting to get a release about the condition of Meredith.

They walked down the familiar hallways they had come to know in the past week and saw the familiar faces of the nurses.

They nodded to the guard outside of Meredith's room and he stepped aside to let the family in. Derek had seen movement inside the room and knew that she was awake.

He let the kids step inside first and the moment their eyes saw Meredith they went wide in shock.

"Surprise." Derek says.

"Momma, your awake?" Savannah says.

Meredith smiles and fights back the tears.

"Yes I am baby girl." She says. "Come give your Momma a hug."

They kids rush to her side and climb up onto the bed.

"Be careful of Momma, she's still hurt."

"I don't mind Derek. Its worth the pain." She says as she wraps them in her arms and kisses the tops of their heads numerous times. "I'm so sorry I fell asleep for that long."

"Its alright Momma. You needed to heal." Savannah says softly.

"How's your baby sister?"

"She's doing really well. She's gotten so big. You'd hardly recognise her." Savannah says. "Maybe they can bring her down here?"

"Maybe, she might have to stay in the nursery."

"But she was brought down here last time." Savannah says.

"I know. Maybe they may push the boundaries just for me." She says.

Derek slips out from the room and sees Kasey walking by.

"Hey, do you think Aria could join in on the occasion?"

"A nurse is preparing her to bring down here. Show Meredith how big she has gotten. She has no mask on and she's bottle feeding now."

Derek smiles and steps back into the room and grab's his phone.

"Okay guys, I think we need big smiles for Nanna and Poppy." Derek says.

He snaps the family shot and couldn't help but smile. He sent the picture through to his family and came and sat down on the bed and Meredith smiled at him with a huge relief and he returned the smile.

The door opened and in came two nurses with the crib Aria was living in.

"We thought you might like another visitor. She's been hanging out to see you Mommy." The nurse says wheeling the crib beside Meredith's bed.

"Oh my!" She says gasping. "She has no mask on. Or feeding tube."

"Yes, your little girl is breathing with just the general oxygen and we thought you'd like to do the honours of bottle feeding her for the first time?" The nurse says holding onto a bottle.

"I would love to." She says with her eyes watering.

The nurse places Aria into her mother's arms and Meredith lifts the baby close to her and kisses her forehead.

"Momma's got you sweetheart." She whispers softly.

Derek smiled a wide smile and captured more photographs of his family, relishing the fact that they were all together, under the same roof.

They were family.

…

_25__th__ of May 2004, Lakeview, Meredith's family home_

"_You've gotta be quiet because Mom has just gone down." Meredith says to Derek late that night as she lets him enter the house._

"_Come to LA with me." He says as he follows her up to her room._

"_Derek we've been through this. Mom's sick, I can't leave her by herself."_

"_Mom said she'd take care of her."_

"_Your mother doesn't have time to care for my mother. Besides, I'm not unloading everything to her. It'd be too cruel."_

"_Well how about we move her into a home in LA?"_

"_That's even worse. She's doesn't belong in LA. She belongs here Derek. Even if she's sick, she deserves to stay here where she has shared all the great memories. It's the least I can do. See it as a final death wish." She says as she sinks down onto her bed. _

_Derek moves and lies down beside her and stares up at the ceiling. _

"_Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?" He asks her._

"_I always thought I'd be on the road but I can't see that anymore. All I can see is myself sitting behind a computer and constantly caring for my sick mother."_

"_If you come to LA it won't be like that. You'll live a miserable life if you stay put. Your heart belongs in music and music can take you all over the world. I'm sure Lexie can care for your mother or Thomas. They didn't even offer to care for her."_

"_They're selfish. It's how they've always been." She says sighing._

"_You're ruining your dreams. You're breaking our promise."_

"_We made that when we were twelve. We were too caught up in what could happen, rather than what would happen."_

"_Mer, you weren't to know that she'd get sick."_

_She didn't say anything. Her heart was breaking. They'd graduated from school the day before and were now off to a new destiny and her destiny had been crushed into hamburgers the moment her family left her feeble mother in her care. Crushing her dreams and future._

"_Derek." She says as her heart clenches. "You need to go to LA yourself. Try and get signed and if all else fails come back home to me and we can try again later. Together." She says._

"_I can't do it without you."_

"_Yes you can." She says. "You need to step away from me and do things on your own for once. I won't always be around to catch you when you fall." She says stepping away from him._

_The next week was an emotional week for the two of them. Meredith heart wrenchingly declined the offer to go to Los Angeles knowing she had to be there for her mother. She had barely spoken to Derek in that week and he too knew how hard it was for Meredith to make the decision she made knowing that her mother came first. _

_The day of his departure was a beautiful day. The sun was beaming and no clouds in the sky. Summer was present and Meredith felt that sense of sadness. For the past 17 summers they spent every day with each other. They spent nights camping out in each other's backyards. They spent the whole day on their bikes outside and would have sandwiches and cool soda by the river where they would swim, sing songs or just laze beside the river talking about their future. They'd spend their 12 weeks exploring the town, causing havoc, making new memories and simply exploring the depths of their friendship. _

_It was their favourite time of year and most of their memories came from the summers and this summer they'd be spending it apart in different states and it'd most likely be the first summer of many to come that they don't wake up beside each other and fall asleep beside each other._

_She watched from her bedroom window his family helping him with his belongings and packing them into the station wagon he would be driving to Los Angeles. That station wagon was filled with memories especially from last summer when they would go driving with no destination in mind, with the windows down and the music blaring. That was their way to get over the grief of losing their baby and it worked. Their drives to new destinations ended with the seats being folded down in the back with their bodies sticking to the leather after an exhausting round of sex. And at the new places they discovered that summer they would mention that Audrey would really like this place and that they'd bring their future children here. These new destinations filled their memories with bright new ones and the pain of Audrey wasn't as bad as it had been at the start of summer._

_She watched as Michael closed the tailgate of the wagon and the family headed inside to escape the heat before the final farewell. He was set to depart at 11 am. In 30 minutes he would be leaving this town for what he hoped would be forever. _

_She could still feel his hands on her body after he snuck over late last night for a private goodbye and a chance to make love in a romantic farewell. Once he left she cried into her pillow not wanting him to leave her alone in this town that had nothing for her. _

_She made sure her mother was asleep and left the house with a box for Derek to take with him. There was a mixture of everything in there for him._

_She quickly placed it on the floor of the passenger seat and headed up to the Shepherd house to take part in their final farewells. _

_Sadness overcame her as she entered the house where an emotional farewell was taking place. His mother was packing a bag of food for his trip. His father and brother in laws giving him driving advice and his sisters were huddled with proud smiles on their faces._

_I just went and sat on the steps and listened to the family talking for a final time under the same roof together and imagined if I was headed off to Los Angeles with Derek and if we had Audrey._

_We'd be so excited the night before we wouldn't have slept. We'd spend the whole night talking and waiting for morning to come. We'd have a final breakfast with the family and our chubby cheeked girl would bask in the family affair._

_From there we'd pack the car with a portable crib, suitcases filled with clothing, there'd be a small bag filled with baby toys, the stroller would be packed firmly inside and the guitars, our demo tapes, our pages of lyrics and small personal items would lie in the back of the car waiting for a future to be created._

_There we'd say goodbye to the family, strap Audrey into her car seat and set off to LA. We'd sing the whole way to LA an stopping for breaks and food. We'd interview each other and take turns sleeping or feeding Audrey and entertaining her. We'd have hours spent together in the car and hours of bonding. _

_When we arrived in LA we'd set out for a shower and visit Derek's aunt who lived in LA who'd take us in for a few days while we recovered from our trip and get in our best clothes and door knock at every music agency until we were signed. If we were turned away we'd come back again later and spend time with our daughter before trying to change our life for the best. _

_The family rose and left the living room to see Derek off. _

_She followed them all down to the front lawn where Amelia wrapped her arm around my shoulder._

_Carolyn placed the bag she'd prepared in on the back seat and hugged him tightly. _

_His family hugged him and said goodbye to him one by one and it was finally Meredith's turn to say goodbye._

_He told her to wait for a moment and he ran inside and came out with a cardboard box and handed it to her._

"_I still remember the devastated look on your face when we had to get rid of that stray puppy we found 6 years ago and I knew since that day I'd buy you a puppy. So Mer, I went and bought you a puppy." He says lifting the blanket from the top of the box to reveal a tiny tanned puppy eager to share its love. "She was the last of her litter. She is a Boxer crossed Labrador and she really has a beautiful personality. I'd met her brothers and sisters and they were boisterous and she is very tame and loyal. So I hope you accept her as a going away gift because she'll be a beautiful companion to you and your mother."_

_She takes the puppy from the box and hugs her and then hugs Derek. "Thank you." She says. "How about Meg? I think you're a Meg."_

"_Ginger Megs?" He says._

"_We have you a name girly." She says with a smile._

_Derek kisses her passionately for a final kiss and climbs into his car and leaves the street with a huge horn blast and a big smile and wave._

_Meredith hugs the puppy close to her chest and heads home to settle the puppy after Carolyn mentioned that Derek dropped everything off for the pup. Her mother was seated on the couch and looked at Meredith with a slight smile._

"_Has Derek left?" She asks._

_Meredith nods her head with tears forming in her eyes and falls down beside her mother and is embraced by her mother who soothes her tears. Meg settles herself across the two and lies down to show her loyal side._

"_He'll be back for you sweetheart. I'm so sorry you couldn't go with him."_

"_It's fine Mom. Plans never work out."_

_As Derek turned the corner the box caught his attention. He pulled over and searched through the box and found a letter addressed to him._

_Derek,_

_It breaks my heart watching you leave. It breaks my heart knowing you won't be a minute away. You won't be here to help me with my mother and comfort me when It gets all too much. You're my best friend and this summer we won't be spending it together exploring our friendship or sharing our first kiss at the age of 14 under the stars by the river. Our moving into the serious side of a relationship when we were 15 and school was broken up for the summer. Derek I love you. I've given you my heart and you've given me yours. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary? You make me feel all of these things. I hope great success and the minute I can I will be on the first flight to see you because we haven't spent more than a week apart in 18 years. _

_Have a great trip and don't forget about me._

_Love Meredith_

_He finds a CD inside the box with road trip songs written. _

_He places the CD on and drives off._

_The song they discovered at the end of school comes on and he smiles._

'_You've got the music in you  
Don't let go  
You've got the music in you  
One dance left  
This world is gonna pull through  
Don't give up  
You've got a reason to live  
Can't forget  
We only get what we give_

This whole damn world, could fall apart  
You'll be ok, follow your heart  
You're in harm's way, I'm right behind  
Now say you're mine'

"_I'll be back for you Meredith." He says wiping away the tear that fell down his cheek. "Don't forget about me."_

**I apologies for the delay in updating. I've been swamped in the past month with exams and assessments and a major artwork all to be completed in the next 2 weeks. As I had mentioned that my time would be limit due to commitments but I am trying to write in my free time which seems to be limited but hopefully by the end of this month I'll be free of final assessment marks and dedicate time to my writing. So I apologies now if I disappear again for a little while longer but I promise I will be back with more.**


	19. Chapter 19

"Thank you to everyone for their messages of support in the past week in relation to my wife and my daughter. As of yesterday morning my wife is awake and recovering well and making up for lost time with her children. I would like to pay my respects to all the other victims of this tragedy and formally thank the police, paramedics, doctors and volunteers who ensured the best care for everyone on that morning. When tragedy strikes our communities come together amongst the tragic circumstances and will raise their hand to help or even lend a shoulder or a hand to lean on. For 18 years I've grown up in this close nit town and hearing the stories really reminds me of the strength this community has." He says. "My thoughts and prayers for the families who tragically lost one of their own. Never forget the time you shared with them, remember the memories and be grateful for the time you had with them and hold the members of your family even closer and make the most of each day. I know that I will be doing that the moment Meredith and my daughter are cleared to go. So please for the sake of my family, I ask for privacy as our family reconnects and heals and I will be sure to be in contact in regards to my cancel shows." He says. "And I advise you all to donate to the Lakeview memorial fund for compensation of the families and victims of the shooting. Thank you."

Derek nods his head at the camera's gathered outside the hospital and is escorted back inside the hospital with the security securing the crowd of reporters. The news had been buzzing over the waking of Meredith and the press had been anxious to find out a report on her and the baby. Derek's publicist and manager had made the trip to Moses Lake as soon as she heard the news over the trial and Meredith's waking and arrived in town to organise a press conference and help Derek begin to plan a special surprise.

Arizona gave a big thumbs up and smile as he entered the entrance of the hospital.

"That was great." She says with a huge smile.

"Come on let's go and see her." He says.

She filled him in on the news surrounding the backlash over the cancelation of the gigs and him firing Vic being the best gossip and which eventually led other artists to quit their contracts with Vic.

The afternoon before David Cross pleaded insanity over the shooting with a trial being prepared and doctors exams being performed. It came just 3 hours after his charges were made which left Lakeview in a buzz over getting back justice after the shooting. Arizona was so over the moon about Meredith finally being awake and Aria being on a strong road to recovery.

Derek led Arizona into the room to see Meredith with a notebook on her lap and a pen in her hand scribbling away.

"What you're already writing songs again?" Derek asks.

"Yes. I just got this sudden urge to write. All these lyrics just kept filling my head and I needed to write them down." She says not looking up at the two new people in the room.

"When is Aria coming back down?" He asks.

"Um Kasey said soon. I just wish they'd leave her in here."

"I know but she has to be in the NICU for certain reasons." He says sitting down beside her on the bed. "Did you watch?"

"No."

"You didn't?"

"No because I read your speech last night."

"When?"

"After you followed Aria back to the NICU you were gone for a while and I wanted to try myself in reading." She says. "I'm kicking arse Derek."

"Yes you are." He says kissing her temple.

"Do you have to do any rehab?" Arizona asks.

"They tested me yesterday for all of that. I could hold Aria long enough without tiring. They got me to get in and out of the shower by myself and Derek and I went for a short walk around the hospital. They think I can head home tomorrow."

"That soon?"

"Yes." She says smiling.

"When is Aria expected home?"

"She's off the regular oxygen as of this morning and they are just waiting until she gains some more weight. She's regulating her own temperature as well. They expected her home by Saturday."

"I hope she comes home by then." He says.

"We don't have a nursery set up for her though."

"All she needs is our love and a place to sleep for a few weeks. Nothing too much out of the extreme." He says with a smile.

Arizona's phone started to ring and she excused herself outside.

"I was looking a houses for us this morning and Amelia sent through this listing. It's next door to her. It's got 6 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms, it's still in Santa Monica but not overlooking the beach, it has a pool, recording studio, a guest chambers, it's close to Savannah's school, it is in a perfect location." He says showing her the listing on the house.

"It is nice. Nice hardwood floors, bedrooms look great, beautiful views and the ensuite bathtub is exceptionally amazing. I love it." She says. "Let's make an offer."

"But you haven't seen it in person."

"If it's anything like the other houses we have seen then let's buy it." She says with a smile.

"Well I'm glad you like it because it's officially ours. I signed off on it the other week and I've been meaning to tell you but I haven't gotten around to doing so."

"You bought us this house?"

"Sure did." He says kissing her cheek. "Happy anniversary."

She doesn't know how to react and kisses his lips. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." She says. "I just hope you don't mind living next door to your sister."

"Oh I don't. She's manageable but she will be experiencing first time mom jitters very soon."

"And I will be there to get her through. While you go and make beautiful music."

"With you at my side. I'm not making this next album without you." He says.

"But I'm busy doing Momma duties."

"We'll have Vannah at school. Aria on your hip and Jack can play with his toy drums. They can be our inspiration." He says then looks down at the lyrics she is writing. "Have you finished yet?"

"I think so."

"Can I hear?"

"Only the first two verses and the chorus. The rest is a surprise." She says smiling. "I want you to interpret what you think it's about." She says.

"Well what are the cords?"

She thinks over for a moment and writes him the chords as he reaches for his guitar and tunes it.

"Tell me when you're ready." He says as he lightly strums the chords she has indicated.

"I'm not sure if these chords fit it but we will soon find out." She says and takes a deep breath.

The door to her room opens and the nurse walks in with Aria tucked in the crook of her arm.

"This little one was ready to visit her Momma." She says. "If it's a bad time I can take her back."

"No it's a perfect time." Meredith says with a soft smile as Aria is lowered into her arms. "She can hear her daddy play and her Momma sing."

"What a perfect bonding session." The nurse says. "I'll come back later."

She departs the room and Derek watches his baby girl mould into her mother's embrace and looks up at her mother with a sleepy gaze. Meredith smiles back down at her and runs her finger over her cheek.

Derek allows Aria to grasp his finger and Meredith grasps Derek's free fingers in an embrace that was worth a thousand words. Meredith smiled up at Derek and he beamed a proud smile back at her.

He begun to pluck the chords on his guitar and Meredith smiled down at Aria and begun to sing the lyrics she had composed just before.

"_Met a boy who made me cry  
he said stay away from my kind  
I said I appreciate his honesty and I  
stayed away for a while_

Then he cried and I laughed on the telephone  
And we talked for hours  
He says he wants to be a rock-star  
So do I, so do I  
Guess it would never work out

_But on these summer nights  
When the weather's right  
I miss him by my side  
Oh by my side"_

She finishes singing the two promised verses and watches Derek's facial expression as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Derek are you okay?"

"I've only heard some of it and I'm crying. That is why you are amazing because you can reduce me to tears through song." He says leaning in and kissing her and then looking down at Aria who is in complete awe at her mother. "See even Ari liked it."

Meredith lifts Aria close and kisses her cheek. "I'm glad you liked it baby girl."

"I think you wrote it about us. Some aspects of our relationship growing up to when I was in LA alone and the times you cried when I wasn't there. The missed summer nights and I think you incorporated aspects of you being in a coma and not actually having me by your side."

She smiles at him not saying anything.

"Am I right?"

"Everyone is free to their own interpretation." She says. "But basically it's an aspiring rock star boy meets aspiring rock star girl. It details the hope with a bittersweet narrative of two ships passing in one short life. Basically the shooting is a big influence to our time almost ripped apart."

He leans over and kisses her forehead softy. "Never again will I let something like this happen to us." He says. "I promise you."

She closed her eyes as he kissed her. Craig never told her these things. Yes he was sweet but he never would promise to protect her and his issues were always more import than her own.

She shifted Aria's position so they baby could lie down her chest with her head resting on her left breast. Aria placed her thumb into her mouth and lazily sucked on her thumb putting herself to sleep while listening to her mother's beating heart.

Derek positioned himself to lie next to Meredith and the two parents gazed at their sleeping girl after the promise was made.

"This isn't how I envisioned her arrival." She says. "I always thought we'd be in LA and we'd hopefully be in the new house when I went into labour with her. If not we'd be cramped into your apartment, packed to the rafters. I'd envision that we'd welcome her at sunrise after a lazy night at home with the kids and a late night wade into the warm water of the pool. We'd have the midwife come by and check me over while you filled the birthing pool. We'd have Amelia over if she hadn't already had her baby and she'd be my coach while the kids hopefully slept or were entertained by James while the goings on happened. She'd be a quick birth and just as the sunlight filled the room, she'd be falling into our hands and letting out her raspy cries. That's how I envisioned her arrival and after the fuss from the midwives we'd finally be able to lie in that big bed of ours and admire her beauty and shower her in kisses and cuddles while she adjusted to the world and us as her parents."

"That's how I'd envisioned it. It'd be a perfect, drama free birth. You'd be able to do it all on your own without the medical help." He says. "Your strength is amazing. You'd physically be able to deliver this baby without any beads of sweat on your forehead."

"I don't understand the big fuss over births. Some people need assistance but most woman deliver their children without medical help with only a bucket of hot water and a pair of scissors. Some do have complications that they need assistance with but those women who deliver by themselves are the real heroes of birth."

"Well your mine. After everything you always find that strength to step up and be amazing."

She smiles and kisses his cheek and they train their eyes towards Aria.

"Derek, I have an idea." She says smiling.

…

_Le Mesa Drive, Santa Monica, May 28__th__ 2013_

_Derek had just pulled up outside of Amelia's house with Savannah seated in the back. He looked at her through the rear view mirror. He watched her give him a tired smile after their plane trip from Seattle after Jack's 2__nd__ birthday. He was back in LA for a few days to regroup with the band before heading back to Seattle for his concerts._

_Savannah turned her head to the house next door to Amelia's. _

"_Look Daddy, that house is for sale. The house that Momma loves."_

"_Oh it is." He says. "Maybe we should go and check it out after we see Amy and James."_

_He helps her from the car and holds her hand as they walk across the drive to the front door. Savannah presses the doorbell and Amelia greets them wearing a big baggy cotton shirt, covering her swimwear._

"_Hi Amy." Savannah says._

"_Hi sweetheart." She says placing her hand on Savannah's head and bending down to kiss her head. "Do you wanna get in for a swim?"_

"_Not now Amy. I'm too tired." She says._

"_That's alright." She says as she leads them into the kitchen._

"_Where's James?"_

"_He was called to the hospital but he should be back soon." She says looking at her phone to check the time. "How was your flight?"_

"_It was good she slept the whole flight."_

"_Where you tired sweetie?"_

"_Yes. Jack tired me out." She says slumping in the stool._

_Amelia laughs at her expression. "Well do you want to come upstairs and see the baby's room?"_

_Savannah nods her head with a huge smile and jumps down from the stool and follows Amelia upstairs. "I thought you were going to wait for me to help you?"_

"_Well I was but the doctor says the baby is going to be earlier than expected and I wasn't sure you'd be home in time to help me." She says. "Okay you ready?"_

"_Yes." Savannah says with a smile._

_Amelia turns the door handle and reveals the room to her niece and brother. Dark grey walls compliment the pink, grey and white furniture and finishing's in the room._

"_Wow, this is amazing." Derek says admiring the room. "Guess this means you're having a girl? Congratulations."_

"_Thanks, yeah we've known all along, just don't say anything to the family. We want them to be surprised." She says._

"_I won't say anything." He says placing his hand on the white crib tucked into the nook. "You make these curtains?"_

"_No, the lady across the road made them for us. She also made the bedding and a few baby blankets and hats to match for us." She says taking a seat on the foot ottoman and hugging the plush doll that sat on there. "We wanted traditional timeless and elegance for our baby girl."_

"_She is going to be so spoilt." He says moving around the nursery and stopping at the window._

"_I love it Aunt Amy. It's beautiful." She says. "And daddy I knew it was a girl."_

"_How did you know before me?"_

"_Because Amelia tells me everything." She says. _

"_Well you kept that secret well."_

"_Let's just hope Momma has a girl and they are born on the same day and then they can be best friends." She says._

"_They will be best friends and considering our due dates are a week apart I wouldn't be surprised that we have the baby on the same day." She says standing up and following everyone out of the room._

"_How long has the house next door been for sale?"_

"_For a couple of days. It's the first open house today." She says. "You interested?"_

"_Meredith loves this house." He says._

"_Then go over there and take a look. I'll come with you just let me put some more appropriate clothes on." She says._

_They entered the house and Derek was speechless. _

"_It's beautiful." She says._

"_It is." He says. "Meredith would love this."_

_The three of them wandered the house and fell even more in love with it. Derek and Savannah especially loved the recording studio. _

"_I'm making an offer. I don't care if Meredith hasn't seen it. I know she'll love it and it can be an early first year anniversary present."_

"_Nothing says I love you more than a 20 million dollar house. Happy anniversary honey, I bought you a mansion, love me forever." Amelia says. "Oh you bought me a house, all I bought you was a watch."_

"_I don't care if she only gets me a watch, her happiness is the best gift."_

…

Amelia and James stood out the front of the house next door to them and watched as the relator took away the for sale sign indicating the closing of the sale.

"I seriously can't believe Derek did this without Meredith asking him to do so." She says knowing that all too well Derek had this house in his eye for a few weeks and had signed off on the house the week before he headed to Lakeview with Savannah and put the deposit on that same day.

"They finally have a family home now." James says as he places his hands on Amelia's bulging belly and admires the house. "Do you mind having your brother next door?"

"Not at all. Meredith is one of my closest friends and Derek is my brother. I'm gonna love having them there especially as we navigate through the first year of the baby's life." She says placing her hands atop of James'.

The relator walks towards the couple with a smile on his face.

"Now Mr Shepherd indicated that the keys be handed over to you. We usually don't do this but after an hour talking with him on the phone he told us the keys would best be in your hands to help him move while he tends to his wife and daughter."

"That is correct." Amelia says. "We want the transition from Lakeview to here to be as easy for the family considering what they have been through."

"That is understandable. You two are free to use the house. Lucky for you the family packed up and moved out last week." He says leaving the keys in Amelia's hands and then leaving the two of them to check out the house.

Amelia had a list from Derek indicating where he wants everything and where the nursery would be. They wandered the house and sat down making a plan on painting the nursery and the kids' bedrooms and moving as much as they can into the house with his band mates and friends pitching in to help to lessen Amelia and James' load.

"Let's get this nursery done." She says from the centre of the designated nursery with a huge smile on her face.

…

Carolyn came down the stairs with a basket of dirty washing. Savannah and Jack were both upstairs playing, Derek thinking it'd be best for the kids to be at home for most of the day while he and Meredith sorted out things.

Michael had left to pick up a few groceries from the store for the two houses and picking up some more baby supplies to add to the stockpile for when Aria is allowed home.

She drops the basket into the laundry room and shuts the door behind her looking at the time and knowing that the kids will be asking for lunch soon. She played her IPod on the speakers and swayed to the beat of the music as she gathered things for lunch. She laid them out on the bench and moved around the kitchen finding a rhythm and dancing.

Savannah and Jack rushed into the kitchen in excitement over hearing Derek's song playing on the speakers. The song that always got them excited when they were travelling, the song that meant so much to the family on starting their family and moving on with their dreams.

"_Maybe I should drop by  
Maybe I should have called  
Maybe I should have followed you and beat down your door  
Maybe it's gonna be breaking you every time you fall  
But to shower you with pity will do you no good at all"_

Carolyn danced with her grandchildren and Michael walked into the kitchen with a big smile on his face over his family. He placed the items down on the bench and danced around with them all, laughing and smiling.

"_Watching the sunset sunset sunset sunset  
over the beaches beaches beaches beaches"_

He embraced Carolyn while Savannah and Jack danced with each other and kissed her cheek. "Let me get the rest of the stuff from the car." He says. "I also picked up a cute onesie for Aria. It's great."

He leaves to retrieve the last of the things and Carolyn makes the sandwiches for them all for lunch and makes up a batch of chocolate chip muffins. Noticing Michael had taken his time she looked out into the hallway curiously.

"Kids just wait here for a minute." She says leaving them alone and stalking from the house to find an unfamiliar car parked on the curb.

She looks down at the car and sees a woman standing talking to Richard. A woman who looked to be in her late 20's. She stood on the porch and watched the interactions between the two of them before walking down to the car.

"Michael, Jack wanted his Poppy to go and play soccer with him after you eat." She says to him.

Michael looks at her and then to the stranger and bows his head.

Carolyn then took in the girls' features, dark hair, grey eyes and facial structure similar to Kasey and Amelia. She raised her eyebrows and took a quick look at the female. She had an engagement ring on and was dressed casually in cutoffs and a white shirt with chucks on her feet.

"Yeah okay." He says closing the tailgate on the car.

"Who's this?"

Michael bites his lip and looks at the girl.

"I'm Kristen." She says extending a hand.

"And how do you know Michael?" She asks.

"I met him at the business conference in Seattle he was attending about four years ago and we've run into each other at all the others we attend. He is a great mentor in starting a first business and getting through some of the toughest times you can imagine."

"And why are you here?"

"I was travelling for the summer, thought I'd call into Lakeview and check out Michael's shop."

"He sold that 5 years ago." Carolyn says.

"Oh I know. I just wanted to visit and see how the family was doing. After hearing what has happened and I am so sorry. Your son is amazing as well as your grandchildren and daughter in law."

"Well Meredith and Aria are doing well." She says a little peeved at the woman invading in their personal life. "Excuse me I have to check on the kids. If you want you can come in for a cup of tea and a sandwich if you would like."

"Thank you for the offer but I better hit the road." She says. "I've got to get back to Moses Lake before 4."

Carolyn leaves the two of them to say goodbye to each other.

"Nana, what is Poppy doing?" Savannah asks.

"He's just talking to someone. He shouldn't be too much longer." She says.

Savannah leaves the table and heads out to the front and slowly down the steps when she hears the conversation.

"I told you not to come here. My wife doesn't know about you."

"You are my father, she should know the truth of why I am really here because I only live half an hour away and she may one day find out the truth. After 27 years I'm surprised she hasn't found out. Michael you need to confess about me because whether you like it or not, I'm not going anywhere."

Savannah confused turns around and goes back inside and takes her seat again. Carolyn turned back to the table with a smile on her face.

"What's wrong Vannah?" She asks noticing Savannah's confused face.

"Who is that lady out there?"

"Kristen. Why's that?"

"Well Poppy told her that she shouldn't have come here because his wife doesn't know about her." She says. "And then the lady says that Poppy is her father and that she should know the truth of why she is really here and something about living close by and one day she may find out about the truth. Then something to do with after 27 years she's surprised she hasn't found out. I assume that she is you Nana. Then she said Michael you need to confess about her because whether you like it or not, she's not going anywhere." She tells her Nan who's staring at her granddaughter trying to piece together what she meant. "But I may have heard it wrong." She says.

Carolyn places her oven mitts down onto the table and steps away covering her mouth. "Oh no." She says.

"Nana what's wrong?" Savannah asks. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No you didn't sweetie. I'm just going to call your father and see how much longer he will be."

"He's staying with Momma tonight, don't you remember?"

"Oh silly me. That's fine. How about you take Jack outside and go and enjoy the fresh air. I'll just finish making your Pop's sandwich and I'll come and join you."

Savannah nods her head and climbs down from her chair. "Come on Jack." She says smiling at him.

Jack races out before her with Savannah making it to the doorway before turning around and running back to her Nana and embracing her. "I love you Nana. I hope you remember that." She says smiling.

"I love you too sweetheart." She says.

Savannah disappears from the kitchen and Carolyn lets the tears roll down her face.

"Carrie, what's wrong?" Michael asks walking into the kitchen and coming up behind her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Do not touch me." She says.

"What the hell is going on?" He asks.

She doesn't say anything and turns and leaves the kitchen away from the knifes and sharp objects. She moves to the sunroom and overlooks the kids playing on the equipment. She hears Michael come in behind her.

"Carrie, what is wrong?"

"Do not Carrie me!" She states.

"Tell me what is wrong?"

"Remind me again where you were 27 years ago for Derek's birth?"

"I told you, I was stuck in the storm."

"Then tell me why after his birth, why did you insist on visiting Seattle when you had no conferences to attend?"

"For a break away from the family."

"Bull crap." She says. "Then tell me why Ellis came into the delivery room after she tried to call you annoyed and shocked?"

"Maybe Thatcher did something."

"Bull crap Michael. Everything you have told me is a lie. Why did you never tell me Kristen is your daughter?"

"Because I didn't want to lose you."

"And you thought keeping it a secret was the way to go? Michael are you seriously that stupid. You'd thought I'd never find out after all these years?"

"Well how'd you find out?"

"Savannah told me the part of the conversation she overheard?"

"You let her out?"

"Hey, do not blame it on her! She did nothing wrong Michael! She's 5 years old for god sakes! She did no harm to me or you! It was you who did the wrong! You had an affair while we were married, you slept with another woman while you were married to me and in my eyes I can't accept whatever excuse you say! You cheated on me! You cheated on your family. You were playing happy families between two families and you missed the birth of your son. Michael, I can't even look at you for what you did to me. You're not the man I thought you were after 35 years of marriage. You kept this from me. I'm your wife and you never told me. I can't look at you right now." She says bursting into tears.

She cradles her face in her hands and hears the front door slam shut.

Savannah and Jack look up into the sunroom at their Nana crying.

"What's going on Vannah?" Jack asks.

"I don't know Jack." She says. "But I've never heard Nana and Poppy yell at each other like that before."

**I thought the secret should be out for Carolyn to know and deal with. I also thought the idea of having the different perspectives was a nice change from the family.**

**Also I apologies for the delay but I am now free of assessments and will now have free time to write more and enjoy the nice break from schooling.**

**I'll try and have an update as soon as I get the chance.**


End file.
